To email the school re a man at the bus stop???

[JumpingThroughHoops]

Well I have emailed, so no AIBU about it really

Yesterday (Friday) 20 mins after primary school ended I saw a man at the bus stop outside the school. The bus stop usually has a large amount of teenaged girls waiting from the secondary opposite.

He was by himself indicating a bus had just been; there were no other adults or children around.

BUT. Earlier that morning the same man was at the primary sports day. He wasn't with a lady (for that read wife or partner), no reason why he should have been really, he might have been a single dad. BUT. He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over.

Two months previous, I was on a train and he sat opposite me, with a French lady with two small girls (maybe 3 and 5). I assumed they were together, he knew their names. He carried their suitcase. I assumed the stilted conversation was because the lady didn't have English as a first language. I also assumed they were together because he was teasing one of the girls until she screamed in frustration. He was also asking lots of questions, but not in an obvious way, such as "when do you go home?" What are you doing tomorrow?" "is your Dad missing you?" - which of course I was oblivious to on the train because it was general chit chat.

See him at sports day and think it's that annoying wind up merchant again "oh, I didn't know there were little French girls at this school". There aren't any little French girls at the school and they were too young to be in the KS3 sports day anyway.

See him at the bus stop and think "hang on a min" gut instinct kicks in, something just isn't right here.

So I've emailed school with a full description, a set of circumstances and no accusations, because he wasn't actually doing anything suspiciously.

*disclaimer, I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct. I don't know why the red flags shot up when I saw him again. Probably because he was a bit of charmer, again not in an obvious way, he was just very good at ferreting out information from people.

Probably an entirely coincidental set of innocent circumstances and he is a listener rather than a talker.

Would you have emailed the school?

Damsel

So the OP says "He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over."

Does this make you think that the man was a stranger? That he had no valid reason to be there? Or does it make you think that he knew the other father?

Let's put it this way. A lone man wanders over to sit next to a dad at sports day. That dad then tells the stranger all about his own children and gets them to wave, does that sound plausible to you?

If this man was suspicious, do you think he would have approached another father at sports day? Bit brazen isn't it?

You have to go with the more plausible explanation.

The train journey - he knew their names. He carried their luggage. He teased one of the children. Again, would that make you think that he had only just met them? Would you get talking to a strange man, let him carry your luggage, tell him your children's names and watch impassively as he teased one of your children? No you wouldn't.

In both cases the plausible explanation is that he knew them.
I would not have been the least bit suspicious.

But then I've already said that if your instinct tells you something is wrong then you should go with that.
However insinuating that someone is a paedophile, especially in a letter, could see you in court.

Rhubarb, as I said before, there is much about the situation we don't know. The OP was there. She experienced nuances and body language that has not been related to us in her post. Something got her hackles up and instead of ignoring it she reported it. I'm sure if he was a regular at the school the OP would have recognised him from there, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

I have no probs in anyone taking an interest in their local community and reporting anything they think is suspicious.

However if she did accuse him or imply that he was a paedophile in writing, he could take her to court.

And I don't like how he has already been found guilty on this thread by others who were not there, who are using only snippets of her OP and who did not experience that gut instinct. Because in black and white alone, there is absolutely nothing to go on and nothing to suggest that he did not know either the dad on sports day or the woman on the train. Yet many posters seem to possess a brilliant sixth sense and know much more of the situation than has been written down. If only I had psychic powers too!

Well, I've not jumped on that bandwagon. I've agreed that I don't think the OP was wrong in reporting her concerns, though her email could have been better worded.

I'll read/look back for those posts by those who have found the man guilty though.

Good

Funny, I fail to see anyone distressed by my innocent comment.

What I do see is people getting increasingly distressed by this thread, started by an OP who's fucked off without answering any relevant questions.

So talk to someone. Ask other parents if they know him or have seen him. If he is an uncle then someone would know

Rhubarb, I'm with you on this. I understand that rising hackles feeling and I am sympathetic to the OP's gut instinct.

Sending an email was just, to my mind,less effective that alternative actions and potentially harmful. And it was the sending the email element she asked about.

It doesn't necessarily follow that no-one is distressed, Cockwomble.

Ok Tanith, whatever you preach say

Sweet Jesus! this is still going! I think the OP is lurking in sainsburys or Tesco listening to other peoples conversations, noting if they buy Pom bears when they have no children, and then writing to the store manager to suggest they are buying them to entice children.....Oooooo...

This sort of nonsense is why I don't want neighbourhood watch in my village!

Bloody hell. That poor man.

DamselInTornDress

Why are you so coy? Do you now retract what you have said?

How will copying and pasting your whole statement make " I find it strange how people believe paedophiles are the minority " sound in any way reasonable?

There are people here who are ignoring that fact that using gut instinct alone to make decisions is dangerous.

Oh no, crashdoll, i think you're doing people a grave disservice; they're using other things too - 'alarm bells', 'red flags' and even 'antennas'.

What the hell is your problem Pendeen? The answer you are looking for is with the rest of that statement. Now go read it because I've already said what I had to say.

I'm not going to fall into say more than what I've already said to suit your agenda. I'm not playing your childish game.

I find it strange how people believe paedophiles are the minority. From my up bringing, they were the majority of men my family knew and were related too, and we were passed around like a plate of party snacks! None of them have ever been convicted and they too have their supporters.

So based on my life experience, I'm saying the OP did the right thing. I don't know what her life experience has been, but that to could contribute to why she found the man to be a bit off and reported him. She did what she believes is the right thing.

There it is. I do hope that satisfies you Pendeen. Happy now?

Oh DamselInTornDress

Given that the OP said: I actually live out of area for that primary I'm wondering what she was doing at the sports day.

really sorry for what happened to you damsel

is that what your original post said, where pendeen took your quote from??

I've dealt with it, though the hole it leaves never goes away. You learn to live with it.

Yes, that's the original quote Pendeen is going on and on and on about.

And yes, obviously I see the world differently.

lemarch whats to say that others perception is skewed by what didnt happen to them?