Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To email the school re a man at the bus stop???

999 replies

JumpingThroughHoops · 30/06/2012 18:38

Well I have emailed, so no AIBU about it really Grin

Yesterday (Friday) 20 mins after primary school ended I saw a man at the bus stop outside the school. The bus stop usually has a large amount of teenaged girls waiting from the secondary opposite.

He was by himself indicating a bus had just been; there were no other adults or children around.

BUT. Earlier that morning the same man was at the primary sports day. He wasn't with a lady (for that read wife or partner), no reason why he should have been really, he might have been a single dad. BUT. He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over.

Two months previous, I was on a train and he sat opposite me, with a French lady with two small girls (maybe 3 and 5). I assumed they were together, he knew their names. He carried their suitcase. I assumed the stilted conversation was because the lady didn't have English as a first language. I also assumed they were together because he was teasing one of the girls until she screamed in frustration. He was also asking lots of questions, but not in an obvious way, such as "when do you go home?" What are you doing tomorrow?" "is your Dad missing you?" - which of course I was oblivious to on the train because it was general chit chat.

See him at sports day and think it's that annoying wind up merchant again "oh, I didn't know there were little French girls at this school". There aren't any little French girls at the school and they were too young to be in the KS3 sports day anyway.

See him at the bus stop and think "hang on a min" gut instinct kicks in, something just isn't right here.

So I've emailed school with a full description, a set of circumstances and no accusations, because he wasn't actually doing anything suspiciously.

*disclaimer, I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct. I don't know why the red flags shot up when I saw him again. Probably because he was a bit of charmer, again not in an obvious way, he was just very good at ferreting out information from people.

Probably an entirely coincidental set of innocent circumstances and he is a listener rather than a talker.

Would you have emailed the school?

OP posts:
AnyoneForTennis · 01/07/2012 13:01

And the train? Bus stop pumpkin?

Foshizzle · 01/07/2012 13:01

And I'm not suggesting it came from you btw, or singling you out for response for any reason other than you like my name Grin.

DamselInTornDress · 01/07/2012 13:01

Seeker, I said, from my up bringing I found pedophiles where the majority. I'm sorry you don't like that. I didn't either!

pumpkinsweetie · 01/07/2012 13:01

And it isn't just men, there are women peadophiles too

RedHelenB · 01/07/2012 13:02

Salem witch trials anyone?

I think a school needs notifying if a stranger is hanging round but from what you have posted my gut instinct would be divorced dad missing his kids!!!

seeker · 01/07/2012 13:03

I just can't believe that people think the OP should have told the police about this man.

He did nothing wrong. If she was worried at the sports day, why didn't she ask a member of staff who he was? And then talk to the school aboutntheir open door policy, which goes against safeguarding procedures.

pumpkinsweetie · 01/07/2012 13:03

Anyone-these weirdos go where ever they can to snatch children or even just to watch them, there was a programme about in on panorama years back

DamselInTornDress · 01/07/2012 13:03

She didn't tell the police she emailed the school Hmm

Sparks1 · 01/07/2012 13:04

Sparks- the thing is there are a lot of peadophiles amongst society so you have to be on guard.
There was a case in my area of an old man trying to snatch boys in a red car, all schools were alerted and parents told not to let children out alone

Is there? Please provide evidence. You've offered one example that you know of. Hardly illustrates a high percentage of the population are sex offenders..

tinkerbel72 · 01/07/2012 13:05

Exactly sparks

It seems that damsel thinks that everyone should report any behaviour which they have a negative 'gut instinct' about. Even if this were a desirable way to behave in society, I am at a loss to see how it would actually work. People's gut instincts don't tally with one another. It sounds like a free for all. Think someone's a bit dodgy? Email the local school. Why not stop at the school a - how about the local sports centre/ shops/ his workplace/ neighbours/ police? And what exactly would all those organisations do with this mass of conflicting gut feeling 'information?' what would you expect the school to do?! And of course the danger is that when it involves people like the neighbours, we know what happens. Think about Joanna yeates landlord for starters

Sounds like a very ugly world to me

Gibbous · 01/07/2012 13:05

Fair enough Fo, ridicule is never constructive. Having said that the OP wasn't blameless especially asking why for the love of God we were still 'mithering' on about it last night, but two wrongs don't make a right and all that. I guess this is a highly inflammatory subject matter that is going to heighten a lot of emotions.

And on that note I must do some bloody gardening before it rains!

Birdsgottafly · 01/07/2012 13:06

I am not saying that in this case the OP was right or wrong, but there seems to be the impression that there aren't a lot of offenders around, anyone working in Child Protection/Police, know that, that isn't the case.

That is all types of child offenders, not just sex offenders.

Gibbous · 01/07/2012 13:09

Foshizzle is an excellent name! I wish I'd thought of it myself. Right, definitely gardening now, I get the feeling perpetual circles are on the horizon...

tinkerbel72 · 01/07/2012 13:10

Birds- 'a lot' is a meaningless term. The point is that it is a minority of the population. And it is really very worrying that anyone in this day and age can honestly believe 'gut instinct' is a reliable indicator of detection.

Birdsgottafly · 01/07/2012 13:10

"Please provide evidence"

As a professional working with children, you are not allowed to speak out, but there was a report after the Rochdale grooming case about how many offenders there are.

Every child killer, think Baby P's step dad, have had numerous reports about them that are not acted on. These men (and women) look for vulnerable families, the way to do that is to hang around were families are.

The lack of sentencing towards child abusers is a national disgrace.

Foshizzle · 01/07/2012 13:11

Again two fair points...

Sparks1 · 01/07/2012 13:12

I am not saying that in this case the OP was right or wrong, but there seems to be the impression that there aren't a lot of offenders around, anyone working in Child Protection/Police, know that, that isn't the case.

So evidence it. And if that is the case make it public knowledge. Because i've yet to hear any law enforcement agency do so.

fireice · 01/07/2012 13:13

There are around 53,000 registered sex offenders in England and Wales.

Birdsgottafly · 01/07/2012 13:15

Tinker- i have said that it cannot be said whether the OP is right or wrong, the email certainly wasn't the right way to go about it.

But it is wrong that people are laughed at for thinking that there is a risk of a child being targeted.

GrahamTribe · 01/07/2012 13:16

"Sudden sleepiness can mean that you?re in the presence of an energy-draining person or circumstance; it can be your body?s way of communicating that these conditions are taking more energy than they give."

It sounds to me that whoever wrote that drivel is away with the fairies. I'd imagine that there's a high chance that they believe in aromatherapy and aliens too!

RedHelenB · 01/07/2012 13:16

Are schools really that much safer for having all this security? Certainly seem more like prisons to my mind.

Sparks1 · 01/07/2012 13:17

As a professional working with children, you are not allowed to speak out,

So you're suggesting there is a deliberate suppression of information to the general public by the very people who are there to protect children?

That's a big claim. And certainly calls into question the veracity of those professionals...

tinkerbel72 · 01/07/2012 13:18

Birds- I don't See people here laughing. I think the issue is far more serious than that. It's about potential destroying people's reputation

MardyArsedMidlander · 01/07/2012 13:19

Er- I work in child protection and there are certainly a lot of offenders. BUT- then this is all I deal with day in day out so it certainly skews my perspective. It is also the case that thankfully the vast majority of males do not have a sexual interest in children.

fireice · 01/07/2012 13:20

"As a professional working with children, you are not allowed to speak out, but there was a report after the Rochdale grooming case about how many offenders there are."

What do you think that you are not allowed to say? Certain things are public knowledge, and IMO we are all better off for knowing in broad terms how prevalent certain types of offending is.