To email the school re a man at the bus stop???

[JumpingThroughHoops]

Well I have emailed, so no AIBU about it really

Yesterday (Friday) 20 mins after primary school ended I saw a man at the bus stop outside the school. The bus stop usually has a large amount of teenaged girls waiting from the secondary opposite.

He was by himself indicating a bus had just been; there were no other adults or children around.

BUT. Earlier that morning the same man was at the primary sports day. He wasn't with a lady (for that read wife or partner), no reason why he should have been really, he might have been a single dad. BUT. He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over.

Two months previous, I was on a train and he sat opposite me, with a French lady with two small girls (maybe 3 and 5). I assumed they were together, he knew their names. He carried their suitcase. I assumed the stilted conversation was because the lady didn't have English as a first language. I also assumed they were together because he was teasing one of the girls until she screamed in frustration. He was also asking lots of questions, but not in an obvious way, such as "when do you go home?" What are you doing tomorrow?" "is your Dad missing you?" - which of course I was oblivious to on the train because it was general chit chat.

See him at sports day and think it's that annoying wind up merchant again "oh, I didn't know there were little French girls at this school". There aren't any little French girls at the school and they were too young to be in the KS3 sports day anyway.

See him at the bus stop and think "hang on a min" gut instinct kicks in, something just isn't right here.

So I've emailed school with a full description, a set of circumstances and no accusations, because he wasn't actually doing anything suspiciously.

*disclaimer, I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct. I don't know why the red flags shot up when I saw him again. Probably because he was a bit of charmer, again not in an obvious way, he was just very good at ferreting out information from people.

Probably an entirely coincidental set of innocent circumstances and he is a listener rather than a talker.

Would you have emailed the school?

*jumping to conclusions.

If somebody could think Daily Mail article supported the view that gut instinct about third parties is accurate, then that shows that people can make false inferences about anything!

Sorry Damsel, I think that second link just gives weight to the argument against the OP's actions:

"But she also notes that gut instincts are far from infallible. The right brain?s skill with pattern identification can trigger suspicions of unfamiliar (but not dangerous) things, or cause you to be especially reactive to people who simply remind you of someone else.

So how do you choose which gut feelings to trust? Orloff suggests that it?s a matter of ?combining the linear mind and intuition,? and striking the right balance between gut instinct and rational thinking. Once you?ve noticed an intuitive hit, she says, you can engage your rational mind to weigh your choices and decide how best to act on them."

Exactly Seeker, many of the arguments for the OP have just inherently demonstrated that people jump to incorrect conclusions!

damsel you seem to be clutching at straws here..

He second link is just a series of anecdotes.

Physical symptoms can also have symbolic value. ?If you?re around somebody and your energy goes down, that?s an intuition not to ignore,? Orloff says. Sudden sleepiness can mean that you?re in the presence of an energy-draining person or circumstance; it can be your body?s way of communicating that these conditions are taking more energy than they give. If you stay in a situation that makes you feel instantly depleted (like taking a job after you left the interview feeling exhausted), it can easily lead to a situation where you become depressed, anxious and ? not surprisingly ? stuck.

The OPs gut sent out red alert and she acted on it.

A series of anecdotes which actually warns against 'gut instinct' acting without rational thought.

No wonder so many paedophiles get away with what they do. The OP felt something was off so she did something about it. All you lot are out to do is prove she did wrong.

WTF?

Damsel, I hate repeating myself, did you read the bit where it says you should only use gut instinct combined with rational thought?!

Damsel you are beginning to sound desperate here....

I think the OP did what she thought was right. I do not and will not condemn her for that.

Call me desperate, but that's how it is.

Gibbous, the OP did what she thought was the rational thing to do.

All you lot are out to do is prove she did wrong.

She invited people to comment on whether she acted hastily and yes, on the basis of the actual circumstances she outlined, I believe she did.

Damsel- I wonder how many people have had "gut instincts" about you in your life? You would , or course, be completely oblivious to them, and there would be nothing about your behaviour or body language you could pinpoint to justify their gut instinct. But those gut instincts would be real to them.
Now- how would you feel about those people contacting your local school/workplace/ police/ any other establishment to inform them of that dodgy woman they have a 'feeling' about?
No- thought you wouldnt like it.

And by that same invite I am saying she did the right thing.

Gibbous, the OP did what she thought was the rational thing to do.

I'd argue that, according to the process outlined in the link you posted and which I quoted above, she didn't.

All the OP did was inform the school that a man, who she beleived wasn't a parent had been taking an interest in the children.

She hasn't had him burned at a stake, or hung, drawn and quartered, no real harm is done.

Damsel- evening what she did wa potentially damaging to an innocent man? Does he not have any rights in this matter?

Have you read the whole thread Birds? Because many of us would argue that the email could leak without all the qualifying circumstances. Innocent people have been witch-hunted before on as little.

The OPs red flags went up because of an incident on the train with 2 young girls, in which one you girls screamed out in frustration.

Actually she says herself she was fairly oblivious to that. Evidence would suggest he knew them, have you never known children to scream in frustration at someone they knew who wasn't a paedo?

Her red flags were because she though he was moving in on the mother!!!!

And where he knew the children's names, carried the family's suitcases, and obviously was connected with them.