Man screaming at and rough-handling boy on way to school this morn - WIBU to call school?

[cfc]

I was getting the baby up this morning and her window was open. I heard a guy screaming at a young lad, perhaps about 6 yr's old. He was in his face shouting "just apologise to me, all you have to o is say I'm sorry Sam" so it wasn't his dad. Then he grabbed him by the front of his jacket and lifted him up in front of his face and continued shouting in his face - he also was still smoking with the ciggie hanging from his mouth.

At this point out of my window I shouted at him to stop. He just walked on, but I could hear him continuing to shout but couldn't make it out - he had a proper thick scottish accent (we don't live in Scotland).

I've heard this guy shouting before recently only. Should also mention he was walking with others Inc I think the child's mother. And there were people at the bus stop watching this whole thing. Had I been able, ie not getting a child up, and waiting for the toddler to have his morning poo (he thinks he can wipe his own bum, he can't) I'd have done more.

I think I know the school. I bet they're known to ss. Or I could wait until Monday and follow them to school if dh wouldn't mind getting into work late so i could a- mind the child or b- say to the school admin 'look that family there.

Typos - sorry on tablet.

Lynette, you are so right that is what I thought might help, building the bigger piture, if there is one to be built.

I don't blame them at the bus stop for not getting involved, esp the man, who might have got a hiding for his efforts. It just makes me sad.

As an aside, a close friend of mine lives on a road opposite to me, so about 40 yards from where the incident was taking place (we're kind of on an isaland so surrounded by roads - that was fun when applying for planning permission), and she heard it - although incomprehensible. THAT is how loud he was, and yes, with fag in mouth...

Is this to me Shhh? As I've said above, I don't. It was just the intonation of this man's voice when demanding an apology that made me think he was asking the child to say the words "I apologise, Sam". Again, as mentioned above, either which way, I know one of the two parties was called Sam, so that helps in identifying the family to the school.

Sashh, what about the violent act of lifting someone by their lapels and shouting in their face, demanding an apology? I think that's what the OP may have been alarmed by, like any civilised human being would be! If the OP had seen this man lift a woman by her lapels and demand an apology what that be acceptable to you?

'would that' not 'what that'.

Should have been reported on the day, when there was a chance "Sam" might have been able to talk to the child protection staff member. By Monday it could all have been forgotten & blurred & therefore may well be no help whtasoever. I have a feeling that if it was really abusive you would have rung the school before tasking your dog for a walk.

Have a read RedHelen, that's a dear. I got sick before I could get there, the poor dog didn't even get a walk and husband was dragged home from work.

And it was as I wrote it. Abusive or just rough parenting, that's a subjective question. To me, it was an awful spectacle to witness, and I will report it.

Perhaps the child won't recall it on Monday. Perhaps he will. Perhaps the report of this incident from a reliable (despite what a lot of people think on here!!) witness will add to the bigger picture they've already been painting at the school. Perhaps this is the beginning of that painting. Perhaps it's a one off. Either which way, I lose nothing by telling them, the child loses nothing and perhaps gains a lot.

I have a genuine question - am I being confused for another, unreliable poster on MN? Because I've been a member for a number of years. I don't lie. I don't exaggerate, that was beaten out of me at law school. Why the cynacism towards my account of this incident right outside my door?

God, this sounds like my Ex-H, my DS1's SM and my DS1's step-bro. And if the bloke's name was really Sam, I'm even MORE worried.

PLEASE tell me you don't live in a town with a big castle, and a Tesco store very close to the school you are mentioning - if you do, can you PM me. I will check on the laptop in about an hour!

Hi, we live in a Cathedral City in the South West. There is a ruined castle close by! But Tesco is on the other side of town from the school.

Sounds like your fella is an Ex for a good reason.

CFC, don't worry about what other posters are saying. You were alarmed by this man's actions towards a child, focus on that, not what a bunch of (sometimes woefully misinformed) strangers on the internet are saying.

You should report those worries and the services who are trained and paid to deal with it will establish what is really going on. Like birdsgottafly said up thread - there are several (early) interventions to support families who are struggling - CAF is a consent based process that works with families as a whole and schools can and do make CAF and social care referrals.

Forgotten and blurred? I do question what small satellite of Planet Boden some of you live on. This was not being sent to the naughty step for pushing Tarquin. This was a physical assault coupled with extreme verbal abuse. He will remember it and it will shape his own future emotional responses.

How do you think the abusive adult got the way he was? Most likely because no one ever rescued him from an abusive upbringing.

Sorry CFC, I just don't see why anything stopped you reporting it that's all. I mean, you could have rung SS direct.

Absolutely Spero! Let's all turn a blind eye to this kind of abuse and then justify your apathy by convincing yourself things are probably not as they seem??

RedHelen, seriously? OK. At the risk (or actually) of repeating myself, as I said above, I am asking whether it would be unreasonable to report this to the school. I obviously cannot report this to SS as the details for identity purposes are too tenuos. Whereas, if I went to the school, they'd have an easier time identifying the family involved.

So that's why I didn't report to SS.

Perhaps I should have called the school straight away, but I really, really wanted to be face to face with someone to explain it. I didn't realise I was going to get (yet another) migraine that morning that would knock me out for 6 hours. Otherwise I would have got down there sharpish, as opposed to waiting for breakfast and dressing us all to be over - the baby woke at 8.45am - the same time they were passing en route to school.

The best I can do now is drop DD at nursery on Monday morn and head to the school straight after.

Don't worry, the dog won't get precedence. I wish it were a school day today, I'd be there now.

Is there anything else you'd like me to repeat for you?

I think speaking to the school is the right thing. I've mentioned something to the school before and they instantly knew who i was talking about. They took me very seriously and took action.

There are some right knobhead posters on here. You don't need to defend yourself op, just do what you know is right.

The "its none of your business" brigade are the ones who should be ashamed of themselves. And the "can't be true" ones are being idiots and aren't worth listening to.

Does anyone else think mn has been a weird place lately? It seems like it doesn't matter what an op says, a lot of people are desperate to pick apart their posts and start a fight.

I do think it's gone weird. I've read some things in reply to an OP that have made me do this face ---->

I'm not picking a fight but I still think if it were that serious I would have done something RIGHT AWAY. But it's your call & you have to do what you think is right.

Its been the last few weeks. Its so strange. I was wondering if it was the weather!

I thought I would be doing something very soon after the event, I didn't predict getting poorly.

RedHelen. Why even mention that. Op has said many many times that she needed to go via the school as she doesn't know where these people live.

So she phones ss and says she knows of a man possibly called sam who is acting aggressively with a child. How are they supposed to find this sam!

Seriously do you not GET that! Why the feck not!

RedHelenB, I don't think you can equate the seriousness of a case of abuse to Peoples' reactions. Most people do nothing even if they witness something that is pretty horrific! History has proven this to be the case. The OP explained the reasons behind not reporting it on the phone and the action that she is now going to take. Let's face it that's a lot more than most would be bothered to do - sadly. If you're someone that would respond immediately then good for you as this is pretty rare.

Oh and I did shout at home to put the bairn down you bullying fucker whilst dealing with a grumpy morning baby having her nappy changed! Her changing table is under the window, which is why I was looking out.

What did he do and say when you shouted that (sorry if I've missed it)

Yes CFC, sorry I forgot that you did so and that is a really significant in highlighting immediately the bully's actions.

'The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.', Einstein

He walked on, without looking up at me, still holding the child aloft. He walked in front of our hedge so I couldn't see him then, but could still hear him though couldn't make out individual words at that point because of his accent and his rage.

What did the woman with him do?