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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dislike facebook moms showing piccies of their kids at sports day/winning football trophies/baking and just general boasting

220 replies

wettestjuneever · 28/06/2012 22:37

ok call me old fashioned but when did it become acceptable to just boast about your children winning things under the guise of being "very proud" which is really just a massive boast.
I feel sorry for these kids whose entire lives are played out on facebook statuses and videos.. when did we become so what I used to think of as "American"...!
So AIBU or is this just huge boasting???

OP posts:
Original poster
wettestjuneever · 28/06/2012 23:43

I think part of what I am saying is that the parents I am talking about are stealth boasting via their children to promote themselves or appear more interesting.
So the children aren't gaining anything in this, in fact they are being used.

OP posts:
Noqontrol · 28/06/2012 23:52

No op, children aren't here to make us proud, but if we are proud of them then where's the harm in showing it? Generally people nurture, teach, encourage and show their pride in their children, this attitude is actually good for your children's well being as well, no? So it would go against that nurture instinct to announce you are ashamed of your children.

I was super proud that my ds finally said his first world at 2.5 yrs. So I announced it on fb to my friends and family. That's hardly a stealth boast though is itConfused

But, if you don't like Facebook, and it sounds like you don't very much, why do you use it?

freddiefrog · 28/06/2012 23:52

I don't think it's boasting, it's being proud of their achievements.

My daughter came first in the long jump in her district sports competition, it's a bloody big deal to her, we were very proud of her and I posted up a pic of her holding her medal.

She got to present some of her art work to a celeb, I posted up the pic.

But then I only have close friends and family on my FB so they are as pleased for the kids as we are

Noqontrol · 28/06/2012 23:53
  • word not world
Nagoo · 28/06/2012 23:55

There is a thing where you can set up friends lists.

I asked people to 'opt in' to see stuff about my DCs, and made a list. I only post boasty shit and photos to the people who expressed an interest.

I would fucking love FB if everyone did that. Other people's kids are BORING.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 28/06/2012 23:55

I have to say I kind of agree with you, op. boasting about your kids is fine with nannas and grandparents is lovely and will make the grandparents proud too. Boasting to every person on your friends list is a bit strange. In real life you choose your audience for certain pieces if information and tailor it to the person you are talking to. So if for example you are talking to a mum at school whose child is the same age as yours but really struggling with, you would choose not to tell them all about how your little johnny got put on gifted and talented and has a reading age of 14. The problem with Facebook is that there is no filter for being sensitive towards individuals. There is no proper interaction there - just an announcing of information to EVERYONE, regardless of their individual needs.

But that is the Facebook generation for you - no real social skills but hey, you're worth it so what does it matter if the odd person is made to feel bad or inferior by what you post about your life.

JoannaFight · 28/06/2012 23:58

I thought that's what FB was for, to post up news about you and your family. I don't think it's boasting at all.

I'm not remotely interested in FB because I can't be arsed constantly updating myself about other people's ins and outs or mine. I don't get annoyed about it though cos I never read it.

If you look at someone's page then you'll hear about what they've been up to..

McHappyPants2012 · 28/06/2012 23:58

i do boast about my children, why because i am their mother and if their own mother can not praise them up and share with a zillion people how proud they are who can.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 28/06/2012 23:59

Exactly, Freddie frog- THAT is how Facebook should be, close friends and family so you know how they would react to a post. Far too many people collect acquaintances as if to prove how popular they are and forget that actually most of them couldn't care less about your kids achievements (that's as well as the point i made earlier about having sensitivity towards others.)

JoannaFight · 29/06/2012 00:01

I can never get my head around how fb puts everyone you know in one place. I can't imaginie anything worseConfused

McHappyPants2012 · 29/06/2012 00:05

i used t have over 500 people on my old facebook, i deactivated that and now have under 40 people on my new facebook.

wtf did i have over 500 god knows because i didn't know half of them, so i didn't put pics up ect. So i made the decsion deactivate open a new facebbok and only accept who i seen regularly

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 29/06/2012 00:11

CurlyhairedAssassin you can change your settings so that only certain people see things. I have some people that I have added to fb purely to play the crap games on there. They cannot see ANYTHING of mine, except game posts.

I also have a distant relative who posts such boring shit about her daughter that I have hidden her posts. Stuff like 'My DD made a card today.' 'My DD enjoyed her schooll dinner today' 'My DD has just brushed her hair' It's ok, but the DD in question is 12 so they are hardly 'achievments'

And another person I hid because I was sick of reading about her 'Princess' (she only ever calls her that, and I actually can't remeber the childs name!

I figure if people don't want to read about my DS, then they can unfriend/hide me!

JoannaFight · 29/06/2012 00:11

Blimey 500!Shock I couldn't even cope with 40Grin I'm not sure I can think of 40 people I see even irregularly.

I'm just basically unsociable Blush

LilBlondePessimist · 29/06/2012 00:21

No - I don't think childrens' achievements are 'used' to make the parents more interesting etc., because they don't. It's about the kids and if that's seen as boasting by some then it says more about that person than the parent. I don't understand why you don't just delete. You obviously have no interest in them.

McHappyPants2012 · 29/06/2012 00:23

it was Biscuit I am married so thets a combo of mine and DH family that i like and close friends

GwendolineMaryLacey · 29/06/2012 00:28

Absolutely agree op. the last thing you'd ever want is for your children to know you're proud of them.

nothingoldcanstay · 29/06/2012 00:34

Mmm disagree. Think kids want unconditional pride and love. Not based on what you win/achieve. That's your pride you are showing off.

Would you put on Facebook that you won whatever? Think most people would think you were a twat if you did. I know three people who's children passed the interview for Oxbridge and none of them put anything on Facebook.

Noqontrol · 29/06/2012 00:34

Absolutely Gwendoline, we should beat the little buggers with a stick instead Smile

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 29/06/2012 00:37

It depends what I won gold
I posted on fb when I got my college acceptance letter, and will post again if when I pass the course. My cousin posted when she got accepted to Uni. They are all achievements that are worthy of a post IMO.

needaholidaynow · 29/06/2012 00:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nothingoldcanstay · 29/06/2012 00:54

Ineed - yeah well I think posting means either you though or you think there was the possibility it wasn't going to happen otherwise what are you trying to say? Actually what is it you are expecting other people to say? If you are actually asking people to say "well done" that's a bit sad because those people that know and love you would anyway.

I think pride is a bad thing. Achievements are rarely down to just the person... there's usually a combination of support and luck involved.

I don't know where you are going to college but if you have been raised in say Mogadishu most of your life then fair play.

McHappyPants2012 · 29/06/2012 00:59

when ds come out with a piece of 'art' or new word box, something he is proud of, it is not like i say "hang on son mummy needs to update facebbok first" don't be dense.

My son gets all my attention first, the praise and rewards and if it is something special it goes in the living room on the kids special wall.

FB is a way of letting every one in the world know that i am so proud of him

McHappyPants2012 · 29/06/2012 01:05

my son has SEN and SN, i can say 100% that he has to work his socks off, with every little achievement it has taken month to get there. Much more support than most children.

What i am most smug of the most it that even though DS struggles and he is 'bottom' of his class and is being statemented and the world is confusing for him. He manages to smile his way through it. My son don't give up

nothingoldcanstay · 29/06/2012 01:11

Can it not be taken as read that you are proud because you are his mother though?
It's not a bloody competition and if you start posting successes you are turning it into one and there is always someone better than your child.

Anyway no one else cares, they all have their own children they are proud of.

McHappyPants2012 · 29/06/2012 01:17

i don't care if i get likes or comments, when friends post about thire children i don't think awwww DS should be doing this that or another. My friends children acievements are seperate from my DC.