Women who pack suitcases for men.

[AnnaMosity]

I hear of this relatively often.
JUST DON'T DO IT.

I am currently packing DH's suitcase (in betwen mumsnetting!)

DH is taking DS2 to school and walking the dog whilst I pack for me, DH and the boys for our weekend away. DH has however laid out on the bed what he wants to take before going out, although I am adding a couple of other bits as he always underestimates what he needs.

I don't care if anyone thinks its strange - the division of duties works for us. Now if DH was sat around doing nothing whilst I run around packing it might be different.

Oh yes, don't ever pack for your dh because doing a favour for someone and making life easier is reeeeeeaally bad.

I mostly pack for DH as we usually pick him up from work on the way to the airport/ harbour etc. and as I do all the laundry I'm pretty au fait with the contents of his wardrobe. What he does with the contents of the suitcase is entirely up to him.

I would hate to be in a relationship where anything that I needed doing for myself had to be done by me.

I'd have to do more ironing for a start.

I'd have a problem with anyone saying it was a woman's job to pack her man's bag, but I don't think any of the packers are. DH and I are both responsible for packing our own stuff for any trips. As it happens, I tend to do all of joint packing and will sometimes pack/put things out for individual trips for him if I am feeling nice. He doesn't particularly care which of the clothes from his wardrobe he wears, they are all acceptable to him.

If people are making an equal contribution to a relationship then that's good. If they're happy with their life, that's good. I think that shouting at strangers on the Internet about some domestic trivia which does not affect you is pretty pathetic.

I do packing when we go away as a family because I am better at folding small and fitting stuff in and also more ruthless with what is needed. DH provides the stuff he wants for him though, which is a minimal amount of extra packing given that I am already packing for me and two kids. He will pack for himself, if going away without us.

He more than pulls his weight in every other chore/childcare and as I never have to clean out the cat litter tray I consider this more than a fair deal.

Point scoring in relationships makes for unhappy people as you lose sight of what the other person actually does do and focus just on what they are not doing.

maamekin with me it is a case of DH overpacking if left to his own devices.

He has far too many clothes anyway, and holidays seem to bring out his inner Paris Hilton.

Plus I have the system

I agree wordfactory although my DH turns into Imelda Marcos.

He wears the same two pairs of shoes for a year then on holiday appears to need 3 different pairs of shoes and at least four pairs of walking boots. Rationalisation has to take place and I'm good at that.

OH travels a lot and is perfectly capable of working out how many pairs of socks and underpants he needs and how many shirts, trousers and shoes. In fact he is better at packing than I am. When we go away I pack for me and DD, although she gets out what she wants to take, and OH packs for himself. Although when we fly I pack all of our clothes across three suitcases in case one of them goes missing.

Why, what happened in the 70's hully?

this sort of stuff actually meant something in the seventies, needed saying and changing

I would hate my husband to tell me how much stuff I can take. We usually discuss shoes between us if both going and generally allow half a case each as take the large case if both going. If it's just him going then he can take umpteen shoes if he can carry them, not my problem.
I tend to be attracted to active men who are used to packing rucksacs etc and couldn't be doing with a child man who can't pack.

I honestly dont see the problem with doing the person you have choosen to live with/have children with/marry a favour?
I'd do a favour for a stranger... Why not the man i love?

If it was demanded then it would be different. Iam obviously a downtrodden woman!

I do all the packing in our house - holidays, weekends away, husband's business trips. I don't see any problem with that.

It is not me "dressing" him - he tells me what he's going to need and I put it in a case. Really not a big deal.

He works very long hours in a stressful job so that I can stay at home with our children (my choice). When he is at home I would rather he was spending time with me & the kids than packing a bloody suitcase.

Before kids, when we both worked full time, he would have packed his own.

As others have said, it is about what is right for your family & nothing at all to do with anyone else. Why get worked up about who does the packing in someone else's home? Surely there are more important things in life to worry about

DH both overpacks and underpacks.

He encourages me to take things I'm not likely to wear because they're nice even though a dress might require a pair of shoes that won't go with anything else. That's okay, so long as he lugs the case about.

He underpacks when he's having an internal game of 'which passenger can have the lightest bag at check-in?'. Also okay, so long as it doesn't interfere with my stuff. He's never forgotten pants but if he did he could always buy some.

We usually have lots of unworn things at the end of the holiday. Him more than me.

Actually the internal game is 'what's the bare minimum I can get away with?'

As he's extremely keen on clothes the bare minimum is more than the average man. But even if it wasn't, I wouldn't worry that he'd be smelly or weird-looking because you can always buy extra clothes and soap.

I obviously care about his appearance but ultimately as long as someone is decent it's no one else's business.

I do wonder about these women on here who see things like packing, sorting appts, or doing small tasks for the oh run the rest of their lives.
Do they each have their own tube of toothpaste which they buy themselves and replace when needed, or do they take turns in buying the toothpaste?. Same with soap and other shared items.
Do they each have a bin and dispose of their own rubbish. How do they sort the laudry or do they each do their own? Just so many questions

I pack for dh.

Doesn't make me 'surrendered' or 'downtrodden' or 'inferior'

It means that I can pack better. Like when dh does the washing, doesn't mean he is whipped, just that he does it better, same with everything else in our house, if you can do it better/quicker, you do it.

My marriage is based on helping one another, making each other's lives easier. Not about worrying that me packing his bags means he rules the house/me! [eyeroll]

Er, no, cantspel, they communicate! You know, whoever notices the toothpaste puts it on the shopping list. Whoever's going to the shop buys it. They might even speak to one another, as in "If you're going out for beer, will you get some soap?" A startling idea, I know

I've got to say a man who couldn't sort out his own appointments would strike me as lacking intelligence. Same with a man who doesn't know what clothes he wears

can i just how you would feel if you had to turn up on holiday, thousands of miles away with a bag of your clothes you hadnt packed yourself?
Id be really nervous! How can someone else know what you want or plan to wear?

We cant really afford or own "special clothes" so our summer wardrobe is basically our everyday clothes minus jumpers.
But I pack of DP, hes never packe dor even asked if its done.
I suppose i choose what he will wear, things that go together and actaully now im thinking about it how can he just let me do it?

makes me feel odd thinking about it

Hate the idea of women packing men's cases because they can't do it themselves.

DP always packs because he's anal methodical and neat, whereas I shove things in at random and scrunched up in balls.

Packing chez Jins doesn't involve choosing the clothes for DH. It involves him and the smaller ones bringing what they are sure they will need for me to distribute between however many suitcases we've decided to take. I then remove 4 or 5 pairs of walking boots from DH's pile, send DS2 back to his room for pants and socks and ask DS1 to decide how many tubes of hair product he will realistically use. They do the deciding and I do the putting it in the case while they clean the house, mow the lawn, etc. Please don't make me do the cleaning and lawnmowing instead as packing is a doddle.

DH is perfectly capable of sorting his appointments out but by the time he gets a free moment to ring it is after the 8.30 deadline for the GP. He sorts his own dental appointments because they aren't so time critical. I ring for appointments for the whole family because I am at home at the right time. Now I could refuse to do it because it is infantilising him or he's a man child or something but actually I just want him to get a doctors appointment because I love him and care about his health more than I care about whether some stranger on the internet thinks I'm a downtrodden housewife

Sometimes, OP, DH even emails me his packing list. Now I bet that REALLY gets your goat, doesn't it?!

After 20 years of marriage i know what my husband likes to wear.
(whispers i even go and buy most of it as beleieve it or not i have more time to shop then he does) so it is unlikely he is going to have a major problem with what i have packed.

I will make appts for my husband as i have more spare time than his and his boss can get arsey if he makes too many calls during work time.
We are in the process to some house reburb. i have booked the trades men, organised for quotes, building regs ect. Hell i even cut the grass last weekend whilst oh was watching football.

I dont need to be communicate about when we need to buy soap/toothpaste as i just buy it even though shock horror my husband also uses it. It is called being a parnership and working together to have a smooth running home. He knows he can rely on me to do the day to day tasks and i know that they money to pay for them is in the bank for the work he does.

I withhold all sexual favours in our house until my wife agrees to pack my case.