Women who pack suitcases for men.

[AnnaMosity]

I hear of this relatively often.
JUST DON'T DO IT.

We go back and forth. I prefer to pack because I'm usually the holiday planner and so know what is needed for various activities. Usually I get everyone to give me X,Y and Z and I pack them then DS#1 and DH pack the car (I hate doing this bit) with DS#2 running around fetching things. DH insisted on packing his own last summer for our road trip and forgot underpants. Le sigh.

Ah. HellAIR

RIGHT it's not about family holidays
It's when men go in business trips. It's pathetic. Don't dress your husband FFs. You aren't his mother.
Plus larks. Loads of you need to mug up on The equality illusion and read
wife work. Here's a summary

It's not the caring. It dressing someone.
Freaky!
Plus. Get a job maybe?

What everlong said.

I always pack for holidays, however dp packed up the whole house last week and also moved everything himself.

Don't see a problem, normally a few days before we leave I say ok with x, x +x do you want / think you need anything else, he might but mostly never say ok- thanks and then whilst he is working often finishing late and leaving and an ungodly hour I do it, as I can pack better, am faster. If he is around in the days before we go he emptiesfridge, dishwasher, cleans up etc. If not (OMG) I do that as well.
The other week we did a last minute weekend escape , as in deciding the morning and leaving 1.30hr later-I packed for 4 in 20 mins was just easier. I don't mind , its team work.

I did. Several times. Yesterday.

Equality illusion klaxon

Agrees entirely with everlong. DH can pack for a business trip providing I fold the shirts for him. For holidays he puts out what he wants and after checking it I put it in the bags because I am in charge of packing.

Agrees it's team work and sharing the jobs that make family life work. DH does all the window checking, the garden, the bins and for a reason known best to him cleans the fridge just before we go on holiday. He also carries all the cases downstairs and looks after the passports, tickets, directions, etc.

DH is currently on a business trip.

He is in the clothing business.

The idea that I or anyone else would dress him would fill him with horror.

His control issues over packing used to extend to packing my bag for work. He was genuinely trying to be helpful by giving me less to do in the mornings.

After too many times looking like an idiot at work because I didn't have the right things - because how could he know, we do totally different jobs? - I'd up-end the bag on the bed and repack.

He would be silently furious but I'd ignore him. He needed to learn that he doesn't know best. We're over that hurdle now. On to the next one.

I don't know about anyone else but I know about him and he does it because he has a pathological need to be needed. It's infuriating but also very sad.

It's not just with me, it's everyone. It involves him in far too much work which he then resents. I've lost count of the number of times he's ranted about someone only for me to say: 'Well, he didn't ask you to do it, did he? You insisted.'

So if you're sure that's not you then that's great and go ahead. But don't make the mistake of dismissing it. It is infantilising and can lead the control freak to resent the person he or she loves and the person being 'helped' to resent them.

everlong We communicate too.

It's just that control freaks don't listen because they're convinced they know best.

I've said that if you're confident you're doing it for the right reasons then great. Go ahead.

I'm talking about people with issues of control and there are more out there than you appear to think.

I don't know about your relationship and you don't know much about mine, apart from what I've said about DH being a control freak and it spoiling both our lives. We're working on it because we love each other.

So less of the 'jeez' please.

As long as the case gets packed surely it doesnt matter?
My DP packs his own case because he cares about his appearence and is more fashion aware than me. He does hold things up and says 'shall i take this?', i pack my own but dont consult him on any items iam taking.

I would never let him pack the kids cases though. If he gets them dressed he will shout 'what are they wearing?' i have told him to choose himself but that resulted in ds1 in a top that didnt fit and ds2 in a snowsuit in june 'just in case'

I dont see the big deal?
Iam the organised one. I love list making. I like buying presents/cards. I make all the appointments and arrange our calender.
I organise all family outings and do all paperwork. I do 90% of the housework.

He does all DIY, all the evening meals and will take over food shopping (which i detest!)

Its a PARTNERSHIP. Iam not out to prove to anyone that iam an 'independent woman' we both take on roles we enjoy/are better at naturally. Go figure!

Some people on this thread seem to believe that because they made the mistake of pairing up with a control freak all of us have.

No. Not all men are the same as your partner love. Not all woman are stupid enough to allow that situation. Some of us are lucky that our partners do love and respect us and it has nothing to do with the fact that we are happy to pack their bags for them, not for them to fuck off, but to help them out a little because it's team work.

I've thought about this and the suggestion that by packing for ones DH one is infantilising him.

However, on another thread I've been told that DH is infantalising me because I leave most of the driving to him.

So if we are both infantalising each other, who the hell is in charge? .

I leave the driving to DP much of the time because he is so fond of driving and I hate it(especially in Paris - he grew up here and it's in his cultural DNA to drive that way). And there isn't the option (as there is with packing) of each doing it for oneself.

Out of interest, those people whose DH would pack inappropriate clothing if left to their own devices - do they do the same thing when getting dressed in the morning ie put on a warm sweater when it is hot outside etc, or is it just with packing?

When we go away I do the packing. Dh does other things like checks on the car, taking the dog to the kennels, securing the house etc. We work together how is that a problem?

Have we fallen through a wormhole and returned to the seventies?

who gives a fuck who does what as long as both are happy?

Life is very busy, there are lots of dull things to be done, share them out according to who likes/is best at and just get on with it.