Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Women who pack suitcases for men.

531 replies

AnnaMosity · 28/06/2012 08:11

I hear of this relatively often.
JUST DON'T DO IT.

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 28/06/2012 20:48

damsel that is unfair and ignorant.

I've been arguing thoughout this thread that it's great and sensible in an equal relationship to play to your strengths. But it's not okay to belittle someone and will damage your relationship even if you don't intend it.

What do would happen to a man who dared come here and say his wife looked ridiculous in her own choice of clothes and couldn't be trusted to carry the travel documents or even pack enough underwear?

NoComet · 28/06/2012 20:55

DH does jobs I hate and /or am crap at so why shouldn't I pack.

He cleans the hateful fish tank pump and ensures it won't real while we are away.

Clean clothes definitely beat decomposing algaeGrin

CaliforniaLeaving · 28/06/2012 20:57

Well I don't infantilise my Dh or even my teens for that matter. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and we all balance each other out. Dh does all my car maintenance, oil changes, belts, you name it (I have been taught to do them but he can do it much faster and likes to do it), he also paints, and decorates, gardens, does plumbing and electrical fixes and can mop our floors better than anyone I know. Including me.
So the fact that I know how many pairs of socks and undies he'll need and what trousers to pack and how to pack them all in one case is a small price to pay. I also do all the laundry and cooking because I'm better at it and want a meal each night. Swings and roundabouts, it's called give and take and has lead to a long and happy marriage so far (27 years this August)

lazylula · 28/06/2012 21:01

I pack for dh as I am at home and he is at work, by the time he gets back it is all ready and we pack everything in the car and the trailer tent ready for the journey the next day. When he goes fishing he packs for himself. I always wonder why people get so edgy about what happens in other people's lives? It is not like things like this have any effect on your life!

garlicbutt · 28/06/2012 21:07

Thanks, limited - and, what you said.

DamselInTornDress · 28/06/2012 21:20

Limited mine was a direct response to garlicbutt and what you said is not what she posted. So no, I was not being unfair nor ignorant. I believe garlicbutt was.

limitedperiodonly · 28/06/2012 22:16

Yeah, I noticed that damsel but surely that doesn't preclude me from calling you on an unfair, ignorant and frankly a quite juvenile and rude response to garlic.

There's no need for you to hang on my every post, but please, if you're going to pull me up on content, make sure you read everything I've said. Otherwise you'll just look silly claiming what I said wasn?t consistent with my reply to garlic.

Anyway, if you're interested in listening, I'll recap my posts.

There's nothing wrong with either partner in an equal relationship playing to their strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes.

There's everything wrong with belittling someone either deliberately or inadvertently. That damages relationships.

I happen to be married to a control freak. He doesn't beat me but amongst other things, he does insist on packing and taking charge of all travel arrangements including choosing, booking, and carrying all documents and money, including boarding passes, to the aircraft door. That's what attracted me to this thread.

He loves me and I love him and he does it because it hurts him more than I can imagine not to be in control of that aspect of our lives. It?s fear, basically. But I don?t know what he?s afraid of, and he probably doesn?t either.

But it is really fucking annoying, or infantilising, in fact, and I've decided it's got to stop because appeasing control freaks never ends and could ultimately wreck our relationship.

There have been no big rows, but I am dealing with this with humour, patience and firmness. We will both be better off at the end.

FWIW I am willing to lay money on the fact that DH knows more than anyone else on this thread about clothes - men's and women's. He should do, because that's his job.

He doesn't choose my clothes but I would be happy to defer to his advice because he knows what he's talking about, unlike most people, men and women, who think they know what looks good on others.

But it's advice only. He doesn't tell me I dress like an idiot and he wouldn't dare.

cybbo · 28/06/2012 22:21

I would never pack for my H for a business trip or a holiday. He has 2 arms that work

I can't believe how many of you do it

DamselInTornDress · 28/06/2012 22:29

Oh fuck and argumentalist!

There's no need for you to hang on my every post

I didn't bother to read further.

WTF!

DamselInTornDress · 28/06/2012 22:29

an argumentalist...

limitedperiodonly · 28/06/2012 22:34

I did say to read on only if you were interested in listening.

But you weren't because you're not interested in learning how other people live their lives.

You're just interested in your own POV and since it's so ill-informed, I'm not interested either.

DamselInTornDress · 28/06/2012 22:35

I wasn't responding to you. I responded to someone else and you went off at a tangent at me. So no, I do not want to enter a discussion with you.

Cheers.

garlicbutt · 28/06/2012 22:35

Wow, limited, that was some post! I admire your attitude. Hope you have enough good-humoured supporters around to help you carry through :)

limitedperiodonly · 28/06/2012 22:50

He's up in the air about halfway through a 12-hour business flight atm garlic.

I let him do his own packing. It seemed only fair for him to keep some control in our brave new relationship Grin

Whatmeworry · 28/06/2012 22:54

Surely the key here is context?

If its all one sided its bad news, if its a part of a split of tasks its good news.

smokeandglitter · 28/06/2012 23:00

We have our butler do it. Wink

No, um really I do it. But I like packing... I pack for every possible situation (think anti-bacterial handgel levels haha) and can pack things into small spaces. DP lays out his clothes and anything else he wants to take (usually mac and two books) and I make sure it?s all there because otherwise I worry we?ve forgotten something. He does address, tickets or whatever else because I worry I?ll forget those, and he reminds me of the key and packs the car. I can?t do heavy lifting (I have a disability in my legs and arms) and so he packs the car/carries things. He knows how to pack, but I want to pack. I?m not obsessive in that way really ?except for questioning what he has/making lists-- and if I asked him to pack then he would. I also love cooking, so I cook mostly.
I am a little woman I?m 5ft and half an inch but anyone will tell you we have an equal relationship and it?s what we enjoy/are better at that we tend to do. And if I want to pack surely it?s a little anti-feminist to tell me I shouldn?t be doing a task I want to?
Jins I agree, and on a more realistic side ? surely every relationship is different and what works for one and makes one happy might be different for another? Just like children. Grin

garlicbutt · 28/06/2012 23:29

Grin Considerate of you, limited.

everlong · 28/06/2012 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yellowraincoat · 28/06/2012 23:36

My partner asked me to pack for him a few weekends ago.

I did this face: Hmm

We share the household chores (more or less) but I draw the line at packing. That's ridiculous.

msbossy · 28/06/2012 23:55

If DH is going on his own he can suit and sort himself. If we're sharing luggage, he gives me his clothes and I pack. I don't mind as 2/3 of the bag is normally mine Grin

What does irritate me is that in 15 years DH hasn't booked one flight, accommodation or train. And believe me, it's not because i am a control freak. He has been told if he wants to go away again this year it's up to him to book.

GimmieChocolate · 29/06/2012 00:52

DH gets out everything he wants packed but I pack it as he wouldn't doi it properly enough for my control freakness! On his business trips he packs his bag but I'll help him with passing stuff from wardrobe etc...

I don't see the issue!

LeB0F · 29/06/2012 01:23

I actually agree with Bonsoir on this thread- it is massively infantilising to pack for/select outfits for anybody over about twelve.

nightlurker · 29/06/2012 01:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nightlurker · 29/06/2012 01:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

papooshka · 29/06/2012 03:00

I do the packing here too but my DH gets out everything he wants packed. I don't mind, I'm better at it than he is (it doesn't get so creased when packed by me!) and he does the jobs like the car/putting rubbish out/fixing stuff...

God I sound like a 50's housewife!!