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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a parent should be the one to care for their child?

100 replies

themaltbycrew · 26/06/2012 21:50

Ive been having a rough time lately, and my sister thinks the best way to 'find myself' is to go away with her for the weekend getting drunk and acting like im single.

She says Im the only one she knows of that doesnt like to be away from my children (7, 5 and 2), I am very prepared to have nights out with her while dh babysits, but a whole weekend I just wouldnt enjoy, id miss them too much.

She has 2 children of her own and doesnt think twice at leaving them with their nan for weekends so thinks thats normal. My children only have me or their dad so being left while they are awake would upset them greatly.

Is it normal for parents to go off for whole weekends? Or should i stick to my guns and just care for my kids till their old enough to care for themselves?

OP posts:
Portofino · 26/06/2012 21:52

I would say that they are not babies and couple of days leaving them with their dad would do them no harm - and let you have a lovely time.

JumpingThroughHoops · 26/06/2012 21:52

Do what you feel is best for your family and you - but no, it's not normal to be constantly at home and have no identity of your own and deprive yourself of a sociall life like a martyr. However if you wish to be a home bird, then that is your prerogative.

BonkeyMollocks · 26/06/2012 21:53

YANBU.

I would not leave ds for a whole weekend so i could go and 'live the single carefree life'.

A night? Yes why not, no way a whole weekend.

You do what you feel is right for you, if she doesn't understand that then thats her problem!

Softlysoftly · 26/06/2012 21:53

I haven't had the opportunity but I think past the baby stage a weekend with grandma while mummy relaxis is fine, so long as they are with someone they live it should be a great adventure!

I wouldn't go abroad though and tbh would prefer a nice spa weekend than getting pissed I'm an old fart!

Portofino · 26/06/2012 21:53

And dhs do NOT babysit their own children.

TheSurgeonsMate · 26/06/2012 21:53

I'd say yes, normal. I have looked after mine alone while husband away, and I have left her with granny. I haven't had an opportunity to leave her with husband yet, but I would.

Socknickingpixie · 26/06/2012 21:54

i think different parents opperate in a different way neither is right or wrong

samandi · 26/06/2012 21:54

I think it's perfectly normal for parents to leave their kids every now and then. Several of my friends and family work away for short spells as well as having occasional trips by themselves so the kids often get left with other family members. They seem fine to me.

HereIGo · 26/06/2012 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OddBoots · 26/06/2012 21:55

There's no normal, some people do some don't.

My children had some weekends (once or twice a year) with my parents from a year old. I was very glad of it when I was admitted to hospital 3 years ago (when they were 10 and 6) and had to be in 7 weeks over the summer holidays. Dh couldn't take all that time of work so they stayed with my parents during the week but because they are used to staying there so it was as much of an issue.

It's no big deal if you don't want to though, you need to do what is right for you, there should be no guilt either way.

Softlysoftly · 26/06/2012 21:55

*relaxes and love smartphone my arse!

Hassled · 26/06/2012 21:55

Some parents do and see it as not a big deal and their kids are absolutely fine with it, some parents feel as you do. Each to their own. If you'd be stressy and anxious the whole weekend then there's no point going - you need to do what you're comfortable with.

But if what you mean is that your DCs will never have anyone babysit apart from you or your DH until they're effectively grown up then that's not doing you or them any favours at all. They'll develop very little independence or resilience and you'll never get quality "alone" time outside the home with your DH, which can be very important.

ElizabethWindsorPonsonby · 26/06/2012 21:56

What's right for you isn't what's right for others and vice versa! Dd has a great time when DP and I go away as she gets a weekend with my mum and dad and gets to see her cousins (we live an hour away).

Equally I have no qualms about leaving her with DP if I go away as they have a great time together without mean old mummy insisting on things like bedtimes and no chocolate before breakfast Grin

Sirzy · 26/06/2012 21:56

YABU. If you don't want to then thats fine, but no parent should be judged for leaving their children with loving relatives to go away for a couple of days.

scottishmummy · 26/06/2012 21:56

do what you want
however some you time doing something nice is relaxing and necessary
however that can be going hairdresser, good book,cinema. you dont need to go get hammered to have good time

biddysmama · 26/06/2012 21:57

yanbu, ive never left my little ones, oldest turned 3 in march and ive 2 smaller. i dont want to leave them so i dont, not everyone wants to, if you dont want to then dont

featherbag · 26/06/2012 21:57

You'll get responses from both ends of the spectrum here, and everything in between. I think you sound like a bit of a martyr tbh, your DH does not 'babysit' his own children! It's perfectly normal for grandparents to look after children for periods of time to give parents a break - it's also perfectly normal not to let your children out of your sight until they're 21 - whatever floats your boat, really.

My DPs are looking after DS, who will be 1, for a week in autumn so DH and I can have a holiday as a couple. I'm really looking forward to this, as although I know I'll miss him desperately, my DM already looks after DS while I'm at work and I trust her to take as good care of DS as I would myself, plus he loves her!

Bottom line - if you want to have a bit of time off (to do something you actually want to do, which by the sounds of it is not what your DSis has in mind!) and have someone willing and trustworthy to care for your DCs, go for it if you feel comfortable. Don't do it if you don't want to. Whatever you decide, it's ok and never let anyone make you feel guilty for your choice.

LingDiLong · 26/06/2012 21:57

YABU to think ALL parents should have the same arrangement you have. If you don't want to go away for the weekend then fair enough, but that doesn't mean that all children would be upset if they were left with their grandparents. My 5 and 7 year old would think it was a huge treat!! Although it's not happened yet, I do have them booked in for my 10th wedding anniversary next year though.

Would your older kids really be upset at being left with someone close to them for a weekend?

pbandj · 26/06/2012 21:58

I think your title is UR

but then your post isn't, IMO you can't really "live the single life" cause wherever you are you are a mum, even if you're miles away from your kids IYKWIM, if you wont enjoy it don't go

but I think your title is wrong and not helpful for anyone especially the children

TheFallenMadonna · 26/06/2012 22:02

Having a close relationship with their grandparents is a very great plus in my childrens' lives. Staying with them is a treat. It's not about you and your duty. It's about the relationship between your children and the other adults in their lives.

Blueoctopus · 26/06/2012 22:02

In my very honest opinion YANBU my children are 6 and 3 and I have never left them over night and have only been on 3 nights out since I've been a mum and wished I was at home for the whole time. But this is because my mum very rarely went out ( in fact I only remember being babysat once) and my parents never had us stay with anyone until we wanted to go on sleep overs as teenagers. The same went for my cousins/aunts and uncles so it is normal for us, and personally the idea of me time is bizarre.
But it is being unreasonable to expect normal to be the same for everyone. It isn't and some people do need time away from their children and their is nothing wrong with that if it is right for them.

LynetteScavo · 26/06/2012 22:06

When my DC were about the same age as your's I left them with DH from Sat lunchtime until Sun lunchtime.

I was shocked to discover I didn't stop breathing because I wasn't with them, and a little peeved to discover they didn't miss me.

I had a great time, and so did they.

Now they often pop off to Grannies over night, and sometimes to my Dsis, etc. They certainly aren't old enough to care for themselves, but sometimes they like being cared for some one other than me. (They even think having to wash up at my sisters house is really good fun. Hmm). Sadly I usually just sit at home while they are being cared for by others.

Booette · 26/06/2012 22:09

But your DH is their parent? So if you went away for a weekend they would be looked after by a parent? So what's the problem?

When I go out for the day/night my kids love it as DH fills them full of sweets and stuff!

AKE2012 · 26/06/2012 22:09

My child always wants to go n stay at her grans. The longest i have left her is three days. In the last five years she has been away from me for about a week in total.

I couldnt do it all the time but every so often isnt too bad.

I dont know how you can jus switch off from being a mum and live the single life.

Do what you feel is right for u not what is right for your sister.

secretlyahippy · 26/06/2012 22:11

I find it hard being away from my children (5,3 and 7 months). I haven't left the baby yet as I'm still BF but the older 2 have been looked after by DH when I went away for 2 nights and have stayed overnight lots of times with my parents who live an hour away.

I think about them lots when I'm not with them but when I was young I often stayed with my grandparents and I absolutely loved it. We were fed loads of sweets and stayed up late. It was such a treat to go and stay with them. I wince as I know how much crap my parents give my children to eat but its part of the experience of being completely spoiled by your grandparents.

YANBU not to want to leave the children to go out on the lash every weekend, but now and again to have a treat with some mates is lovely. Try it and you'll probably have a great time and be keener to go again!!