to think a parent should be the one to care for their child?

[themaltbycrew]

Ive been having a rough time lately, and my sister thinks the best way to 'find myself' is to go away with her for the weekend getting drunk and acting like im single.

She says Im the only one she knows of that doesnt like to be away from my children (7, 5 and 2), I am very prepared to have nights out with her while dh babysits, but a whole weekend I just wouldnt enjoy, id miss them too much.

She has 2 children of her own and doesnt think twice at leaving them with their nan for weekends so thinks thats normal. My children only have me or their dad so being left while they are awake would upset them greatly.

Is it normal for parents to go off for whole weekends? Or should i stick to my guns and just care for my kids till their old enough to care for themselves?

Thanx for your replies, My children have been babysat before by family members but always while they are sleeping. My youngest is very clingy and will scream around anyone that isnt our household or my dad.

My husband only has mon/thurs off and they are the days i work so a weekend away would mean the children being left during daytime.

I understand how the title to this is wrong (i dont know how to change it). Im not saying that its wrong if people do have the livestyle and opportunity to leave the children with people they like and trust. I just dont have that option.

I think my problem is more that my sister thinks I should be more like her and just drop everything and go back to my single life. I quite enjoy my not single life. (otherwise i wouldnt have got married)x

I find it hard being away from my children (5,3 and 7 months). I haven't left the baby yet as I'm still BF but the older 2 have been looked after by DH when I went away for 2 nights and have stayed overnight lots of times with my parents who live an hour away.

I think about them lots when I'm not with them but when I was young I often stayed with my grandparents and I absolutely loved it. We were fed loads of sweets and stayed up late. It was such a treat to go and stay with them. I wince as I know how much crap my parents give my children to eat but its part of the experience of being completely spoiled by your grandparents.

YANBU not to want to leave the children to go out on the lash every weekend, but now and again to have a treat with some mates is lovely. Try it and you'll probably have a great time and be keener to go again!!

In your situatoon no I wouldnt as by the sounds of things your children dont bave a strong bond with anyone else.Most people I know in rl do though as their children are very close to their grandparents.

I think it is about being well rounded - doing something other than being someone's Mum or wife. I like to go and do my own thing (in fact am off somewhere this weekend for 2 nights) Dads deserve a turn at being in charge and Granny and grandads also deserve unsupervised time with their grandkids - its a great support network for them as they grow older as well as you should the need arise. My daughter went to stay with my parents when she was 2 for 5 days and ever since then she has LOVED going to stay and looks forward to a whole week at least twice a year now (age 7). But it gives me and hubs (we are only blessed with one) time for us and conversations that are otherwise difficult. We do everything together normally - even down to anniversary meals - lol. So it is possible for your kids to mean everything to you but you to also have time out from them to be "you". I miss DD terribly when she is not here, but I make sure I do some of the things I don't get chance for when she is around - long morning at the gym (swim, hot tub etc), hair dressers, lunch out with hubs etc. In many ways i am lucky - I have two sisters a bit younger than me who are at the tail end of child bearing age and they dote on her too - no kids of their own, despite both having the potential to be great Mums and wanting to too) and DD also has time with them and loves it too. I too spend some of this down time just at home - doing things I want doing like decorating when she isn't around so its out of the way etc. My parents are 2.5 hrs away so its an effort and cost to sort out but sometimes we meet half way and then i go and stay the last weekend, so it is possible even if people aren't local

They will be fine with your DH he is thier Dad. A lot of parents do have weekends away.

If you dont want to and don't feel it will help, don't. But don't make it into some wider thing about parents and what they should do. I would have welcomed the chance when mine were small. I would have missed them, but it probably would have done me the power of good. You don't fancy it, that doesn't make you better than someone who does.

It will be fine, and I promise you, you'll feel like a different person,

you don't have to drink yourself silly,
your husband will be fine,
and your children will love having daddy to themselves, it lets them work out rhythms.

a small break from ones family makes everyone appreciate each other much more, and two nights will allow you to relax properly.

It was years before I took a break, and I really wish someone had talked me into it sooner, I kept making excuses, I was a much nicer mummy afterwards, and the children really benefited also. Husband enjoyed being dad on his own. I think the dog missed me.

GO.

YANBU in that your idea of fun is not getting drunk and pretending to be single

you maybe slightly BU in that you or DH always have to be there and so I think a weekend with grandparents is fine however if I had weekend off would want to spend it alone with Dh not my sister pretending to be single
if i was with my sister would e more likely to be shopping visiting gallery etc but each to there own

if you had a bad time may be a treat to a day spa with sister might be better then you would be make home for bedtime

your kids will be fine with Dad but if you get 2 days free you need to do what makes you happy not what makes your sister happy,

unfortunately both my parents and Dh mother are too old to look after DD for anything more than 1-2 hours at home, they would not take her out as they could not in any circumstances run after her and that would worry them

no -one should dictate how you need to relax spend your free time but it is not BU to suggest you do need some free time maybe not 2 whole days just now but certainly several hours at a stretch,

Is their dad not a parent?

Sarahtigh, why is going out drinking pretending to be single? Can only single ppl go out?

I go out drinking and im not single. Dh stays at home with 6mo dd. He doesnt babysit. You cant babysit your own child.

I'd bloody love a weekend off!

krumbum that is what Op sister said not me

My sister looked after my 8wk old DS overnight while DH and I went to a wedding. Also my mum and dad had him for a week when he was just turned one, while we went for a (much needed!) week away. I didn't feel guilty going on either occassion. BUT that's me. If you don't feel comfortable don't go. But "don't go" because you think it's just singletons who spend the weekend away from their kids and get pissed. Don't go because that's what feels right for you And don't judge those that do (I'm aware you wish to change the title :) )

Why on earth would happy, well adjusted children be "greatly upset" by having the opportunity to have an exciting weekend doing something a bit different ? . Firstly, you aren't even talking about leaving them with anyone other than their parent are you ? Have I read it wrong? Aren't you talking about going away with your sister, and leaving them with their Dad ?
Even if you and your dh wanted to go away overnight, then the idea of a sleepover at a trusted friend or relative (or said adult coming to yours) should be billed as an "exciting treat" for the children - they wouldn't be aware it was because you fancied a weekend away together.
Please tell me I've read it wrong that you haven't left them with anyone , ever, in their waking hours....? I mean, are they home educated ? Don't they ever go to Beavers or Rainbows or Anchor Boys or Badgers or football training or dance class or anything ? Do they not go round to friends houses after school ?
I fail to see the association between 'being single' and getting drunk, either.
Nor is that sounding like an appealling weekend to me, but each to their own.
If you don't want to go and think you'll miss them too much, then fine, don't go, but don't try and say it's for them, as they will love a 'different' weekend if they are anything like the vast majority of children.

Oh goody. 2 whole pages and no one has brought out the single parent card yet. I get to bet the first, whoopee!

If a child is never cared for (not babysat) by anyone other than their parent, what do you think single parents do, never go out ever for 18 years?

I was a single parent for 7 years and out of necessity for my sanity, DS1&2 used to go for a sleep over at their Gran's now and again so I could go out. Whether that be to a wedding, the pictures or for a night on the town with friends. They used to go with their gran or my friends during the day if I had something to do out of school hours that I couldn't take them to. They thrived in it. 3 years on they still talk about the time N&K took them to the park for the afternoon and they played football and had ice cream and went wading in the river. They don't remember that it was half term and I had an exam, they just remember the fun the had. Equal they remember the time G stopped over and brought a giant bar of chocolate with her and they stayed up late having a pillow fight. They don't remember that I wasn't there because I was at a wedding.

I don't think it hurts kids at all to be left with safe, trusted people. If anything, I think it expands their world a bit and gives them more confidence around other people. For his tenth birthday, DS2 wanted to go to a Japanese restaurant. None of his school friends fancied it as the food wasn't battered and with chips, so he invited some of my uni friends. He was in his element being the centre of attention from a group of adults and held his own at the table, his behaviour was brilliant and he felt far more spoilt than he would have been had he been competing for attention with other kids his own age. Now he is a bit older and we have friends come to stay quite a bit and he has banter with them and likes bragging to his mates at school that his friend N is in Thailand doing a research paper on bird flu, or P just finished his doctorate studying parasites and will be working with that place mentioned in the film Outbreak.

I think you are being ridiculous tbh. You are coming across as a martyr and in a way implying that you are a better mother than those who leave their children with others.

You do have the option as you have a DH who could be the ful time parent while you were away. I think you could at least have a don't knock it until you tried it mentality. I usually have a weekend or 2 away with friends per year, a week away with my Dh and then typically my Dh goes away with his friends. Recently my dcs went with DH to Jamaica for 3 weeks as the annual family holiday, I couldn't make it but it wasn't a problem. Most people I know have time away from their children (am struggling to think of any but leaving room just in case).

Also just thought what about if you reverse the situation. What about when your children want to spend a night away from you? If the 7 year old hasn't had a sleepover yet one will soon come up, how is it any different.

Don't you worry you are making them too clingy?

My husband would be furious if I suggested that he couldn't manage a few children for a couple of days,

but I would be irritated if he said I couldn't manage for a weekend.

My personal belief is that it is good for young children to be cared for by loving members of their family (if available and suitable) for short periods (a day or two) of time. I feel it teaches them that there are many people who love them and will cherish them. I feel it helps build better relationships. My younger son (11 1/2) said the other day out of the blue (it surprised me) that he was felt lucky that he had other people around in case something ever happened to him.

It has helped my kids feel closer to their grandparents.

I would have zero qualms about leaving my kids in the sole care of their dad for a day or three once they were past the breastfeeding stage. He is as much a parent as I am and I think it is important for the parent-child bond for them to have to rely on each other without me around from time to time.

I don't think that just because you are a parent, your life needs to stop. If you do go away for a couple of days, their parent is still caring for them, it's just dad, instead of mum & dad. I am sorry, but I don't understand why leaving them with their dad would upset them greatly.

Saying that, if it makes you uncomfortable, don't do it.

I have not spent a night away from my youngest, but that is mainly through not being able to (cost etc) than not wanting to, but Dh recently won employee of the month at work & the prize is an overnight stay in a luxury room, in a hotel in the city, with breakfast & $100 to spend on anything! So we have booked this for my birthday weekend & a friend is having our dc (8 & 3).

I have a friend who goes away, for a weekend, every couple of months with friends, for a birthday for one of them, a special occasion & she says it makes her appreciate her family even more, because she gets to miss them & they her. She doesn't need it, but she loves to have some time to herself now & then.

You still need some time to yourself, it isn't wrong to leave your dc now & then.

I dont know how you can jus switch off from being a mum and live the single life

You don't just "switch off" being a mum. Well I don't..because being a mum is not all I am. I am also a wife, a friend & an independent person. When I have time away from my dc I don't stop being a mum, I just become someone with different priorities for a while.

It doesn't mean I am playing at being single, or that I want to be single. Or envy single people. It just means that I get to do something I want to do, without having to worry about little people needing a drink/snack/food/homework help/etc etc

Your sister isn't going back to her single life. She is just able to separate her family life from her social life once in a while. Not a bad thing, imo.

And to the poster who said her dh would be offended if she implied he couldn't cope with his kids for a while...mine too! It is slightly different, as it isn't a whole weekend, but as from the beginning of the year, my dh is in sole charge for at least 2 Sundays a month, all day (8am- 6pm). He loves it. He gets to play the soft arse father that he is when he thinks I am not looking & he gives them McD's for lunch, which they love it & love him for it (not that I don't let them have McD's, but it has become 'their thing' with dad). But not least of all, they all love it because their bonds are so much stronger, especially his bond with dd2, who is very much mummy's girl at the moment. It also gives him a chance to see what it is like being on your own with kids all day too. "evil"

If you don't want to then don't, everyone is different. There must be something that you enjoy that she doesn't, try insisting she does that or else she's not normal!

Yabu they are. It babies, it will not harm them stayi g with someo e that they love occasionally. I could not make this a habit though

I think that many people are assuming, as I did, that the plan would be to leave the kids with DH. Looking at the second post, this isn't so clear, and it is pretty clear that grandparents aren't an option. It's a bigger decision to wonder whether or how to get third parties involved in weekend childcare.