To say screw you society, I just had a baby and I'm going to be fat!

[confusedgypsychick]

Actually to say screw you media, mom and all the women who tell me how "easy" it was to loose the weight after the baby. Grrrrrr.

Katy how can wanting to be fat or nor have nothing to do with society when the consequences of being fat are (in the UK anyway not sure about the UAE) paid for by society?

Am really struggling to understand why people are so adamant that being overweight or obese is an isolated private choice. The obesity crisis has huge economic implications for our society - see predicted costs of my earlier post, £50 billion for the NHS in 2050.

Of course you are bigger having a baby. It takes quite a while (weeks normally IME) for your stomach to even sort of deflate from where the baby was. There are all sorts of extra fluids and things in your system. People don't just poing bak when they give birth, generally, irrespective of what some people on this thread seem to think.

I remember a week after having DD1 I was out doing something or other and next doors builders said "have you had the baby yet". When I said "yes" they looked shocked! But really, what do people expect? I know some people who have shrunk back quickly but honestly the expectation that you give birth and are then back as you were pre-pregnancy straight away is ridiculous! Even something like BF my boobs were massive for ages, and only went back to how they were pre-pregnancy when I stopped BF which was months later.

I mean you're supposed to allow 6 weeks to recover from CS (which is what I had) but nothing to recover from up to 42 weeks of pregnancy and then birth?

It's bizarre.

YANBU op, and congrats on your new baby x

i wish i could have had your attitude after having my dc

made myself ill by starving like mad the minute my babies were out to shed the baby weight in record time, who for, i don't know :(

why are women under so much pressure

I wish I had joined ww after coming home from hospital with DD. I joined at the beginning of the month and found out a week later that I was pregnant. The longer the weight lingers the harder it is to shift.

FWIW I am in a hot country (NJ, USA) and exercise outdoors is unpleasant. The gyms here are great and regret not joining one sooner. They all have childcare provision for children under age 5 (preschool) during the day and two evenings a week. I am also starting on my 2nd pregnancy 20lbs overweight. I somehow need to limit my weight gain to less than 30lbs.

It's true though, that you don't need to put on weight during pregnancy. That in itself is not healthy. We have to have some common sense about all this.

I firmly believe that focusing on health, energy levels (e.g maintaining balance, not having high/low blood sugar making you moody, ) not hitting the wine,and getting enough sleep etc is where it's at.

sure, there are ways one can get exercise - and even twenty minutes a day at home is better than nothing - but for some mothers, certainly for me when I was living alone with a six-month old, a full-time student and with a part-time job - every twenty minute block of non-baby time is not just a chance to exercise, but also a chance to
read a book
do washing up
do laundry
work at one's paid job
put up feet and relax
make phone calls, arrange appointments, pay bills...

Some women enjoy exercise either for itself or for the way it makes them feel about themselves, and will prioritise it high on that list. Some women are sufficiently concerned about health issues related to their weight that they'll prioritise exercise. Some women are so convinced by society that they ought to look a certain way, that they'll prioritise it.

I don't enjoy exercise, I have relatively minor concerns about my weight as a health issue, and I don't care enough about 'being thin'. So when I had my precious twenty minutes, I had better ways of using them. Sure, I would like to lose a stone - but not nearly so much as I would like to be able to see a film in the cinema once a week, or read the stack of novels on my bookshelf, or complete my PhD, or reconnect with long-distance friends and family...

So i guess that means I am not ready to lose the weight yet, if ever. I don't think the OP is, either. But I stand by what I said earlier - she doesn't sound totally happy, either, and time to do things she enjoys seems liek a better prescription than a celebrity exercise routine.

Can I ask a genuine question to those that don't put on much weight in pregnancy? Did you just ignore the feeling when you were faint with hunger? because I feel SO hungry when pregnant, I do not gorge on cakes or anything, but I certainly crave carbs and protein. and would have to get up for a banana or slice of toast because hunger would stop me getting to sleep. Also, in the early months it is the only thing that stopped me feeling so nauseous.

The only way I can lose weight, is when the baby is one and I have stopped BF and I need to to cut out bread, pasta, potatoes, etc and stick to 1200 calories a day... and exercise... kettle bells/boxercise/Zumba

My best friend is naturally tiny, she ate biscuits and cake for 9 months, within 2 weeks she couldn't wear her pre preg size 6s as they wouldn't stay up, she was eating for England and couldn't keep the weight on. There IS a genetic element in this for some people, I am sure

Did you mean if you were faint with hunger?

I didn't get faint with it but there were occasions where I felt more hungry than usual so I would have a healthy snack.

Ithaka, how would that be screwing society? Concentrating more on gym workouts than your baby. Maybe you don't want to be fat but some people care about more things than conforming to what our society has deemed sexy. And yeah having a baby does equal weight gain, obviously. Why do you care so much about losing it?

Dials. - I just went right off food and lost my appetite, came back later on bait was never ravenous. plus drink quite a bit and that wad cut out. I was lighter a week or two after the birth than I was pre pregnancy. This happened both times thouh my stomach didn't bounce back to quick second time.

Really need to proof read before posting!

Ah, op. I've read the whole thread and yanbu. My baby is 8mo and I weigh EXACTLY what I did 2 weeks after giving birth! I know exactly what the problem is - too much cake, lots and lots of gentle walking (for hours each day) but no strenuous exercise.

I hate bring fat. Yes, the f word. But I am - I wore 29 inch jeans pre pregnancy and now... I wear my stretchy maternity jeans!

I feel crap about it and have started to ring the changes. Once I set my mind to it I know I'll loose the weight and I want to be back to normal by Christmas. I think I'll do it

So I hear you op! Most of my Mum friends lost the (little) weight they gained very quickly. None of them have made me feel bad. They're all encouraging and great. But I feel the pressure from other friends and some family. And yes, from society too. And it's quite painful isn't it?!

Yanbu but I can see why some posters have felt you're being a bit defensive. There are always more things we can do, but it sounds like it's your Mum you're really cross with/ hurt by.

Next time I'm pregnant, I will eat what I like but not go crazy. I've learned my lesson - thought all the weight would miraculously fall off when my baby was born for some reason.

For those who've posted expressing concern about the burden that obese people are to the nhs - yep, I agree. But the op isn't exactly enormous at 8kg overweight. I'm 3 stone overweight, but you'd be preaching to the converted if you told me. I'm a doctor!

But for the few who've been horribly judgey about the op being a bit overweight - in the nicest possible way, sod off. As I havd said, the majority of my Mum friends list any extra weight very fast. None of them are passive aggresively mean about the fact that I'm still chubby.

Be kind to fellow Mums!

Epic post. Sorry!

Lose weight. Not loose. Sorry. iPhone typing + being tired...

60% of adults in the UK are overweight

So aren't you actually fitting into societal norms?

I'd have a go at losing it personally - the longer you leave it, the longer it takes. And no, it's not easy. Good luck though.

The nhs thing is a joke. We are made fat by the wheat and sugar companies who are government backed and politicians who are part of big business. These are the same people who evade, avoid and reduce their own taxes so that there is less money for much needed public services eg the NHS! Don't blame sick people for the problems with the nhs, blame the people actually causing the problem.
Whether or not more ppl are overweight is irrelevant, the pressure by society is to hate your body and try to change it (if your female) whether big or small everyone is told to be skinnier, the op wants the pressure to fuck off, that's what makes people feel shit about themselves, nothing else. And why is it good to feel negative about your body when your pregnant/have a baby, who does that benefit? It just teaches the next generation to hate themselves too...
You can be equally unhealthy when your skinny too, if you eat loads of sugar and carbs you can still get diet related diabetes and high blood pressure, fatter doesn't definately mean unhealthy and skinny doesn't definately mean healthy. You can be fat and active and will be much healthier than a think inactive person.

Worra, as it goes, I do cry at the drop of a hat.
I was exaggerating somewhat for effect, but I do think it's a bit sad that some women feel they have to lose weight and be glamorous immediately after giving birth. In the case of actors and models, it's part of their job to look a certain way and the pressure of being out of work if they don't is immense. I don't feel, as women that we should be adding to that pressure.
If, like me, your baby is getting on for 3, and you're being a bit lazy about exercise, perhaps a raised eyebrow might be appropriate when you blame weight gain on the baby. But the OP only had the baby 6 months ago! If you can't wear a few smock tops and relax about your weight in those 6 months, when can you? Never? Is that what we're saying? That women should constantly be obsessing about how fat/thin/big boobed they are? Well, they are.
As I said before, if you are active and eating healthily, it's not the end of the world if you don't fit into the body shape we are told by the media is perfect. If you are so over-weight that you have health issues attached to it, that is different.

Krumbum, just to pick up on a few of your points.

The NHS thing (not exactly sure what you mean by thing btw) is sadly not a joke. Or are you disputing the current or predicted figures that overweight/obesity costs the NHS money? Who pays for those increased costs? Well indeed I take your point that the food industry who is undoubtedly contributing to the problem should be made to pay something, but as the influences to this issue are multi-factorial it is impossible to point the finger at once specific cause, and therefore society bears the burden. Either in terms of current health resources being shifted to cope with the rise of overweight/obesity related health issues or tax increases. Or both.

I could not agree with you more that having a low self esteem is not helpful if you are considering or trying to lose weight. Friends, family and work colleagues should be supportive. Being critical and unpleasant is hugely unhelpful.

I do however disagree with you that if people are overweight or not is irrelevant. It is extremely relevant on a statistical/national level. The OP's current weight and weight gain is only relevevant to her on an individual physiological level. Scaled up to the level of society an extra 8kg with further weight gain for millions of people will have an impact nationally.

From a personal pov I do think 8kg is quite a lot, just as a pure non-body related maths-y weight. I got 4 x1kg bags of flour out yesterday and lifted them up. It's quite heavy [weakling]. Losing 8kg of weight will be hard work.

OP if you are still reading this I do sympathise most heartily. I gained quite a lot of weight during both my pregnancies and found it really hard to get motivated after the dc had been born to lose it again. There are factors from your posts that I agree will make it harder (the heat and poor healthy food choices at work) . Good luck with whatever you decide

Of course you're right when we're talking about proper obesity. It is a societal issue when the NHS is paying a lot for it.

But then again we don't say playing sport and risking a costly broken ankle/collar-bone/wrist is a societal issue... and that's something I love doing and has cost the NHS a fair bit over my 32 years of life so far! So maybe even with obesity people have a right to choose how much to put a burden on society with their "bad habits".

Anyway are we straying a bit into politics? Didn't mean to get so heavy :)

Do you agree that if we want to be happy mums we need a balance? Get active, eat well, but don't beat yourself up about being perfect. I do think it's sad when the pressure to be too thin comes from society. Both extremes are dangerous.

TBF when everyone had initially commented, the OP had said she was fat before having a baby, therefore it was not just baby weight to lose. She then got defensive and said she only had 8kgs to lose (that is still nearly 18bs and that is quite a lot which may also take her over her BMI etc).

I am shocked that people would ahve the nerve to comment on someones weight after giving birth but I, like most other people assumed that the OP must have wanted to lose weight otherwise she wouldn't have posted on here.

I like hawkmoon learnt my lesson from 1st pregnancy (I put on nearly 4 stone) and only put on 2 stone 2nd time. I am probably one of the only people in my group of friends that actually lost all the weight I put on but I would never dream of commenting about their weight to them, if they want to lose it they will etc etc!

Op Yanbu.

I am a bit astounded that anyone would blame food companies for making them fat?! I'm not skinny myself, but if I eat cake its not because a food company force fed me, like a poor fois gras goose, it's because I choose to.

To blame weight gain on a food company suggests that either you have no self restraint or are unable to understand eating more calories than you burn will make you put on weight.

My supermarket has a large fruit and veg section, doesn't mean I eat twenty portions a day though...

I blame my own weight gain on eating too much and exercising too little. I have no babies to blame it on.

i have said this before on another thread today but it fits, so forgive the c&p...

ah the thin fascists. i am reading more and more comments from women who think they have a right to demand that everyone should be thin.

the worst thing in the world to be is fat isnt it, much worse than being mean, disrespectful, vain, rude, ugly on the inside... yeah much worse. in fact, what we should do, is get some kind of "fat island" and ship them off to live there, so they cant offend thin and socially appropriate people's eyes.

yeah! and then, once we have dealt with the fatties, then we can start on the smokers, ooh ooh, and then ugly people... hmm but ugly people dont cost the nhs money do they?
ok we can leave the ugly people,
but we will need to sort out those who do a lot of extreme sports, they cost the nhs LOADS of money, so we can ship them off too, um, oh yeah, how about people that drink? god that costs the nhs loads of money too! lets ship the drinkers to an island too! yeah fucking drinkers, and take the drug takers too of course!!!
now, whats left? of yeah, people that do diy!!!! they must cost a fortune over the course of time, ship them off.
how about women that wear heels?
people that drink too much coffee?

oh wait.... that just leaves me.

hipposaurus you should check out the current BBC series 'The Men Who Made Is Fat". Utterly fascinating, episode 3 this week. The food business is absolutely a contributory factor to the current obesity epidemic.
Personal choices and behaviour are also factors, as are a whole shed load of other reasons.
Blaming the situation just on individuals or on big business is way too simplistic.

Katy, no no stray away into politics, I think it's fascinating (although as you say possibly not relevant to this thread ). Oh and btw I think playing sports wrt considering sports injury prevention is also a societal issue.