To be offended when someone says 'I could never do your job'...

[BlueberryPancake]

I used to work for a management consultancy firm, and after having my children I retrained and am now childminding.

Every time I go out and meet new people, there will always be someone (a woman, or more than one) who will say something like 'god I'd never be able to do that' or my favourite one - said to me this last Saturday at a friend's party 'I went back to work after 6 weeks because I needed some mental stimulation, I don't know how you do this, working with babies and children all day, it would drive me crazy'.

I could go onand on with more examples. And I could explaining why I feel offended by those comments, but I just thought I'd let you know, you people out there: I think that my job is meanful, valuable, essential in our society, I take my role very seriously and do my best every day to stimulate and care for children from 4 months old. And I wish people, especially other women, would respect what I do and value it more. There.

Why on earth would you be offended that people admire your ability to do your job?

I doubt any of them are implying that you do not take your job seriously or devalue it, they just mean that they personally couldnt and wouldnt want to do it. So yes, if you are offended, then YABU.

if someone said to me i went back to work after 6 weeks, i would say poor baby being dumped at that age, and walk away

Yabu, I would take that as a compliment.

I have said to pediatric nurses treating DS "I dont know how you do this job" and meant it in the nicest way possible.

I think most people saying "I could never do your job" mean it in admiration.
However, I can imagine that some people say it in a condescending way and I agree that the person who was saying she needed mental stimulation so couldn't do it was ignorant. (and I judge her for going back to work so soon!! ;) )

I agree that childminding is totally undervalued by many but parents whose kids are in the charge of a good childminder are, hopefully, extremely aware of what a useful, valuable, important job it is.

I am a deputy manager in a pre-school and I couldn't do your job!

Being solely responsible for the children, their paperwork, their parents... I have much respect for CM's and in fact, use a fabulous one myself (she just got outstanding from Ofsted).

I think YABU to be offended, but YANBU to wish your job was valued more by society.

I work with children, people tell me they couldn't do my job but I dont think they are criticising my job, I just think they feel they wouldn't have the patience or they wouldn't enjoy it. That doesn't bother me, I have a lot of fun doing my job.

I don't feel I could do an office job, but that only means that I couldn't do it. It's about me, not the job.

I think it can be intended as a compliment, but it can also be said in a thoughtless way that implies what you do is mindless. I would try not to take it personally. Some people are not able to gain as much satisfaction from caring for small children as others.

I personally wouldn't gain much satisfaction out of working in an office. Horses for Courses

It's split 50/50 with my job between people saying 'I don't know how you do it, there's no way I could do your job' and 'Ah you're a midwife? I'd love to do that'. I couldn't be a childminder though,however I am very grateful for their existence I just wouldn't personally want to do it.

The first comment you give as an example is not offensive IMO. Just means that person wouldn't have the dedication and patient you have so if anything it's a compliment.
I agree that the second example you give sounds a bit snobbish.
Overall though you're coming across as a bit insecure about your job really.

My job is like marmite, people often say "I could never do your job" in admiration as much as in horror. The ones of horror often have a bizarre idea of what it is I actually do....

"Why on earth would you be offended that people admire your ability to do your job?"

I agree. I couldn't be a childminder because I don't really like other people's children. I couldn't be a doctor or a vet or an airline pilot. It doesn't mean that I think these jobs aren't worthwhile. I simply couldn't do them.

YANBU to be offended because I've had this sort of thing said to me too and I know the way it's meant and it is quite devaluing. However, I would (a) completely agree with jellyjones and (b) not let it upset you but simply say something along the lines of your final paragraph.

My DH gets this all the time. He is a support worker with people who have physical and learning disabilities. He always takes it negatively when people say they couldn't do his job - he thinks they are referring to all the personal care aspects of the job, and he feels people are sneering because they think it's a low status job (and of course the pay is shit). But there is so much more to what he does than that. He is a friend to the people he works with, he cares for them and helps them live the best life they can. He is really good at it, and I am dead proud of him for doing it. And whenever anyone says to him 'I couldn't do your job' I tell him it's because they don't feel they have the necessary empathy and interpersonal skills.

So in a way I think YANBU because it's understandable to get tetchy about the comments people make, but try not to assume they mean it in a derogatory way - they are just as likely to be expressing admiration for the very necessary and important work that you are doing.

people say that to me about my job (teaching, inner-city, 11-16) and i think they're right. they couldn't do my job and wouldn't want to - it's pretty horrible, really. i wouldn't do it if i had a choice.

i've been a registered childminder. i might do it again. open minds, fun activities. the thing that puts me off is ofsted. if i still have to answer to ofsted, i might as well do it for my salary as for minimum wage.

Is it about the "I couldn't do your job..." or is it the insinuation that your job is mind mumbing? I think many, many caring professions are under-valued by a vocal section of society.

I agree with everyone else here, if it helps I say that to anyone who works in a profession I know I'd be rubbish in, no matter what it is. Childminding, teaching, sales, marketing, and, er, anything people facing. I'm rubbish at anything that involves actual interaction with actual people and have NO idea how people do it.

i get this when people ask me what im doing at uni in september (mental health nursing), i reply nor do i yet.

id take it as admiration.
fwiw- i couldn't do your job (ment in the nicest possible way ofcourse)

I have said this to my friend who works in child care, but it was meant as a compliment, as in, "I find having two exhausting, how do you look after so many, I take my hat off to you"

YABU. If it was meant as an insult surely they wouldn't say it to your face.

It's not so much offensive as a bit pathetic, really. I pity people who say things like that (i work in care) because what they're really saying is "I'm not a nice enough person to adequately look after someone vulnerable" and possibly "I'm not selfless enough to make those put someone else's needs above my own"

Yes, I'm a judgy bitch. When carers (paid and unpaid) are shown a bit of respect and adequately compensated for their hard work, I'll stfu...

I'd rather have thumbs stuck in my eyes than be a management consultant.

That doesn't mean that I don't think management consultants do a worthwhile and fulfilling job and that many people are very happy being a management consultant.

Mind you, I don't think I'd be so crass as to actually say that to a management consultant's face, so I guess yanbu.

I'd also hate to be the CEO of a multinational company, a barrister, an orthopaediac surgeon or in the police. Also doesn't mean I think they're crap jobs.

YABU. There are some jobs I could never do, like the police (I don't do confrontation). So if I said that to someone in the police I'd be telling the truth. What's so offensive about that?

I think a lot of it depends on the job. If someone says it about a CEO of a multi-national company, they normally mean they can't imagine having the time/organisation/dedication or that they are not qualified. It is a compliment and refers to how hard, responsible or time consuming the job is.

When people say it about people in your position, I would assume they are bracketing it with SAHMs, where it is implied that people couldn't do it because they would be bored/it is not challenging/it is not a real job. It is not a compliment. They are implying that they could not do it because it is below them.

So I think YANBU. The woman's comment proved it.