To be offended when someone says 'I could never do your job'...

[BlueberryPancake]

I used to work for a management consultancy firm, and after having my children I retrained and am now childminding.

Every time I go out and meet new people, there will always be someone (a woman, or more than one) who will say something like 'god I'd never be able to do that' or my favourite one - said to me this last Saturday at a friend's party 'I went back to work after 6 weeks because I needed some mental stimulation, I don't know how you do this, working with babies and children all day, it would drive me crazy'.

I could go onand on with more examples. And I could explaining why I feel offended by those comments, but I just thought I'd let you know, you people out there: I think that my job is meanful, valuable, essential in our society, I take my role very seriously and do my best every day to stimulate and care for children from 4 months old. And I wish people, especially other women, would respect what I do and value it more. There.

YABU if that's all that's being said. It is complimentary when someone says that they could not do something that you can do. For example, I could never be a policewoman, or a hairdresser because I'd be too afraid to have a go at either job!

What does get under my skin slightly is when I hear people say "I could never be a SAHM (which I am). I'd be so bored." To me, that does imply a judgement and suggests that my life is somehow uninteresting to them.

I once said this to someone but necer dreamed it could be taken in an offensive way..
I had a bit of financial trouble & ended up dealing with a debt collection agency (not a huge amount). The day I paid off the debt I spoke to the chap on the phone and at the end of the call he thanked me for being polite to him as he usually got people shouting at him. I just said something like "it's fine, I could never do your job, thanks for all your help". Apparently it made his day that I didn't call him every name under the sun!
It's a compliment, I cm too and have had people say it to me, I get a little smug about it tbh!
YABU xx

This is something I might say but only out of complete respect for other peoples different ypes of job.

I have many friends who work in childcare and also people say it a lot to me as they can't think of anything worse than working with anything to do with finance etc in the same way working with children would not be for me.

I don't take offence and my friends don't either.

Not really.

Tons of people say to me "i dont know how you do this" and i take it as a compliment.

At the same time, its acknowledging that my job is tough and not for the faint hearted, and that i do it well.

"ooooh I could never do your job, I'd never sleep at night" and so forth the " ooooh I could never" was alway subtext for " I think you're fucking scum"

Look on the bright side. I'm a journalist and everyone thinks they could do my job.

I agree with honeydragon and Mothersuperior OP. It's not always a compliment.

A CID officer once gave me the 'how do you sleep at night?' line and I said my job was better than fitting people up and pretending they'd fallen down the stairs in the police station.

He was very hurt at being stereotyped

I don't think all police officers do that, btw. But some do.

Don't be offended. I only say this when it's a job I couldn't do as I have recognized my personal failings.

When I say it it is meant to come out like " you are amazing, I'm not patient/kind/ brave enout to do that"

As opposed to "I could never do that I am far doo important and your job is beneath me"

That's what I have meant when I have said it joining. Considering where I am not on the career ladder no job is beneath but but there are plenty I am incapable off.

LOL at i think you are fucking scum
Can honestly say that i have never thought that some one has had that meaning in mind!

Shame that you have negativity surroundng your job, like you say, not everyone is like that.

Two jobs I could never do are policing and secondary teaching. I just don't have the necessary attributes for them. (I'm too thin skinned.)

The 'mental stimulation' comment was a little insensitive maybe, but generally when people say 'I couldn't do your job' etc it's a compliment, or just someone making conversation.

I should say I don't mind at all. It is so obvious to me though when people recognise my former profession is a necessary evil but admire me for doing it, as they are like the people who have genuinely said they admire the op. You can tell they are genuinely saying I couldn't do what you do.

The others are saying I wouldn't do what you do because I believe you to be a lesser person if you do, and think they are cleverly veiling an insult. In reality they are providing a big flashing neon sign over their heads stating Cunt Here. But that's just my opinion

it is implied that people couldn't do it because they would be bored/it is not challenging

Well I have to say, I don't quite see where the problem is.... We all like different things and get bored with different jobs. I might like to be an IT consultant but someone who is an artist would probably find it extremely boring.

And Being a mum doesn't mean that you enjoy spending all your time doing children and baby orientated stuff, never mind enjoy doing them with someone else child!

So I think you are being over-sensitive and YABU.
What I do get is that you have chosen a job to fit around your family life, something that isn't as recognized as your old job and you are struggling to accept that you are not getting as much recognition for it.
You might have to get over it or to review the reasons why you chose that job and whether it is actually what you really want to do.

*OK another example. The other day, I was at one of my minded children's birthday party - he turned one. We were having a conversation and one of the mums said - the very typical - I can't wait to go back to work, I am fed up of this baby talk, and always changing nappies and all that mess. Really - and she turned to me - I don't know how you can do this every day.

Is this meant as a compliment? Did I missread it again? Because it felt to me as if she was saying that this work with children and babies is way below her. Not that she can't physically or mentally do it, it's just too boring.*

Well I would say exactekly that too.

I doesn't mean that think this is a job below me. These are MY children and I love them and would do anything for them. But I don't like spending all day every day doing baby stuff.
I like to be able to have some time for myself and do something that is rewarding for me.
I think you would probably find my job (and what I like doing) the most awful thing in the world. And that's OK.
That's why you do your job, I am doing mine and everyone is happy.

Unless you think that every mum should want to spend all their day with their dcs, all the time and could not imagine anything else more interesting/important to do than that. And yes playing peek a boo with a baby can be boring to some people. And yes they will want to do something more intellectually stimulating for them (remember this doesn't have the same meaning for everyone!).

I really think you are taking any comment in the wrong/negative way instead of looking at what people really tell you. it is not something I would be able/enjoy doing.

'mental stimulation' is insensitive only if you think that there is some sort of hierarchy in mentally stimulating activities and that everyone has/likes the same sort of mental stimulation though.

I wouldn't want to spend all day looking after children either, especially other people's children. I don't think I would find that interesting or mentally stimulating.

That's why I didn't choose childcare as a job or career. It wouldn't suit me at all. But you did choose it - are you regretting that choice maybe? Honestly it sounds like this is more about your own feelings and view of yourself than anything. It's never occurred to me to want people I meet to 'respect' or 'value' my job , there must be a reason why you feel the need for that validation from others?

I'm guilty of saying that and I apologise for offending.

I couldn't do the job of childminding. It is hard work and a fractious toddler is 100 times more demanding than your most difficult client. You don't get any time out, you can't just tell the kids to entertain themselves whilst you have 5 minutes thinking space. My job involves working outside of working hours, planning and researching etc and I'm well aware that the childminder has to do the same.

I have respect for the role of childminder and would never consider it a lowly job. There may be some people who just plod along not treating it very seriously but there are people like that in every profession.

Feeling really sad that a passing compliment that I make to many of my friends in the "caring" professions would be taken so badly. Makes me wonder what I should say really. I couldn't do your job because I'd end up with fewer kids by 4.00pm than I started the day with?

Vicky , that made me LOL

I start in my new job as a childminder on monday and I'm so excited, I left my job recently and had all the " I couldn't that job, you must be mad" etc etc but I don't they were being cruel in any way, I just think it probably would drive them bonkers being with children all day, where as people like us love being with them. It is a hard job but I do adore children and find them so fascinating. I don't think other people realise that all the planning, observations, diaries and constant paper work that is involved when you childmind , we are now self employed and have invoices, expenses and tax forms to deal with, i think that enough mental stimulation dont you? Role on next monday I cant wait!!
And P.s my desk job was so boring and not mentally stimulating what so ever.

Nice post emmie, it's really good you'll see. Hard work but great fun. The paperwork does get easier with time, tax stuff is easy if you do it every week, and don't forget risk assessments....

Well it is a bit better than some fucker saying 'I could do your job, all you do is sit down all day'

I love that comment you made to the copper limited.

There are loads of jobs I couldn't do and genuinely admire people who do it (copper is one by the way). i agree though that some people are patronising bastards and may not mean it as a compliement.

GetOrfMoiiLand now that was insulting!

thanks blueberry, I am feeling a bit daunted re the paperwork so glad you say it gets easier.

Would say that lady? Or would you just think it?

Because if someone said that to me I'd accept she mightn't have meant to be rude, but I would think she wasn't smart enough for a job in the diplomatic service.

I like my job Getorf. It gives me endless opportunities to be fucking rude to people who deserve it. Bugger money, that's real job satisfaction.