To be offended when someone says 'I could never do your job'...

[BlueberryPancake]

I used to work for a management consultancy firm, and after having my children I retrained and am now childminding.

Every time I go out and meet new people, there will always be someone (a woman, or more than one) who will say something like 'god I'd never be able to do that' or my favourite one - said to me this last Saturday at a friend's party 'I went back to work after 6 weeks because I needed some mental stimulation, I don't know how you do this, working with babies and children all day, it would drive me crazy'.

I could go onand on with more examples. And I could explaining why I feel offended by those comments, but I just thought I'd let you know, you people out there: I think that my job is meanful, valuable, essential in our society, I take my role very seriously and do my best every day to stimulate and care for children from 4 months old. And I wish people, especially other women, would respect what I do and value it more. There.

I would say "I could never do your job". Obviously you'd be insulted. However, what I mean by "I could never do your job" means "I don't know how you have the patience, resourcefulness, imagination and tolerance to deal with other people's children day after day, I would have smothered them".

I think you are overreacting and reading an insult into a comment which generally actually rather complimentary

I have the opposite issue: I am a (trained! qualified! highly experienced! bloody good!) editor and everybody else thinks because they speak English they could do it. ("I've done a bit of editing, well, I speak English so it isn't hard"..."I wrote some reports once so I think I could do that"...ad bloody infinitum).

Natashabee I am a bodypainter. Mostly for commercials and print adverts, but some times people imagine a whole other side to it!!

BTW I don't think people mean it as an insult, but when they imply that you don't use your brain when looking after children and that they simply have to be in a stimulating, mentally challenging job, then it is an insult.

You can choose whether or not to feel insulted though

It's easy to tell when it's meant to be a compliment, I used to get

" ooooh I could never do your job, I'd never sleep at night" and so forth the " ooooh I could never" was alway subtext for " I think you're fucking scum"

Haven't read all the posts yet but I am just starting childminder training and its already driving me mad! People DO say this and I don't think they do mean they admire you. I think people think I'm crazy for choosing to do this.

Well I think looking after children is bloody hard and you need the patience of a saint and eyes in the back of your head. The responsibility is massive and the training thorough.

When I say "I couldn't do your job" to my friend, it is said in awe of her skills and personal traits.

YABU - the people who are saying this are almost certainly meaning "I have huge respect for you, your job is extremely difficult and challenging and it should be better valued by society and better paid".

The fact that not all women have got what it takes to do the job and do it well is evidence of how valuable the job is.

Look on the bright side. I'm a journalist and everyone thinks they could do my job.

YABU it isn't an insult. FWIW I could never look after other peoples' kids all day long. I find it stretch looking after mine all bloody day...

I looked into doing childminding but I decided that I am far too lazy - too much responsibility, too much Ofsted and the hours are too long. I take my hat off to you.

Knowitall, that's exactly how it often sounds: "it is implied that people couldn't do it because they would be bored/it is not challenging/it is not a real job. It is not a compliment. They are implying that they could not do it because it is below them."

people say that about my job all the time, I don't care unless they are the people who in the same breath say that immigrants like me are taking all their jobs (so how exactly does that work if my job is so beneath you?)

I wouldn't choose to do your job, I would never use the word "couldn't" cause if my children were starving I would... but you prob wouldn't wanna do mine either so..

Blueberry, told you, you can tell when they mean it as in insult.

It is handy though, it makes cunts much easier to spot a lot earlier on.

How do you know that is what they mean OP? So many people on this thread are saying they mean it as a compliment,. Do you honestly think people would actually imply to your face that your job is beneath them?

Op I couldn't do you job, it very damanding and a huge responsibility.

I think good child care providers are the back bone, because if it wasn't for childminders nursery worker and teacher are educating tomorrows adults.

I don't think I could be a sonographer, I don't know how I'ld deal with telling people that their babies had died, but I don't think me not being cut out for that job is insulting them TBH

I'm a practice nurse and a baby's mum once asked me after I'd immunised my child 'how do you sleep at night after hurting babies all day?' Didn't bother replying 'very well, thanks, knowing I've protected them from a multitude of diseases'.

Used to work in A&E and always got the 'I couldn't do your job' bit - I used to take it as compliment.

I too would treat it as a statement of admiration... you are manageing to do something they couldn't even consider. How can that possibly be perceived as being offensive ?

OP: I couldnt do your job. But then I could never be an undertaker either. Or work for the water board pumping out sewers.

Still offended?

Heard this a few times about my job - have always taken it as a compliment; not very many people would choose to do it, not many capable of it tbh.

YABU - just because someone couldn't do your job doesn't mean they don't value and respect what you do.

I respect and value teachers enormously but I couldn't do what they do - I can teach adults but could never teach children as I don't have the skills and patience to do so. I'm a practice nursing sister and in my 16 years of nursing have been told many times that "I couldn't do what you do".

I take it (usually) as a compliment as I think it takes a special kind of person to work as a teacher/nurse/police officer/undertaker/customer services manager/insert career of choice.

are you one of those people who could get offended in an empty room? You sound like it.

I couldn't do your job. I know this because I've done your job, and I was both shit at it and unutterably bored. If that offends you for some stupid reason then thats your problem. You must be insecure about your job and yourself to be thinking that way.

My sister's a nurse, specialising in the care of people with learning disabilities. I couldn't do her job - because I don't have the right skills. I don't have her incredible ability to communicate with people who really cannot communicate in any way that I can understand, I don't have her patience, I don't have her knowledge, I don't have her empathy (except in an abstract sense). 'I couldn't do her job' means, in this case, 'I really admire her ability to do stuff that would be way beyond me'.

No if someone says something like I couldn't do your job; I need mental stimulation, I would think they're being rude (even if unthinkingly) so YANBU for being offended at that.

However I couldn't do your job because I do not have the patience or the talent - the nursery staff where DS goes are absolute professionals (the manager and deputy have both completed MSCs in early child development last year) and they put a lot of thought into activities, learning through play and coaxing children into doing things the right way or the nice way (which is pretty much advanced neuro-linguistic programming in my book) as well as running a business.