To be offended when someone says 'I could never do your job'...

[BlueberryPancake]

I used to work for a management consultancy firm, and after having my children I retrained and am now childminding.

Every time I go out and meet new people, there will always be someone (a woman, or more than one) who will say something like 'god I'd never be able to do that' or my favourite one - said to me this last Saturday at a friend's party 'I went back to work after 6 weeks because I needed some mental stimulation, I don't know how you do this, working with babies and children all day, it would drive me crazy'.

I could go onand on with more examples. And I could explaining why I feel offended by those comments, but I just thought I'd let you know, you people out there: I think that my job is meanful, valuable, essential in our society, I take my role very seriously and do my best every day to stimulate and care for children from 4 months old. And I wish people, especially other women, would respect what I do and value it more. There.

It's one thing giving comments of admiration at the hard work you do (therefore nothing to feel offended about) but you mentioned some of the more disparaging comments from people who think you don't get any mental stimulation. Putting up with crap like that then, no, I think YANBU, definately not, it would annoy the heck out of me too. Just because you are not having conversations with adults does not mean it isn't mentally taxing!!

What about the questions children ask for goodness sake? Only today my daughter asked me to explain the concept of 'time' and I don't mean big hand, little hand, I mean TIME, just what is it? My tired brain could not really explain it I'm sorry to say.

If I was choosing a childminder today i would want to choose one with your philosophy. Take no notice of the annoying comments!

It depends on how its worded. The example in your title and the first example in your post is not offensive. The second example in OP does sound rude.
There are loads of jobs I couldn't do, yours being one. That doesn't mean I think it is beneath me. I couldn't work with children all day. I said this to a manager (same level as me) that visits peoples home to deal with complaints face to face. I couldn't do it. He has been threatened and all sorts, takes it in his stride. I would be a nervous wreck. I admire what he does.
Maybe you need to think about why you assume its meant in a negative way.

I just don't understand why people feel the need to say it. If nobody is asking them to do your job, then why make the comment?

I used to be a foster carer. I lost count of the people who made comments along the lines of, 'I couldn't do that, I wouldn't be able to give them back.'

Because I was a hard hearted mare, obviously .

Are you ashamed of your job, just a little bit? I couldn't do your job either. I haven't got what it takes. You can do more than just that job too. You are multi talented.

I have made the same comments to a Policeman, Child Protection Social Worker, Nurse (anything to do with bllod, guts and gore) etc

I think if you feel undermined by people who make those kind of innocent comments in your OP. It says more about you than they.

Be proud! You offer a wonderful service :)

shockers Why do you feel that? hard hearted strong and caring are two different matters. I'd love to be a foster carer :) Amazing job/people.

I've only made those remarks in conversation with people I've known vewry well. Uncle is Policeman he said I should join. Old neighbour of mine was SW he said he thought I night be a good SW. etc...Father wanted me to be a nurse. I wouldn't say it to people I didn't know that well and it wasn't a career I was asked about or considering. Yes, that is rude. What suits one doesn't suit everyone. Keep it to yourselves.

Sole, thank you. I am no longer a foster carer because there were two that I didn't give back .

It was always the same kind of person that said it, those who had always harboured a deep seated desire to do it, but had never seriously looked into it because they just love children too much. I was always left feeling that they must assume that I didn't!

The OP struck a bit of a chord because I don't think people always think through what they're saying about the choices of others.

But, if they did, there would be no need for AIBU .

I get what the OP is saying. I think it would be fairly easy for her to tell when someone says in admiration "I couldn't do that" versus when someone says it in condescension

And here is the problem. So many people on this thread are describing their experience of receiving condescending comments about carers' roles: childminders, nursing, nursery workers, personal carers, SAHM's and so on.

And what do these have in common? All traditionally FEMALE roles. More proof (as if we need it) that society completely undervalues the cutomary female contribution to society.

YANBU at all op. I get that fairly often too, as a nanny. It's fairly easy to tell when people are saying it in admiration or condescendingly, I do get people saying it as a compliment particularly when they realise the hours involved and how difficult it is to move on from each job. But occasionally you get people who look down on me for being in childcare, or who see it as the easy way out.
My personal bugbear is when they insist on referring to me as the babysitter- I babysit, as part of my job, but in my mind that's a term for someone being in the house when the parents are out and the children are sleeping.
I worked bloody hard for my qualifications! I'm constantly trying to improve my practice, take courses etc. I do a valued job, I like to think, the pay is great as a whole because I work such long hours!

I'm sorry OP, but I couldn't do your job. Maybe you couldn't do mine either; doesn't worry me.
It's just as well you can do something so many others can't though, isn't it? Good for business and all that?

I am a SAHM/carer for DS. I couldn't do your job, as I find it difficult stimulating and organising my own two children. I have the greatest respect for anyone who works with babies/children, as I think they can be exhausting. Not just physically draining but mentally exhausting, planning, entertaining, dealing with the questions of little people.

I know a few teachers/CM and I do think they have a different temperament to myself, (they also seem quite calm and capable). Anybody who does say this in a derogatory way clearly has issues of their own or very little understanding of the day to day life of little people.

I get 'ooh I'd love to do your job'. To which I feel like saying 'Well, a quick five years with minimal income, another year knocking out hundreds of applications, and you could too'.

TBH it's a massive step up from 'Really? That bunch of idiots?' which I got for a job in the past. I started lying saying less about what I did after a while, you could try that? Tell them you run your own business, which is true.

I have a friend who's a childminder and I say to her all the time that I couldn't do her job! I struggle with my two DC's, so the thought of having a houseful of children to entertain for 8 hours every day just fills me with dread. I completely admire what she does, she is the right kind of person to do that job whereas I am most definitely not!

I'm an OT and many a person has said to me that they couldn't do my job. It's never been as an insult though. If someone said something disparaging that suggested that they though my job wasn't "stimulating" enough they'd get a mouthful from me, I tell ya!

When comments of wanting mental stimulation are plonked in as a reason then YANBU. That's very rude.

YANBU. Agree with you. There's an implied disrespect perhaps in their comment. Or do you feel a little undervalued here anyway. Either way, I agree your job is incredibly important and is probably much more interesting and stimulating than some boring job with alot of dreary adults.

Teachers get this all the time. I never took it as criticism but more as a sign that everyone seems to think teenagers are feral...

We someone says this to me, I often mentally stand back and think. 'nah, you couldn't'.

I've only ever said it as a compliment- an acknowledgement that their job requires skills I do not have- e.g. I told DS's teacher I could never do her job because she has such amazing patience with the kids when they're being little shits.

People say this to me nearly every time i go into work , as a nurse . And do you know what ? they are right . We both do very important jobs , both involve bodily fluids and alot of people simply couldn't cope with that . I would be worse than useless in anything that involved maths or IT at a higher level . Luckily there are lots of people who excell at these subjects .

Let's face it, it's much better than someone saying: 'Really? Piece of cake.'

I could do your job but I'd be a bit crap at it. Is that better?
And I imagine you get more mental stimulation in a day coping with babies an toddlers than I do in my office job.
I used to work with someone who would say when thing weren't going her way ''oh I wish I had your job'. Cheers love.

Eeeek. I said this to a childminder on Friday. I hope you aren't her. When I said 'I couldn't do your job', what I meant was that I thought it was a difficult job which needs a particular set of skills that I don't posses. Be flattered, surely?

I think that "I'd never be able to do that' is ok as it is recognising that they don't have the necessary skills. The woman going on about mental stimulation was rude though as it implies you don't need mental stimulation.
Could you say to people who say "working with babies and children all day would drive me crazy'. "Oh, what do you do at the weekend and on holiday then? Do you get a babysitter?" Or "I suppose how mentally stimulating looking after babies and children is depends on how you approach it." Thus sort of implying they stick their child in front of the TV all day. :o
Or to "'I went back to work after 6 weeks because I needed some mental stimulation, I don't know how you do this," "Really? Wow! So early! I don't how you did it!" :o

I would mean it/take it as a comment on wanting to do it and having the correct skills/temperament. Unless there is a comment like the ridiculous one about boredom (that seemed more an exercise in making the one making the comment feel superior) I wouldn't see any offence in the statement.

"I'd couldn't do your job" and that is absolutely a complement!!!

I can just about cope with my DDs because they are mine and I have to.