Proposing on somebody else's wedding... AIBU?

[aurynne]

Hi all. My DP and I are getting married in January, in a very simple beach wedding followed by a BBQ, only family and close friends, all staying in an outdoors centre very close to the beach (note: wedding is in New Zealand, and it's Summer there in Jan :).

One of my friends, who is invited to the wedding, told me some days ago that she is planning to propose to her DP in my wedding, "as she thinks it would be very romantic". I did not say anything, because I was a bit taken aback, to be honest.

Now I have had time to think about it, I have conflicting feelings about it. I am very relaxed about my wedding, no dress code, no formalities, etc... So I do believe I am as far away from a bridezilla as can be. However, there is something I don't like about someone else using our wedding to frame their own proposal.

As I honestly have no idea about wedding etiquette, and it may just be that I am being selfish and should just be happy for my friend, I would like to ask for wisdom here...

AIBU to feel a bit uncomfortable with the idea and considering asking her to propose the day after?

Have you ever proposed on someone else's wedding, or know someone who did? Do you think it is appropriate? If you witnessed it, how did it go?

YADNBU.It's crass and attention seeking.

Slightly different.

I was newly and un-showing pregnant at a friends wedding. They were the first of the friend group to get married and I was the first of the friend group pregnant.

I was also known as the one who would drink anyone and everyone under the table. So of course at the table everyone is 'why are you not drinking?'.

Very fast thinking and came up with DP was and I am designated driver as the groom was his school friend.

No way I think it was fair to share that on their day.

xpost with mumsy

How very rude of her.

And no, I wouldn't want her to propose at the lantern moment, then she'll come back and expect everyone to be talking about her and her wedding, whilst still at yours. Totally out of order.

At least you have time to help her see reason.

YABU if you think it is inappropriate of her to propose at your wedding, as if she is trying to steal the limelight.

She is BU to tell you that she is planning to propose. The first person to know should be the person you are asking.

She is also BU to plan to propose at your wedding, not because of you but because it should be a private moment between the two of them.

Exactly trills the woman might find it romantic but it screams attention seeking and calculated where a proposal should be about the couple imo not who is going to see it , maybe the Ops friend has seen far to many chickflicks

I'd go fucking mad.

I might sound like a bitch but I would.

I also think its weird when women propose to the men... I await slander from feminists

Let her do it....then announce your pregnancy on her wedding day evil

I know the logistics would be impossible to arrange & I think YANBU, I would be upset.

YADNBU but be reassured that no onlookers will think its romantic, they'll just think she's a bit of an attentionseeking tit! it'll still be all about you, as a guest I wouldn't be impressed by a proposal at someone elses weddings - hate public proposals anyway

A very self-absorbed couple announced their engagement at a colleague's wedding, shortly before the B&G first dance, and god it was awkward. People who didn't know them were staring and she was all squeally, showing the ring and both beaming, expecting, I think a big fuss.... and there wasn't one. Apart from two female friends who were equally squeally, the congratulations were polite but muted, and even her parents who were there looked awkward and drew them away to the bar.

I didn't even announce my OWN preganancy at my wedding because that one day was about us as a couple, there was time to announce the baby later

My friend's DP asked her to marry him at another of our friend's wedding. I was very but people there wished them well etc. It was all a bit strange because I'm sure he only asked her because her ex was also there and she'd been chatting to him, just politely. But you could tell her DP was furious and then soon after, they were talking v animatedly and drunkenly and next thing, they were engaged.

The marriage lasted less than a year.

I saw it happen once- pretty much everyone at the wedding was of the consensus that they were attention seeking, trying to hijack the happy couples celebrations by making about them. Especially when bride-to-be came over and told us that the toast we (the female friends) were all making to the happy couple should also be to her to.

I think personally i wouldn't want to even taking that out of it, public proposals make me uneasy because a) the proposee feels like they can't/shouldn't say no and b) if they do it's embarrassment and awkwardness all around.

Something similar happened at my engagement party - a v good friend of mine decided to announce her engagement as well -wtf?

Even now thats all anyone can remember of the party - and not in a good way iykwim.

Fast forward 10 years - I'm still happily married, shes not and we haven't been in touch for several years. bitter? moi?

I think you need to have a word

I do hope you announce your pregnancy at their wedding

If she's planning a big 'look at me' moment then she's bang out of order. If she's planning on quietly proposing and then announcing it your wedding day then I don't think it's too bad. But as the others have said why plan over 6 months in advance? If she wants to propose then bloomin' well do it.

I was at a wedding last weekend where the bride's aunt announced her pregnancy to 120 people, at only five weeks, to prevent the bride's mother 'hearing through the grapevine'

OP, any chance her DP will propose before January? Can you convince him to

Well I think your friend is a bit of a silly bint to consider this, on your spscial day, unless she plans to do it very privately.

Slightly different, but DH and I attended the wedding of some mutual friends about a week after we were engaged. I deliberately wanted to keep it quiet but after the ceremony during the photos/drinks, the bride asked whether we were going to getting hitched any time soon, so I rather sheepishly showed her my ring. She was absolutely delighted, but if I'd been all showy about it/ boasting to people/ announcing my engagement out loud, it might have been a different story!

My jaw is on the floor after reading some of these stories!

Wearing a wedding dress to someone else's wedding?!

Actually I recently heard about a wedding in the US where the bride asked all her married friends to wear their wedding dresses to her evening do...weird.

I really hope your friend leaves your day alone. I'd feel terrible for announcing a pregnancy or engagement even around the time leading up to the wedding, never mind on the actual day. It's not about how you feel or react, it's about your 'friend' being an idiot.

Dsis announced her pregnancy at my wedding.dmum had insisted she was a bridesmaid; she refused to attend any fittings, refused to wear her hair up and didn't tell me, just all the guests. I looked very confused to be told on my wedding day about her pregnancy, by a great uncle.

I'm not one to support "Worship Only At The Feet of the Bridezilla - It's Her Day, Hun" sort of behaviour. But there's a huge difference between this and not having your own wedding diverted in order for all the attention to focus on a guest. So it's not the best possible taste to propose at a wedding unless the bride and groom are absolutely OK about it.

It also seems odd to be planning a proposal so far in advance and I'm slightly suspicious that it is intended to put the friend's BF on the spot in a very public way which will make him unable or unwilling to say no. Which is why I rather doubt that the OP's sensible suggestion of a quiet, private proposal on the beach, say, may not be a popular one!

When one of DH's relatives got married, we didn't go (because we don't like her), but his mum decided to announce that I was pregnant to everyone.
The relative later sent MIL a card saying, "thanks for waiting until after the ceremony to announce the pregnancy". MIL thinks this means the relative was happy - I suspect there might be another meaning..

Should point out, neither DH or I suggested or condoned this! And in fact would have preferred if we could have been the ones to break the news.