Proposing on somebody else's wedding... AIBU?

[aurynne]

Hi all. My DP and I are getting married in January, in a very simple beach wedding followed by a BBQ, only family and close friends, all staying in an outdoors centre very close to the beach (note: wedding is in New Zealand, and it's Summer there in Jan :).

One of my friends, who is invited to the wedding, told me some days ago that she is planning to propose to her DP in my wedding, "as she thinks it would be very romantic". I did not say anything, because I was a bit taken aback, to be honest.

Now I have had time to think about it, I have conflicting feelings about it. I am very relaxed about my wedding, no dress code, no formalities, etc... So I do believe I am as far away from a bridezilla as can be. However, there is something I don't like about someone else using our wedding to frame their own proposal.

As I honestly have no idea about wedding etiquette, and it may just be that I am being selfish and should just be happy for my friend, I would like to ask for wisdom here...

AIBU to feel a bit uncomfortable with the idea and considering asking her to propose the day after?

Have you ever proposed on someone else's wedding, or know someone who did? Do you think it is appropriate? If you witnessed it, how did it go?

Your wedding sounds really lovely OP!

I think your friend is out of line planning to propose on the day especially since it's so far away - she has plenty of opportunities to do it before then or afterwards. I guess it two guests get wrapped up in the romance of your day and end up privately becoming engaged that'd be okay but even so...I'd still rather wait until afterwards!

I don't know if this is just me but I wouldn't want to share my engagement with someone else's wedding!

Close friends of ours are getting married next summer and whilst DP and I do want to get married at some point I'd rather wait until after their wedding to get engaged. I'd hate to get engaged a few weeks before and to have to keep it quiet. I've got a feeling DP may be 'encouraged' to pop the question after seeing one of his mates get married, though.

YANBU at all. I would have been highly fucked off if someone stole my thunder on my wedding day.

I do think it's attention seeking.

When people did it at our wedding, they definetly did NOT do it privately ...

They interrupted the wedding breakfast to do it. So rude.

my brother did that < he was very drunk> but i didn't think anyone actually planned it.

Yanbu it yours and STBH day and nobody should make it about them. If she was still going ahead with the plan then i would deinvite her

ok you said she is planning to propose "in your wedding" so if you mean on your wedding day in the middle of ceremoney or reception and announce it then you are NBU.

however my friend got engaged in malta at her friends wedding. they took advantage of the beautiful setting. not sure if it was couple days before or after (they were there for a week) but they didnt do it on the day nor announced they were engaged on the day so as not to steal the couple's thunder. i think thats ok.

There are 365 days in a year - you are making (and paying for) 1 of them special for you, your dp and your families - let her pick a different one the selfish moo!!!!!

I disagree with the majority here, I think it's a lovely idea, and I'd be really happy if a friend did this at my wedding. It would add to the romance of the occasion without diminishing the specialness of my day.

Bloody rude and selfish, stealing thunder too.

YANBU OP

It's just attention-seeking if you ask me.

YANBU.

you're wedding is you're day!! that person has 364 more days to plan a romantic proposal.

YANBU at all. Your wedding sounds lovely.

My DH did propose on the way to a wedding, taking advantage of the scenery and a place that was special to the both of us. His reasons for doing it were that I would not expect it and I didn't! However we kept stum throughout the wedding and I had to leave my ring in the hotel room. At weddings, people always ask when you'll be getting married, so it was nice to secretly know we would be, while doing the "not sure" thing.

Would never have announced it or made a big show of doing it at the ceremony/meal, that sounds awful x

YANBU.

girlwitha trust me. It really does not add anything special to your wedding day at all.

It was a very cheap skate to do IMO .

We got married abroad, and they toasted their proposal with wine , food and a beautiful setting that we had paid for...

What if NO is the answer could be awkward.

Stealing Thunder is never a good idea!
Tell her to watch

and

Then ask her if she thinks she is Rachel?!

Seriously though, a wedding day is about the bride and groom, not the guests using it as a cheap way to propose. It is using all your hard work (and expense) to set a romantic scene.
YANBU!

I think that is really tacky and not romantic at all would they be doing it in front of YOUR guests or somewhere else ? doesn't matter really i think i would be really miffed tbh YANBU

My SIL wore her own wedding dress to my wedding. She was 7 months pregnant at the time and said that nothing else fitted her.

I didn't really notice or mind at the time - although it does look like a double wedding in the photos.

But, I do think it's tacky/selfish for someone else to plan to propose on your wedding.

I was at a wedding yesterday and a guest had the exact same colour on as the bridesmaids isnt that a huge no no , I know the woman had asked the bridal colours a few months ago , i thought it was so she didn't clash ,

No, no, no!

I was at a wedding where someone proposed over the microphone during the wedding dinner. Half the guests were open-mouthed with horror at such a public upstaging, and the other half were instantly distracted from the bride and groom and onto the newly-engaged couple.

The bride put a smile on about it but was incredibly hurt. It turned out that the guy's fiancee had been nagging him all day to do it so he gave in after a few drinks.

They never actually got married!

thebetachimp how bizarre that at 7 months pregnant the only thing she had to fit was a wedding dress!!!

And OP YADNBU. Tell her to bugger off and stop planning a hijack.

Mushroomsoup - SIL isn't English, so wedding dress was cut in such a way that it fitted quite nicely over bump.

WOW nannyplum some people are so desperate for a bit of limelight eh

I personally would be pleased and flattered if two close friends got engaged at my wedding, but if you don't like the idea then fair enough, and your alternative suggestion is lovely. Also, planning a proposal 6 months in advance is just plain weird.

I didn't announce my pregnancy at my good friend's wedding, I was desperate to tell but it would have been totally attention-seeking and taken the limelight of the bride and groom. Tell her to do what I did, wait for the next day, when everyone is relaxing and can enjoy a weekend of good news, not someone piggy-backing on your big day.