To call immigration about my visitors?

[Migsy1]

I feel terrible about this and I don't know if I am being harsh or whether I should follow my instincts and get away from this situation.

I was involved in a school exchange in Spain a couple of years ago. I decided to go back there at the beginning of this month for a holiday with my 3 children. The holiday was arranged by me and a couple of days before I went I contacted a family that I had been paired with on my original visit to say that we were coming over and it might be nice to meet up sometime if they were going to be available.

The woman in the family, who is originally from South America, invited us over for lots of meals which I felt very uncomfortable about as I really wanted some space with my kids. It felt overbearing but I did not wish to offend and I realise that the Spanish culture if different to mine. I visited their home for dinner more than I wanted to to initially but at first I thought the woman was being altruistic and kind.
I told her that her son was welcome to visit us for a week in the summer to improve his English.

As the week progressed I found out that the family was having difficulty finding work and want to emigrate to the UK. The woman asked could she and her son could come over for a week at the end of this month to stay with me to see what the UK is like. I reluctantly agreed and she booked the flights before I could email her to put her off. She is due to arrive next week and has made it clear that she is bringing her CV and wants me to help her find work and possibly accommodation. She also wants to use my address to demonstrate to border control that she is only coming here to visit friends.

She has no entitlement to live or work in the UK. I feel that her hospitality in Spain was used to take advantage of me so that I could be a portal for her to enter the UK illegally. I am worried that she might try to stay longer in my home than the agreed week, especially if she cannot find accommodation. Her non-English speaking husband and his South American friend actually suggested that they live in my house and refurbish it in return whilst they look for building work in the UK!

Am I right to be freaked out by this? Do you think I should just call immigration and tell them of her true intentions so that they are not let into the country? I am worried that I am being dragged into something complicated, that as a single mum with 3 kids, I can well do without. I am seriously stressed by this!

if she's not a EU citizen, in order to get a tourist visa, she would need a letter from you inviting her to your house. This would have to indicate the length of the stay, etc. I have a EU friend married to a Nepalese guy and he has been repeatedly denied the tourist visa to come to London, even though she's a EU citizen.

I would be concerned that once that letter has been issued by you, you might be considered responsible if she over stays.

She will have the right to stay in the UK for up to 6 months as long as she can prove that she has enough funds to support herself and any dependents. She will not have the right to work (legally). If her ability to read English is good enough then maybe send her a link to the UKBA website so that she can read for herself the facts before she plans her trip. Am assuming that her child is in full-time education in Spain?

So, she's Argentinian and therefore highly likely to have Italian or Spanish ancestors, which would entitle her to Spanish or Italian nationality. The child would be on school holidays right now (they start mid June in Spain), so she could come over with him, try to find work and if she's lucky, stay here and put him into school in UK. So far, nothing illegal, providing she has a EU passport.

Have you asked her straight what passport she holds?

In any case, if you are not comfortable having them in your house, just make an excuse, apologize and send them a list a hostels, B&Bs, etc. After that, stop communication. You should have mislead her, but right now, severing contact might be your only option.

I agree about taking responsibility. You contacted her, you went into her house. While it was her giving and you taking it was convenient to think it's a cultural thing and kind of natural. Now she's expecting hospitality she's suddenly a potential criminal.

Walk away from this now. Refuse her and learn from it. Nobody owes you anything, there's always payback of sorts.

She has told me that neither her son, husband or herself have an EU Passport. She has to apply every 2 years or so to stay in Spain and there is always a chance that it might not be renewed. It has occurred to me that as she no longer has regular work, she might not be entitled to stay.

Of course I feel responsible for this situation. However, I should re-iterate that a lot of the details have come out after I agreed that she could stay.

Okay, so the overwhelming advice on this thread is to email and say 'no - not possible to stay'. So what are you going to do? The more you dither over this, the worse it is becoming.

Just do it and move on.

And of course jaqueline would be very happy for this to happen in her life and then the dh and a 'friend' say they will lob along. Ohh really.

To me this is not about immigration but rather the op hasou a connection via her son with lady and this lady's expectations exceeds what op can offer.

OP you are not in trouble - if this lady were to visit it would be normal for her to give her your address as her residence for the duration of her return ticket. This is normal. You might have been exptecting her just to sit there for the holiday. She wants to find a job and the dh and the 'friend' are hoping to lob along tooo.

This does not suit you on any level as it was a) not what you were expecting b) you are away for part of this.

It's a non runner. The religious bit is a non runner. You feel you are being pushed - so push back and stop the coming to you.

I don't for a milisecond feel you've led her on but now you're so worried about her religion (probably catholic) and her intentions (finding a job - just like the majority of the world) - forget that - she wants to impose on you in your time and possibly bring her crew along - you are busy and won't want to leave perfect strangers in your house one night.

It's no bigger than that - just don't let it happen,

Thanks giveitago The religious thing is an additional crazy irritation. Actually, I am a Catholic (non practicing) Her religion is Christian (like mine) but all I can say is that Catholicism is moderate by comparison to this particular "sect"! I am respectful of other faiths but I find it very disconcerting that she is trying to convert me. I can ignore that element to be honest. As you say, she is expecting a lot more than my original offer of hosting her son for a week in the summer holidays.

Sleepyfergus You are right, I should stop dithering!

Can you book a friend into stay with you the week after she comes so she is clear she can only stay the allocated time (it can be an imaginary friend)...

Yanbu to be alarmed, I would make it clear that she can no longer stay with you BEFORE she leaves Spain, that way if she's legit she can stay in a hotel or b&b, if she's not legit then you won't be involved...

Is she Opus Dei? Oh dear...

Ophelia She is not Opus Dei. She is some kind of Pentecostal Christian who converted from Catholicism. I have no problems with Christianity, but some of the things she does are, frankly, weird. I don't really want to describe it in case it offends anyone on here. Everyone is entitled to their faith but I find it very unnerving when people think that as a Catholic I am not a true Christian and I need to accept Jesus. That is probably a topic for another thread .

I think discussing it on here has made me realise that

1. She can stay in my home on MY terms
2. Under no circumstances will I allow her to stay beyond the week
3. If immigration ask me anything (which I doubt they will) I will not hide any facts

I think I have got my knickers in a twist about this. I believe she is taking advantage of me for sure. I do not believe she will be able to work legally in this country but I do not know if she knows that. She is either very stupid or very cunning. I am alert and suspicious. There is another family who have offered to help me out with this. Any sniff of trying to stay or bringing others with her and I will deal with it then.

I will not engage with her search for work, and neither will I engage in any conversations about God.

Make it clear that she is welcome to stay for a few nights but you will not be helping her find any work as that would be illegal (if indeed it is)

Why are you letting her stay in your home? I think that is sending a mixed message to her and you are doing yourself no favours by doing this. I think with someone who you fear has mental problems as well as being a fundamentalist Christian, for your safety the last thing you should be doing is letting this person into your home. How do you know how she will react if for whatever reason you want her to leave half way through and she refuses. What if she gets aggressive or she makes a copy of your key?

As far as I understand it, someone in your 'friend's' circumstances would need a letter of introduction, and not merely an address to show border control (even for a holiday). Such letters usually have to include a clear statement you take responsibility for them while they are in the country and will seek to ensure they leave the country when scheduled.
So if you get a call from border control about this family, make sure you do not vouch for them.

Seriously??!! After everything people have said, you're going to let them stay, despite your suspicions and worries, knowing that they already put you in a vulnerable position where you felt you couldn't say no?

I am really confused. I don't know if I am making too much of this. Some people here think I am making a mountain out of a molehill and I need to take responsibility for my actions. Perhaps she is not intending to do anything illegal. Perhaps she is. I will talk to the other family here who know her.

I will definitely not vouch for her at immigration - I will tell the truth.
I feel that I have got into this situation by not being assertive enough and now I have to follow it through.
sleepyfergus you are right, she did put me in a difficult situation. There is a division in my mind - Is living in the UK just a fantasy of hers and she is just a deluded innocent or does she intend to work here illegally and she is a manipulative woman?

She must know about immigration given her past. Arrgh - I need to sort this out PDQ.

Your mad to even consider this
In fact she and her DS will be left in your house overnight alone while you go for your interview.
Absolutely nuts.
No is a complete sentence.
Just use it and stop dithering or l think you will have bitten off a whole lot of grief

Okay, it's true you got into this by not being assertive enough, but the answer to that problem is not to shy away from being assertive now.

No doubt, if she does come, it will be a weird and awkward week but not actually a disaster or harmful to you in any way. It would probably be fine. BUT if you aren't comfortable with it, you don't have to do it. Maybe it would create a lot of problems for you and you don't want to take that risk. I think this thread shows a lot of people would feel the same as you.

So you should not feel bad about telling her she can't stay with you. It happens.

I had a looky at UKBA, as an Argentinian she does not need a tourist visa in advance, but would have to bring enough evidence with her so that she can convince border control that her visit is lawful and she will return home.

There's also this, which I hope reassures you:

Q: I am visiting someone in the UK. Can they give a guarantee for me?

A: The person who is 'sponsoring' your visit cannot give a guarantee that you will comply with the terms of your visa, or that you will leave the UK at the end of your visit. They can help you with your application and provide you with the relevant supporting documents listed in our guidance, but you must provide these documents to us yourself

Personally I think you are wasting too much time in this, fretting about what was said, if you are right or wrong etc etc. I said before that I smelt a rat....something doesn't stack up here, whether it's your story or hers or whatever. But you seem to be 'enjoying' being in this situation, coming across as all anxious and vulnerable. It's easy to walk away NOW. so just do it, why prolong the agony? I'm sorry, but this thread seems suspicious and I wasted enough time on this as it is.

IF you are genuine, then just say NO as most people have suggested. End Of. Good luck.

and if you are not genuine, well then......

sleepyfergus I am almost amused that you think I am an internet troll. Your suspicion re-affirms my beliefs that this is a crazy situation. I have been on MN for sometime so why would I suddenly make something up for a laugh? I have not changed my username for this purpose.

I am not enjoying this at all. However, in a morbid kind of way, I am beginning to laugh at myself for being such a fool.

Migsy - you've let her impose on you and you're worried about offending her. I don't think for a moment you are enjoying this. I don't think she's manipulating you but I think alot of stuff has got lost in translation in terms of expectation.

However - you're not comfortable so stop her coming to you. Her use of your address is solely because a non eu national will need one - in her case it won't be a hotel address but yours. It does not sound sinister but it is a huge expectation on her part and her family are not helping matters

You will be worried, miserable and you clearly don't want to continue this line of friendship in the future so stop it now. I would not let new guests stay in my house if I were not there.

You know what you have to do. It's hard but do it. If she's got a great chance of getting work in the UK she'll find it without stayint at yours.

Thanks giveitago I appreciate your understanding.