To call immigration about my visitors?

[Migsy1]

I feel terrible about this and I don't know if I am being harsh or whether I should follow my instincts and get away from this situation.

I was involved in a school exchange in Spain a couple of years ago. I decided to go back there at the beginning of this month for a holiday with my 3 children. The holiday was arranged by me and a couple of days before I went I contacted a family that I had been paired with on my original visit to say that we were coming over and it might be nice to meet up sometime if they were going to be available.

The woman in the family, who is originally from South America, invited us over for lots of meals which I felt very uncomfortable about as I really wanted some space with my kids. It felt overbearing but I did not wish to offend and I realise that the Spanish culture if different to mine. I visited their home for dinner more than I wanted to to initially but at first I thought the woman was being altruistic and kind.
I told her that her son was welcome to visit us for a week in the summer to improve his English.

As the week progressed I found out that the family was having difficulty finding work and want to emigrate to the UK. The woman asked could she and her son could come over for a week at the end of this month to stay with me to see what the UK is like. I reluctantly agreed and she booked the flights before I could email her to put her off. She is due to arrive next week and has made it clear that she is bringing her CV and wants me to help her find work and possibly accommodation. She also wants to use my address to demonstrate to border control that she is only coming here to visit friends.

She has no entitlement to live or work in the UK. I feel that her hospitality in Spain was used to take advantage of me so that I could be a portal for her to enter the UK illegally. I am worried that she might try to stay longer in my home than the agreed week, especially if she cannot find accommodation. Her non-English speaking husband and his South American friend actually suggested that they live in my house and refurbish it in return whilst they look for building work in the UK!

Am I right to be freaked out by this? Do you think I should just call immigration and tell them of her true intentions so that they are not let into the country? I am worried that I am being dragged into something complicated, that as a single mum with 3 kids, I can well do without. I am seriously stressed by this!

Look, you're clearly not happy with them staying so you need to trust your instincts. Email her and tell her it's not possible for her to stay now. Make up an excuse if it feels better, the pp idea of saying about the immigration officer sounds like a plausible excuse. Do you know what airport she's flying in to and what time? Let customs know that she's no longer able to stay with you if she gives your details. If she makes other arrangements to stay elsewhere and tells customs that, then all well and good. You need to stick to your guns though and be assertive about it. And next time someone offers to cook you lots of meals then be assertive and say no?

Hi OP, I have a south american husband so just wanted to respond to a couple of points you have made.

Firstly, it was YOU who re-established contact with her when you were visiting Spain and suggested getting together. Knowing that culture, they would have taken showing hospitality very seriously and might not realise that you just meant one or two meals. They probably were being nice.

Regarding wanting your email and address, when any family members have visited us, they have needed either hotel bookings or our contact details to prove they have somewhere to stay.

I think the posts about her wanting to abandon her son are absolutely ridiculous and incredibly insulting. Why would she be more likely to abandon her child than any of us?? He is already in a country where education etc is good free education in Spain.

However you are right that it is not legal for her to work in this country and I would tell her that in response to any conversation she makes about looking for work. It sounds like you don't want her to stay, even as a guest having a holiday so just tell her that. If she is offended then at least you will have been straight with her and not sending her mixed signals. She should have checked with you before booking her tickets (unless you said a clear yes while in Spain, in which case this is mixed signals).

But you need to make things clear to her before she leaves her country, with as much notice as possible so that she can make other arrangements.

Good post, Solola.

OP it does sound like you said yes in Spain but were then planning to cancel it when you got home. If you said yes, you can't really blame her for booking tickets.

And it does sound like you don't want her to stay even if it were just a holiday, in which case all this talk about immigration is a bit of a smokescreen.

You need to just bite the bullet and tell her no.

Say The Crown Prosecution Service and Immigration Control say it is illegal for you to come to the UK on a visitor's visa and look for work and I would be prosecuted for assisting unlawful immigration. I am sure you understand why it is not possible for you to stay in my home and I have to withdraw the invitation.

And then shut down all communication. Arrange to be out on the date of arrival or have someone else prepared to answer the door and deny all knowledge of your person, just in case!

It is definitely not just a holiday. She has told me she is looking for work. This is why I feel so put out because I feel she has manipulated me. She is not coming here to visit me at all. She is coming to visit me because I can help to enable her to carry out her plans to live in the UK.

As I said earlier, the situation became more apparent to me as time went on hence my initial agreement that she could stay.

Her son was here on a school trip only 6 weeks ago. There is no need to return for a holiday so soon.

OP - what nationality are they? They may need a visa to come to the UK at all, and if you have concerns that they are actually seeking to work you can inform the UK Border Agency about your doubts, which will be taken into account when the visa application is considered. If so, you need to get a wriggle on, so that the letter gets to the right place in time.

But... This is a serious allegation (potential criminal activity) and you need to be really sure that you aren't 2+2 and making 10.

It would be much much better just to email and say that you regret that you aren't able to put them up after all, surely?

Families They are South American.

She has told me she is looking for work. I don't know if she is aware that she will not be allowed to work legally. However, given that she has worked in the States and EU I am sure she must have plenty of knowledge about immigration issues.

It is just the more I think about it, the more concerned I am. It did not all hit me at first.

all sounds too scarey to me...too many unknowns and therefore major doubts and fears
I'm a single parent and I couldn't ever have strangers staying in my home...

Do you have a male friend or bro that could be there and stay?...assist you in being strong and to the point should anything need sorting out.
You could get a friend to answer the door when they arrive and say you don't live there...have moved or they have never heard of you or something
I'd be avoiding the whole thing any way I could I think...esp if her men folk might be tagging along...coming to do home renovations to pay for their stay....dubiously sounds like they are already planning to stay awhile to me....
AVOID...AVOID...AVOID

...then tell her she can't stay with you !! Why the hand-wringing?

Just email and say you are unable to accommodate her after all. Don't offer any reason and don't go inventing any bollocks about family emergencies.

Easy peasy.

There's a list of the nationalities who need a visa to come to the UK, even for a visit, here. so if they are Colombian, they will need to get visas, but if they are Brazilian, for example, they don't.

It's not illegal to look for work here, provided they go home and apply for the proper visas from Spain (in their case) before starting work.

Could you revert to the original plan of having just their son over, maybe for a few days?

Thanks everybody for your advice. It is a crazy situation but getting people's opinions has been very useful to clarify my thoughts.
Firstly, I should have not been so naive in the first place. However, given that I was sucked into a situation I truly believe that I have been manipulated. I do not wish to be part of an illegal immigration attempt and I do not wish to have this crazy person in my home. I feel hugely vulnerable and I have a lot on at the moment. I cannot focus on what I need to as a result of my worry.
She has been unfair by expecting so much of me and I think I must stop this now. I dare not tell my family because they will go mad. I will email her and tell her she can no longer stay with me. I am worried that she will impose herself on another family that her son stayed with a few weeks ago but if I warn them they can make their own excuses.
I feel so f**king stupid it is unreal.

If the address was that important to immigration, they would phone you and not just go on her word.
As families said the actual nationality does matter.

Families Their son is lovely. I would have no problems with him coming over but the mother cannot take any hints and needs to be told things outright. I am sorry for him as he has made friends with my kids and others at the school. The lesson I have learnt here is that if I give an inch she will take a mile so it is probably best if I terminate contact. Which is sad in a way given the exchange relationship that developed between the children.

OP - she doesn't sound mentally unstable but rather just using any contact she has to further her aim of finding a job. But she's probably being amitious and she wouldn't find a job in a week anyhow.

The relgious aspect - well I remember clearly one new year's eve the middle aged sister of one of my mum's friends (south american) decorating our home with bright orange spots and rubbing me with a raw egg! She hoped I'd convert to her religion (she was catholic) but it her country style. Don't worry too much about that. She was trying to be nice and this whole ritual (that also involved and entire bottle of my only perfume) was only to bring us good luck. She wasn't mad - just trying to be helpful. We still have some orange spots dotted around the place.

But pull this back to basics - it appears you feel this lady is pushing her luck. Her dh and his friend seem to want to get in on the act. It's probably all moving way too fast for you as you don't really know them.

Your time, your property and the fact that you won't be there for at least 24 hours of their stay means it's an inconvenient time,.

Say no - you'll feel better but the relationship will probably be over.

As a one time immigrant could I just clarify that it is not illegal to look for work on a visitor's visa but it is illegal to take up paid employment on one. If your friend did manage to find a job in a week with employers who would be willing to sort her out a work permit (highly highly unlikely IMO) then she would wait until that was done before starting work. I do think all this talk of immigration and illegality at this point is a bit of a red herring. It's really neither here nor there just now.

OP I think your main issue is that you are feeling used because you've been told one thing when she seems to have had something else in mind entirely. The fact is, illegal or not, this is not a good week for you to have houseguests. You need to tell her that. If you are worried about seeming ungracious and you can bear it, you can suggest that her son comes in the summer as per the original agreement. Anything else she suggests, you are free to say it's not convenient for you.

But please do put her off before she leaves Spain!

You told her she could come and stay with you.

She booked the tickets.

Now you feel you have been duped.

All this drip, drip drip of information annoys me, why didn't you tell us she was mentally unstable and part of a cult in your first post?

If what you say is all correct and you haven't miss judged it all then I'm sorry but you sound like an utter fool for agreeing to anything in the first place.

If you don't want someone staying with you cancel the visit. Do not sit here wringing your hands about what illegal horrors may occur if you didn't and how sorry you feel for the children in all this.

Bloody hell the words mountain and mole hill come to mind.

I won't report her to immigration. I was having a major panic but now I am getting my head around it.

OP - 'south American' is not a nationality. The migration legislation in the UK is complex and it is impossible to say from the information you have posted what her legal status would be in the UK on arrival and, say, 3 months into her stay.

Anyway, this is not an issue you need to worry about. If you want to host her for a brief stay in your house then do so, if you don't then make that clear to her.

She is Argentinian.

I feel less panicked about it now. She is coming to look for work. The religious thing is an aside - it just annoys me. The main point is that I think that I am being taken advantage of. I'll just have to stick to my guns.

If you are really worried, which you seem to be, then contact her and tell her that while you would love to see on her visit, you've had some kind of problem at home (roof leaked, elderly aunt staying, just make something up) and so she'll have to use a hotel. Find a cheap-ish one vaguely nearby if possible and recommend that, advising of rates and location. But don't book it for her, give her their contact details.

Don't let Anyone into your home if you are not comfortable with the situation.
They may well already have the right to stay and work in the UK, but not to move into your home.

What solola and jaqueline said.

There is a lot of hysteria and supposition on this thread.

Why would she not book tickets if you'd agreed?

Why would she not give immigration your address if that is the address she would be staying at?

Suddenly she's a criminal mastermind planning to squat your house and abandon her son. Get a grip ffs, tell her no if you don't want her after all, but take some responsibility for your part in all this.