To call immigration about my visitors?

[Migsy1]

I feel terrible about this and I don't know if I am being harsh or whether I should follow my instincts and get away from this situation.

I was involved in a school exchange in Spain a couple of years ago. I decided to go back there at the beginning of this month for a holiday with my 3 children. The holiday was arranged by me and a couple of days before I went I contacted a family that I had been paired with on my original visit to say that we were coming over and it might be nice to meet up sometime if they were going to be available.

The woman in the family, who is originally from South America, invited us over for lots of meals which I felt very uncomfortable about as I really wanted some space with my kids. It felt overbearing but I did not wish to offend and I realise that the Spanish culture if different to mine. I visited their home for dinner more than I wanted to to initially but at first I thought the woman was being altruistic and kind.
I told her that her son was welcome to visit us for a week in the summer to improve his English.

As the week progressed I found out that the family was having difficulty finding work and want to emigrate to the UK. The woman asked could she and her son could come over for a week at the end of this month to stay with me to see what the UK is like. I reluctantly agreed and she booked the flights before I could email her to put her off. She is due to arrive next week and has made it clear that she is bringing her CV and wants me to help her find work and possibly accommodation. She also wants to use my address to demonstrate to border control that she is only coming here to visit friends.

She has no entitlement to live or work in the UK. I feel that her hospitality in Spain was used to take advantage of me so that I could be a portal for her to enter the UK illegally. I am worried that she might try to stay longer in my home than the agreed week, especially if she cannot find accommodation. Her non-English speaking husband and his South American friend actually suggested that they live in my house and refurbish it in return whilst they look for building work in the UK!

Am I right to be freaked out by this? Do you think I should just call immigration and tell them of her true intentions so that they are not let into the country? I am worried that I am being dragged into something complicated, that as a single mum with 3 kids, I can well do without. I am seriously stressed by this!

Oh FGS, OP - just email them to say that something has come up and that it's no longer convenient to stay. Short, simple email and leave it at that. It sounds way too complicated to continue and is obviously making you feel uncomfortable already - it will potentially be a nightmare can of worms if you let it continue. I think in this case you have to be cruel to be kind.

Why are all the responses so flipping complicated? Just tell her she can no longer stay with you. Dont make anything up, dont spend time looking into the rights of foreign nationals to stay and work in the UK, and most of all dont let what is essentially a family of complete strangers stay in your house.

Sorry, took too long to post on my phone. Exactly what Hectate said. Email that and walk away.

If he was left here now, there is a possibility that he would have his education through to university level paid for.

I have handled two cases were this has happened. I know that it happens a lot more in London LA's.

If they moan that they have got their tickets, send them a link to a travelodge or a cheap B & B.

Why are you actually engaging in conversation about this??

Your next email should read:
"I am deeply concerned and worried by the legal situation and am not comfortable with you staying with me for various reason. Please do not contact me again"

Thats it. Don't ask questions about the situation, or ask for clarification. Don't reply if you get any more emails. If she turns up on your doorstep, don't let her in. After all you've made it perfectly clear they are not welcome and they are not your responsibility. If you engage in conversation, the likelihood of getting a straight and honest answer if she is doing something dodgy is minimal anyway - all you are doing is let her persuade you to let her stay. It just means that you are opening yourself up to being a sucker and getting yourself into trouble.

The more you engage the more you are getting entangled with it. Just end it. Cold, short and sharp but to the point and clear.

There is no debate about this, so don't allow there to be one. You aren't happy. You don't trust her. You don't owe them anything. YOU are allowing yourself to get emotionally sucked in and YOU are allowing her to make you feel guilty about this. Be tough.

Love that wheezo! Wonderful

From what you're saying I'd be more worried that she's moving her entire family into your home - they are setting the condition ie WE ARE COMING TO STAY WITH YOU - YOU MUST LET US BECAUSE WE ARE TELLING YOU HOW WE WILL HELP YOU WHETHER YOU WANT THIS HELP OR NOT. WE ARE SETTING THE CONDITIONS AND WE'VE ALREADY CHANGED THE CONDITIONS AND ONCE WE'RE IN YOUR HOME WE'LL BE IN A BETTER PLACE TO CHANGE THE CONDITIONS.

I'd be more worried about getting them out of your place rather than anything else. All very laden.

Also what was a visit by the son is now by both parents and a friend.

Strangers in your home - not great. Worried for you - not immigration.

She won't find work in a week. She's coming from nothing. If she's that employable she would find work in UK by applying from Spain.

Feel for her but the presence of this other friend makes it sound like she's got monkeys on her back and she's going to be putting them on yours.

Say NO - it's a horrible thing to do but not as horrible as hosting a load of people that you have not invited on their terms.

But the generosity and meals stuff - all common stuff for non europeans really. Not particularly some ruse to get you into their net. They probably think you are really up for all this.

Best of luck - I wouldn't be in your position.

Just cancel their stay.

There is no way you can let them stay in your house while you're away. If they were dodgy, and I'm not saying they are, but if they were they could change the locks and squat and it could be a nightmare getting them out.

I agree on not making any complicated stories with next door neighbours and everything. I would personally just say there is a family emergency (leaving it vague) and unfortunately you cannot have any visitors for the foreseeable.

Like others have said, so what if she hates you after? That would be unreasonable on her part people do have family emergencies and anyway you don't ever have to see her again.

OP are they going to be giving your name and address to immigration at border control? I don't think I would be comfortable with that given there is a real risk they intend to overstay.

I'm afraid I would consider a phone call to immigration because I wouldn't want someone using my name.

I'd be freaked out - it doesn't seem like you know them all too well?

Have they booked return flights - in your post it sounds like they're coming on a one way ticket, staying with you until they find a place and then moving into that place?!

If they have booked return tickets make sure they leave by the end of the week and wish them well if they decide to move here but don't involve yourself any further. You're already doing them a favour by letting them stay for a week which more that repays the hospitality they offered you in Spain. Be kind and helpful if you can but don't let them take advantage.

Even if they do provide the OPs name, what will immigration do - give the OP a ring. Then the OP says 'no - I told them I wasn't able to put them up, they are not welcome' and the ball is back in immigrations court.

My knowledge is from 'Airport' documentary on Heathrow though!

Tell her no.

yes the squatting thing could happen. would you want her in your house whilst you went out. you don't know her that well. say no i think. sounds very dodgy to me.

also if you have no partner at present, the men may be quite intimidating. you cannot police this women all the time so say you went out and they suddenly appeared.

you sound really nice OP. do you need this hassle.

it is enough aggro having an exchange student for a week (just gone today) let alone an adult, and family who may appear

Seconding those advising a simple , non negociable no , along the lines of what Hectate said.

A few seconds discomfort sending it and then you can breathe a sigh of relief

Thanks for all the advice. Just to clarify; it is only her and her son that are coming. The husband and his friend just made the suggestion about them living in the house for free whilst they do it up. It is just the fact that they even suggested it that makes me uneasy - it shows how their minds are working and explains why the family seem to be latching on to me. There is no way on earth I would allow 2 men stay in my house under those circumstances.

She has a return flight booked but I know that if she didn't she would not be allowed entry into the country as she is not an EU citizen and she will be asked to show return tickets at immigration.

I just do not want the hassle and complications of this. I am concerned that even if I gave her the details of a Travel Lodge she would still bother me, i.e., turn up on the doorstep, etc. But, yes, that would be better than have her stay with me.

I'm concerned about her mental health because it all seems crazy and she told me that she cries a lot. She is also a member of an extreme religious group and talks incessantly about it trying to get me into it too (no chance there but I feel very uncomfortable with her talking about it). She is rather manic. I just can't face it.

I'm still awaiting a reply from her and whatever she says will determine the course of action I take.

I do feel mean and selfish but she used a lot of emotional manipulation on me (i.e., I am cooking all these meals for you because I know you are a good person and would do the same for me; I am praying for you etc.) and she booked the flights before I could really get a grip of it.

Basically, whilst you might think I am bonkers getting involved in this, I am not sure of her sanity.

OP - more drip feeding of info. So now she's mentally unstable and perhaps involved in a cult. Are you seriously for real???

Walk away now. Just say NO and IGNORE any further contact. It's really not that hard. You've been getting some sound advice on here, but I fear your either taking the piss or just being plain stupid.

Buying a return ticket means diddily squat. So what, they just don't end up using it! I really cannot comprehend that you are being so naive over all of this. I smell a rat...

I also can't believe that you are even getting into negotiations with them about this, and emailing questions for clarification etc.

DON'T LET THEM OVER THE BLOODY THRESHHOLD!!!

I would be very uncomfortable, never mind the immigration situation, but also having the husband and a total stranger all staying in your house when it is just you and the 3 children. No thanks!

I completely agree with others; just email that it has turned into a much bigger thing than you originally agreed too and you are not comfortable with it or the looking for work situation, as , having done some research, you doubt the legality of it and do not want to be involved.Sorry for the inconvenience and then wish them well in their job search, and completely detach from it; no sending of links to B&B's etc. or Immigration websites, just detach completely! Good luck!

I know buying a return ticket means nothing - that is the point I was making.

I'm serious this is true. The reason I did not mention the religious thing earlier is because it sounds so outlandish.

This is why I am panicking and think a call to immigration might be the safest way to avoid her. At least she definitely won't be able to get to me then.

Tell her to get some members of her religion to put her up!

The reason I am posting here is because it is real and it is so mad that I can't bear to talk about it to people I know in real life.

I definitely think it would be more humane to just say No in the first place, rather than pretending she is welcome and then turning her in.
If you say No and they still show up at your door uninvited, maybe then threaten to call Immigration if any trouble. But don't let them fly over with the full intention of turning them in, that is just insane, I'm sorry!