to move my child to another school because of PJ wearing parents and other things.....

[fiftieslover]

Hi there, your views would be appreciated.

My ds is currently in yr 3 (8 yrs old) he is in a mixed class of years 3 and 4. Since Christmas I have had really serious doubts about the school he is in.

He has asked to move schools a couple of times in the past 6 months and I am seriously considering it. BUT I know at 8 this is a massive change for him. He is a social little boy who makes friends easily and can articulate his thoughts really well. The issues I have with the school are as follows.

1. Parents dropping their children off still wearing their PJs. I not talking lounge wear here, I'm talking fullish sheep adorned pink things. I turn up at school dressed for work, smart and ready for the day.

1. Leading on from 1 is the reason for the PJ wearing. There is a very high number of unemployed parents in the school. I live in a nice part of not a very nice area IYKWIM. Unemployment has always been a problem. I have lived in this area for over 30 years and alot of the children in ds class are 4th and 5th generation unemployed. So I assume the pj wearing is because they have nothing to get ready for? I need to add that sometimes the children are picked up from school at 3pm with said parents still adorning the sheep attire.

I have never been unemployed so struggle to empathise really with the other parents. I work in recruitment and know there are always things you can do to improve your chances but I have never been there so know I dont fully understand the effect unemployment has on you.

1. There are ALOT of kids in the class that are morphing into absolute horrors. The behaviour is getting worse as each school year passes. Once lovely little 4 year olds are now 8 year old swearing, disrespectful kids. My ds went over to one of them the other day to show him his homework. The other kid looked at my ds as if he were stupid and said I dont do homework - I wouldnt dare!.

1. I'm aware this is getting long so going to cut it short. The teachers appear to spend alot of time on discipline - taking actual teaching time away from the good kids.

1. In the past out of 26 kids, there are approximately 8 that behave really well. If the other 18 are playing up, the whole class has been punished. This really annoyed me.

I could go on and I think I have answered my own question seeing it in black and white but would still appreciate your comments.

Thanks fifties x

Nancy what other parents wear won't affet your life

You are VERY naive if you think that....as someone else said, wearing PJs all day and in public is an attitude...a way of show the world you're not bothered. Being with DC whose parents have that attitude will of course affect the OPS son....it will come out in their life expectations and their manners and their behaviour.

wouldnt happen down south??

I think you would find it does... every morning on our road there are mothers shuffling past our house in their fluffy pj's taking their kids to the primary round the corner, at lunchtime many of them are trotting up and down the road again, still in the same pj's and the same at 3.15..

I regularly see women in pj's and onesies in the supermarket too.

Apologies if this has been said but why on earth did you send him to the school?
Did you not look around first? Did you not ever drive past it and see hordes of sheep pajama wearing parents? Did you not know you were sending your dc to a school where everyone but you, it seems, has been unemployed for 5 generations?

I just don't get it. If you are so proud of the fact that you are the only one who works (quite how you know that is questionable) and all the other parents are beneath you, why is the child there?

I understand if you are concerned with the standard of education and discipline but I truly don't understand why your dc is at the school in the first place.

Oh and I dropped my Dc to school in pjs last week because my DH was held up. I have a job, a full time, managerial job.

I bet if you saw me, you would assume I was 4th generation unemployed.

I'd have moved ages ago. We moved far away from my husband's native cities because we couldn't get our children into a decent school there. People do it all the time.

I have never seen this in Hants, must say (posh county?)

tantrums

I never said hordes, I said parents.

I also never said I'm the only one who works. I said there is a very high number of UE.

Please do not twist words to suit your reply.

Your own son is unhappy. He's telling you so. Move him, if you can. The only person you have to account for your parenting decisions to is him. Who cares what the bleeding heart liberals of mn think? Really?

This happens down south as well.

I don't understand the whole pj wearing in the day thing - I think its bloody sad tbh.

OP I would move your son because of the discipline issues and the fact your son wants to move - I think it's really unusual for a young child to want to actively change school, so that says a lot to me. I would try and move him if I were you.

Ok fifties but clearly it's more than one if you feel do strongly about it?

I still don't understand why you chose the school in the first place?

FWIW I would not have my DCs at a school where there is a discipline and learning issue.
However by mentioning the fact there are parents in pajamas and making a big thing of how you work whilst the rest are 5th generation unemployed makes you sound as if you think the school and parents are beneath you.

Which begs the question, why are you there?

Thanks for the constructive responses. club I just had some doubts as to if a move would really knock him sideways (I never moved schools).

The pros as I see it now outweigh the cons. Its good to hear other children have moved with no long lasting problems though.

Its my first IABU post

even AIBU

Sounds similar to my local school. Move your son if he's not happy.

yes cos i heard scummyness rubs off on children your son may end up unemplyed with a pj wearing wife but if you are really are unhappy about his school change it but who says the behaviour is going to be anybetter in his next school ,

I went to five primary schools. Not a problem. Has actually given me a lot of confidence.

You don't like the school, and your DS is so miserable he wants to move and has said so consistently for 6 months.

No brainer. The pyjamas are irrelevant.

I wouldn't care much about what parents wore to take their children to school. But I would care about really bad behaviour. And if your son has asked to move then you should look round at other schools.

I live in an area of social deprivation, high levels of unemployment & crime, disgusting behaviour from local children - I mean disgusting.

I don't understand why some people refuse to believe such places & societies exsist, and that if you don't like it or want better for your children you are "snobby"

I'd desperately love to move dd to a different school (and all of us to a different area if truth be told), but sadly it isn't an option for us. If it is an option for you OP, then I would say go for it.

But if it is a "scummy" area, aren't all the schools going to have the same "type" of parents and children's.

I don't think the op is being unreasonable and personally I would move my child if I had a better alternative. It wouldn't be the pjs that bother me but if I thought there was a general lack of long term aspiration this would concern me. Not sure how you can know this though apart from high number of unemployed parents.

Tantrums- yet, that's right. No good moving to a school down the road if it's still the same area - same problems.

He's 8. He's social. He has asked to change schools. You're unhappy. Move him.

I think if it's the area rather than the school, the op is going to struggle to find a school that is not populated by the same type of parents.

PJ's have been banned at our school, if a parent is seen wearing them they are banned from the school grounds and another person must collect the child / drop them off. Or the child will go in to afterschool club until they return more appropriately dressed, and the parents will have to foot the bill at £5 an hour).
Does that make our school posh?
No, it doesn't. It means that our school, which incidentally is in the middle of a council estate, where most of the parents I have met do not work (me included now unfortunately ) believes in having standards. It gives the parents a reason to get dressed, they have to!

If you are concerned about the behaviour issues, take your issues up with the head/ governers. It is possible that they have not got good practices in place that could easily tackle the problems if they are alerted to the issues.

If your son is not happy you need to do what is right for him.

tantrums I do not think any parents are beneath me, again I have never said that.

My ds is in the school because we visited the foundation stage, met the teachers etc. Some parents have always worn PJs - ok if you're comfortable why not. Its the decline in behaviour as the children have progressed through the school, the lack of respect from the children to other adults. I asked a child to please stop swearing in the line to go in(she was in front of ds). She said "no my mum lets me swear".

The kids are only allowed water in their bottles for the school day. A little boy came out of class, his dad was waiting for him. Little boy says "dad you put juice in my bottle toady, Mrs Wood said we are only allowed water" dad replied "tell her to fuck off". Some of the other parents waiting laughed......I was mortified. I complained, I dont want my child hearing this. I was told by the head nothing can be said because it was after 3pm.

The teachers are lovely and do their best. The school has really good resources and facilities. But I just think the attitudes of some of the other kids and parents are horrible and ds is at an age now where he is not sure if its cool or naughty.