to move my child to another school because of PJ wearing parents and other things.....

[fiftieslover]

Hi there, your views would be appreciated.

My ds is currently in yr 3 (8 yrs old) he is in a mixed class of years 3 and 4. Since Christmas I have had really serious doubts about the school he is in.

He has asked to move schools a couple of times in the past 6 months and I am seriously considering it. BUT I know at 8 this is a massive change for him. He is a social little boy who makes friends easily and can articulate his thoughts really well. The issues I have with the school are as follows.

1. Parents dropping their children off still wearing their PJs. I not talking lounge wear here, I'm talking fullish sheep adorned pink things. I turn up at school dressed for work, smart and ready for the day.

1. Leading on from 1 is the reason for the PJ wearing. There is a very high number of unemployed parents in the school. I live in a nice part of not a very nice area IYKWIM. Unemployment has always been a problem. I have lived in this area for over 30 years and alot of the children in ds class are 4th and 5th generation unemployed. So I assume the pj wearing is because they have nothing to get ready for? I need to add that sometimes the children are picked up from school at 3pm with said parents still adorning the sheep attire.

I have never been unemployed so struggle to empathise really with the other parents. I work in recruitment and know there are always things you can do to improve your chances but I have never been there so know I dont fully understand the effect unemployment has on you.

1. There are ALOT of kids in the class that are morphing into absolute horrors. The behaviour is getting worse as each school year passes. Once lovely little 4 year olds are now 8 year old swearing, disrespectful kids. My ds went over to one of them the other day to show him his homework. The other kid looked at my ds as if he were stupid and said I dont do homework - I wouldnt dare!.

1. I'm aware this is getting long so going to cut it short. The teachers appear to spend alot of time on discipline - taking actual teaching time away from the good kids.

1. In the past out of 26 kids, there are approximately 8 that behave really well. If the other 18 are playing up, the whole class has been punished. This really annoyed me.

I could go on and I think I have answered my own question seeing it in black and white but would still appreciate your comments.

Thanks fifties x

Just go for it. Ignore the stupid comments here about "snobbery" and do what's best for your son.

Just think, he could be starting nice new school in September.

As another aside, I know what a difficult decision it can be to change schools -we all dithered for ages about what to do about dsd, but in the end, once we saw how much better things were, we all wondered what had taken us so long.

DS will be changing schools this September at the end of Y1 for different reasons.

As opposed to the latest Boden?

Yes, it is snobby but it's also true. Sorry but there we are; I am aware that everyone in these areas is not scum or feckless, lazy, feral etc - but they're not all saints and martyrs either and I wouldn't want my child attending that school.

Op, if it helps, I was that girl - from a nice part of a poor town, I didn't have a strong accent, both my parents worked and I read books and I was absolutely crucified for it all the way through school to the extent that when I started secondary school in year 7 I started self harming by pulling out my hair and pinching my skin until it bled because my nerves were just permanently on edge. I changed schools in year9 but it was too late: other kids were in their social groups and while I made friends it was like I never really fit in. I'd move him.

I make no apologies for being a snob where DD is concerned. If my parents had been a little more snobby I might not have ended up a quivering nervous wreck at 11 years old.

YANBU. Take him out.

Only 3, 4 and 5 would bother me, to be honest. I don't give a sh*t about what the other parents do with their time or what they wear. Go visit other schools. Your DS is not happy and his willingness to learn is being impacted by discipline issues in class. 8 yo is a difficult age though - lots of children morph from angels to horrors as they test boundaries but it looks like you think this is not going to get better.

Well I wouldn't want my child at a school like that! You can al call her a snob but honestly? It's about what the chlildren's expectations are....I com from an ara like the OP describes but moved away at twenty....I wouldn't go back if you paid me.

OP YANBU

And thanks for the laugh emsyj. Brill.

Teapot is like me....and you should all note that those of us with experience of this type of place do NOT think OP is BU.

ok ok, so if it was your wedding and a relative turned up in their PJs as it now seems its a normal part of everyday life - would you find that acceptable?

OP, your son wants to be in a different school and you don't like the school he's in. That's enough for you to move him, isn't it?

I wouldn't want my kids to go to a school where all the parents wore their pyjamas to bring them to school. That's not being snobby, ffs! And I definitely wouldn't send them somewhere where there were behaviour problems of the kind you describe. No way. Move him.

Um, PooPoo, the OP is filled to the gills with ALOT and it makes my teeth itch.

Re: schools - I'm all for snobbery, and if you don't like the school then move your DS. I have no interest in being right-on when it comes to my DD's education - I will send her to the very best school we can find.

I don't believe there are many schools were all the parents turn up in PJs

That said ,move him so he doesn't catch poor

This is horrible :( Ok, the op may have come across a bit snobby (in MN terms) but there's really no need for this. I would wager not one of you would be happy with your children in schools like this, and would want to move them but be unsure and hesitant about doing it and maybe want to ask opinions. I wouldn't have necessarily put the original dilemma in the same way but we are all different and have different ways of phrasing things. I do not think she is being unreasonable at all, I would not be impressed by this 'dress code' or the disruptive behaviour. OP have you spoken to the teacher or head at all

I think it's important that your DS has actually asked to move schools.

He may be young but only he really knows what his experience of school is like.

I would never have dreamed of asking to leave my primary. (Incidentally I asked to leave my secondary at 13 and I'm very grateful to my parents for taking me seriously.)

If you're not happy, move him, as soon as you can get a place at the new school.

What other parents wear doesn't matter and won't impact you, your son or your life.

However if there is continued bad behaviour in the school and the teachers don't appear to have it under control then, yes, I would look at moving him - especially as he has indicated that he wants to move.

With regard to the unemployed PJ wearers - they're getting out of bed every day and they are making sure their kids get an education - so give them some credit for that.

emsy I liked that alot.

There were better ways of focusing (do I need another s? ) your OP, but if there are discipline problems and your son wants to change schools, then in your position I would certainly consider it.

Oh dear...

emsyj I liked that link alot!

X post Nagoo!

Another one who says YANBU, we were faced with a similar situation in a Northern town and are fortunate enough to be able to pay - I don't really care if it makes me a snob!

Not a Northern town

thanks for the responses, such alot

Wouldn't happen down South

The behaviour of the children in his class is the main concern if it stops him learning. A parent wearing pyjamas or not working really isn't, how sad for them if they literally can't dressed by pick-up time.

That said, I have picked up my friends DCs in my pyjamas because I was really ill and it was really short notice - I wore a long coat and high boots, no one even notice. Maybe suggest all the parents wear a pretty trench coat and knee-high wedge boots? Solve the first two.

He is asking to be moved, so move him.