to think if you want to work in silence, don't go to a coffee shop

[whimsicalname]

I was in a chain coffee shop this morning, across the road from our city museum, waiting with my 2 year old for it to open.

I was drinking my coffee, he sat opposite me eating raisins. Other people were working, or chatting, or reading the paper. You know, doing normal coffee shop stuff.

After a while, the boy gets up to wander around. He's not running, he's not sticky, he's just mingling. He walked towards a man with a laptop. Stood nearby him, and then said hello. Man looked up at me, and said 'do you mind, I'm concentrating here' in a really unpleasant way.

If I'd been with a couple of friends chatting we'd have made a lot more noise but I can't help but feel he probably wouldn't have told us off!

We were across the road from the university library (which has some open access areas) and all of 200m away from the city central library, so plenty of options for quiet. Blimey, he could even have sat in the cathedral for some quiet contemplation.

AIBU or was he?

Oh whims, are you getting a pasting?! I don't think you are BU, I doubt your DS was getting in anyone's way and he was just being friendly. And the idea that you were expecting that bloke to 'parent' him for you .

I'm a bit about people who work on their laptops in coffee shops and expect quiet. One of our local cafes has cubicles for people to hire if they desperately need to be quiet, but they're not soundproofed or even have glass separating them. I was in the main section of the cafe once and a woman came out to yell at everyone ask us all to be quiet as she was working. It was a Saturday afternoon and was full! We were all very and everyone ignored her .

If someone told me that their 2 year old was a 'social little butterfly' I'd probably laugh at them... hysterically.

Yes, aren't I just Cherry, what a damn shame though ay.

Richman - not just me then!!!

If he said I'm reading a book/watching a movie/listening to music/staring into thin air' it would have meant the same thing. Take care of your own kid.

Why? I was advising him that he's not going to be able to concentrate in a coffee shop is he when children are in there. If he wants to concentrate and tells a kid's mother (rudely) to basically get him away from him, then he's in the wrong place! Library would be a better place......

LoverofLife, he could have equally reeled off a list of child friendly places, like soft play centres for the OP to take her child to where he can interact with wiling strangers.

Maybe coffee shops should provide large do not disturb signs for customers to hang on their laptops or books as obviously concentrating on your laptop or having your nose stuck in a book is not a big enough sign that you don't want to be disturbed.

I think the OP is missing the point re what the man wanted. Yes, he would be unreasonable to expect silence in a public place BUT he just didn't want to be disturbed/ engaged with directly, which is not the same thing at all.

I don't understand why people think this was actually about him working. Trust me, it never is. It's a way to not engage with a child.

loveroflife are you serious?
Really?????

You'd really say that to someone who didn't want to engage with you 2yo in a coffee shop or wherever?

How about "there are lots other places where you will be able to wander around mingling and talking to strangers such as XXX. Choosing a coffee shop which is popular with adults wanting to have coffee by themselves probably wasn't a very sensible choice. Have a good day!"

Flabbergasted.

No,it's not.Your view on this matter is no more valid than that of those who'd rather not be bothered.And again respect works both ways. Children should learn,when old enough,that other people deserve respect too,and that may mean not expecting them to entertain the child.

What Damsel said. It's a coffee shop not a creche.

Because,LoverofLife,the man has as much right to be there as the child,and I see nothing to suggest that he expected silence,only to be left alone. If he'd complained that people were talking to each other he'd have been unreasonable,but he didn't.He just didn't want to interact with the OP's toddler which is fair enough imho. And I've seen it happen before,where if you say hello the parents take it as a cue that you're happy to entertain their child.

Now i always thought that coffee shops were for ALLL not just adults.

Whether the man was rude or not the op needs to just accept not everyone wants to talk to children! Some people love talking to kids when out and about, others don't. Not a big issue really. He might not have been doing 'work' either he might have been on facebook or sorting out his mums funeral or online shopping, he didn't want to be disturbed and let the op know.

It brightens up my day if a puppy or dog runs up to me in the park or pulls towards me on the street. I always stop to say hello and make a fuss of them.

However, I never let my dogs go up to people uninvited, because I have a bit of empathy and self-awareness and know that many people dislike dogs or just have no interest and don't want to be bothered by one. That's just good manners, surely?

I find people who can't interract with children for a few moments with a smile and a nice word rather nasty individuals

I can't believe what a hard time the OP is getting. Every 2 year old on the planet has a limit to how long they will sit at a table, regardless of how strict a parent you are. It's perfectly normal behaviour for them to potter about and stare at people. It's what they do. Yes, you get them out of the way sharpish if there's a hazard or they're in someone's way but there no indication that the OP wasn't doing that.

The man was rude, all he had to do was ignore the child or give it a brief smile. Most children lose interest very quickly if someone is not responding to them. If he doesn't like other human beings, he should stay indoors.

well, he was a bit of a misery but maybe he was in there because he was also waiting for somewhere to open/waiting for a meeting etc. He wouldn't have been able to get a coffee at the library or cathedral would he. As has already been said, I don't find other people's children particularly interesting especially when I get some precious time to go for a coffee without my own! Was in a coffee shop the other day and a group of mothers were sitting nearby. Their toddlers were happily wandering about all over the shop - not being particularly noisy and they were actually quite cute so it didn't bother me but I was more worried they'd end up bumping into someone and get coffee spilt on them or something.

Of course they're for everyone,well unless they're adults only,but that doesn't mean that people should be obliged to interact with OPC.

It's not really about adults vs children either. You don't necessarily want random adults wandering up to say hello and 'mingle' with you when you're enjoying a quiet coffee. Obviously children don't always know what's appropriate, but then it's the parent's job to supervise.

But that's the thing Miss F- often it's not just a smile or a few minutes- it's 15 mins of " my dog is white", " my brother is four" etc whilst the mum looks on indulgently thinking what a "social butterfly" her kid is, whilst your 30 mins of Kindle time disappear down the drain.

I doubt they care if you think they are 'rather nasty individuals',just as I doubt that you care that I find people who expect others to entertain their children are incredibly inconsiderate.

I interact will OPC on a regular basis, it's part of my job. It does not mean I want to interact with them when I am trying to have a coffee.