to think if you want to work in silence, don't go to a coffee shop

[whimsicalname]

I was in a chain coffee shop this morning, across the road from our city museum, waiting with my 2 year old for it to open.

I was drinking my coffee, he sat opposite me eating raisins. Other people were working, or chatting, or reading the paper. You know, doing normal coffee shop stuff.

After a while, the boy gets up to wander around. He's not running, he's not sticky, he's just mingling. He walked towards a man with a laptop. Stood nearby him, and then said hello. Man looked up at me, and said 'do you mind, I'm concentrating here' in a really unpleasant way.

If I'd been with a couple of friends chatting we'd have made a lot more noise but I can't help but feel he probably wouldn't have told us off!

We were across the road from the university library (which has some open access areas) and all of 200m away from the city central library, so plenty of options for quiet. Blimey, he could even have sat in the cathedral for some quiet contemplation.

AIBU or was he?

YABU as others have said to allow a 2 year old to wander round a coffee shop. I was working in a restaurant once and as I was carry a tray of 4 hot drinks a child who had been allowed to wander crashed into me and it was only through sheer luck the tray of drinks didn't go all over him All his mother said was "Darling mind the lady"!

Sorry if you feel the man was grumpy to you but not everyone finds children appealing and wants to entertain them.

He doesn't have to be stuck in his buggy,and even if so, the noise is less of an issue than the risk of the child or someone else being scalded because he's wandering around. People are constantly moving back and forth with trays containing hot drinks.It's definitely not appropriate for a toddler to be wandering around a coffee shop.

50/50

If your son literally said hello once, and that was it, then the guy overreacted, but if he was hovering around the guy, then yeah, it's a bit annoying when you end up having to engage with other people's children when you just want a bit of "me" time.

Also have you considered the whole 'talking to strangers' aspect? You are teaching your toddler that it is okay to approach strangers.

But we all know it's never that simple is it? You can't just say hello back and duck your head down, because as soon as you've engaged with them they won't go away, and politeness dictates that you can't say 'go away now please'.
The parent then mistakenly imagines you are enjoying having your peace disrupted to converse with their mindnumbing toddler little darling, when in actual fact you wish they'd just piss off back to mum and leave you alone.

I'd never be rude to a child, but I would make no bones about not wishing to engage....which is exactly what this man did.

YABU He didn't want to interact with your child and let the child know politely. He's not obligated to coo over your lad. He may not even like children. He wasn't rude to your child. He did nowt wrong.

half and half - he didn't have to be quite so blunt/rude, but he clearly wanted you to reel him in so he wasn't bothered, he could have been kinder but it is quite ok to not want to bother with other people in a coffee shop... child or adult.
He could have been having a bad day, or, maybe he hates kids. If your kid is mingling with random strangers you have to accept the risk he may approach the one who hates kids - plenty of people do! In fact, like cats, kids often pick the one who isn't keen as they seem attracted to the ones who are reserved. :)

YABU, why should this man entertain your child? He wasn't asking for complete silence, he was just asking not to have to babysit on your behalf.

Another grump here who can't be arsed dealing with other peoples toddlers when I'm having child-free time. I think it's bad form to let your toddler wander anywhere where people have hot drinks.

Gosh, I wasn't expecting so many quick responses!

I really tried to give all relevant info, but should also have said that we were upstairs, (away from the top of the stairs) with the counter downstairs. It wasn't busy, and if someone had come with drinks, I would have grabbed him as I was watching, and wasn't reading my book! (if only...)

Anyway, as you were.

OP's kid was "mingling" with random strangers! Oh for god sake. I hate Englands attitude to children. YES op lock him in the buggy with a bag over his head next time.

YANBU to think that a coffee shop is not a good place to work in silence. But that isn't exactly what the man was asking for, was it?

What response would you have hoped for / expected from him?

No need for the hysteria. People are allowed not to want to entertain other people's children. It's not a crime.

And mingling suggests more than a mere hello.

YABU.
He wasn't complaining about the noise but just stating that he didn't want to be disturbed.

Personally I can't stand it when people allow their children to "mingle" in restaurants & coffee shops.

I go into coffee shops to enjoy a coffee and lose myself in a book for 30 mins, I don't go into coffee shops to entertain OPC. Your op states that the man looked at you and commented, he wasn't rude to your son he was asking you to take control of your child. If you want a babysitter employ one.

YABU - he didn't say he wanted silence. Your DS spoke to him and while a pleasant 'hello' back would have been nice he may have wanted to avoid a conversation.

I think that people who want peace and quiet should stay in.

YABU as others have said, he didn't want to talk to your child. Not everyone finds him as cute as you.

I guess the child eaters on here were never children themselves then?

I remember eating out with a friend once, and her six year old daughter.
The girl kept going up to other people's tables and staring at them while they were eating, until they were forced to politely acknowledge her standing there gaping at them. With one couple in particular she stood there spouting guff chatting for more than 10 minutes until I could bear it no longer and shouted her back over to our table. The couple were visably relieved.
Her mum thought it was lovely that she was so 'sociable'.
I thought it was beyond rude of her to allow her dd to disrupt other people at their meal and muscle in on their privacy.

I certainly don't allow my children to 'mingle' this way.

YAbu for letting your son wander around but he is bu if really wanted peace and quiet. However from your post he just wanted to be allowed to concentrate.

He would be unreasonable to expect silence in a coffee shop (though you have no reason to think he did expect that) but you were unreasonable to let your kid wander round pestering random people.

MissFaversam He didn't say he wanted peace and quiet. Joe Public does not have to interact with OPC simply because they are in the same space.

Child eaters?