to think if you want to work in silence, don't go to a coffee shop

[whimsicalname]

I was in a chain coffee shop this morning, across the road from our city museum, waiting with my 2 year old for it to open.

I was drinking my coffee, he sat opposite me eating raisins. Other people were working, or chatting, or reading the paper. You know, doing normal coffee shop stuff.

After a while, the boy gets up to wander around. He's not running, he's not sticky, he's just mingling. He walked towards a man with a laptop. Stood nearby him, and then said hello. Man looked up at me, and said 'do you mind, I'm concentrating here' in a really unpleasant way.

If I'd been with a couple of friends chatting we'd have made a lot more noise but I can't help but feel he probably wouldn't have told us off!

We were across the road from the university library (which has some open access areas) and all of 200m away from the city central library, so plenty of options for quiet. Blimey, he could even have sat in the cathedral for some quiet contemplation.

AIBU or was he?

MissF On the contrary I think most on this thread do have children themselves, which is why we relish 30 mins with a latte and the paper when we're not fielding "Why?" questions from our own 2 year olds or at work.

He didn't want 'peace and quiet' MissFaversam, he just didn't want to interact with strangers. Would you be happy to be stuck with some loopy man on a bus? I'm sure that's how a lot of people feel about dealing with a young child they don't know, or want to know.

Miss - I love children but couldnt eat a whole one

Sorry, couldnt resist :)

I was a kid once. I was expected to not approach strangers and not disturb people.

Why should someone in a coffee shop not want a bit of peace? It's not softplay. If he had been sat with his laptop in softplay that would be entirely different.

I'm going to open a coffee shop and no grumpy arses who can't even say a hello to a child will be allowed in.

yabu why should he go to the campus because YOU want to let your DS wander and chat? Charming though I am sure DS is...when I am working to a deadline even my OWN DC cease to be thrilling.

YABU. On the very rare occassions I am in a coffee shop alone it because I have gone there to escape my own children. The last thing I want to do is amuse someone else's child.

Oh and children should not be wandering around in a coffee shop. There's parks and soft play for that.

And yes I was a child myself,and what of it? What has that got to do with anything? I wasn't allowed to bother strangers. And why should I be? Respect works both ways. You'll do a child no favours by allowing it to believe that the world revolves around it,and that people should be expected to entertain them at any time,no matter what they're doing. And by 'You' I don't mean the OP.

I don't think that toddlers should be strapped into a buggy or highchair but i really don't agree with letting them mingle to interrupt and disturb others either.

The chap probably though that was the best way to cut short the chat with your toddler and get back to what he was doing, - yes, he could have smiled and said a friendly 'hello' back but this would have lead to further interaction with the child which he doesn't have to participate in does he?

I'm not even that grumpy and don't really mind opc at all but I respect that other people may not find them at all endearing.

YANBU, i posted the same thread once as I was sick of tutting from students using the coffee shop as a library when I was there with DD, people need to expect some noise if they are working in a cafe open to all.

YABU for all the reasons already given.

Both. But more you than the man. If your kid wanted to wander about let him do it outside the museum, cafes are not the place for 'mingling' the mans reaction doesn't surprise me. Lots of people don't want to talk to children and why should they? I would have smiled and put my head back to what I was doing and hoped you took the hint and told him to leave me alone as I was busy. He was unreasonable for not giving a tiny smile to your little boy, its not his fault your letting him wander round!

You know what - I totally agree and no I dont want to entertain someone elses kid.

But come on, a 2 year old saying hello is no biggie and its no biggie to just say hello back in a nice way! What a bunch of grumps we are if we cant even manage that

OP was near him, I am sure she had her eye on him and had he carried on talking to the guy she would probably have gone and got him......

Misogs

I agree with all the YABU'ers but I'm interested to know why you think he WBU not to want to engage with your precious little pumpkin? Like pictish says if you start with a small child you have to be prepared to see it through - sometimes for hours - because they don't really have the social skills to know when someone just doesn't want to play. When I go for a coffee I really really don't want to engage with small children or the ever present fruitloop having an animated conversation with himself whilst stabbing at the fresh air!

Good gracious someone alert the authorities about this unfit mother allowing her child to terrorise men on laptops in coffee shops!

He's two and he said hello. Fair enough if the man didn't want to engage with him but there are some massive overreactions to the OP on this thread!

Child eaters!

I just think he wanted to cut off contact.. Have you never smiled at a child on a train or bus, then found the parents gratefully allowing you to continue entertaining them for the whole journey whilst they chat to their friend or read a book? Just me then ...

YANBU it is a coffee shop not an office or an expensive restaurant. Your child was having a little wander, he could have ignored him, but by saying something he was criticising you and that was unnecessary.

I would have said to my ds....

"X the man wants to concentrate on his work and he doesn't want to talk at the moment, come back to Mummy and we'll find someone else to say hello to"

Then I would have said to the man...

"TERRIBLY sorry, he's just such a social little butterfly, loves engaging with people and very inquisitive, it's wonderful really. I don't know if you're aware but there are lots other places where you will be able to work with no interruptions such as XXX. Choosing a coffee shop which is popular with children and not wanting to be disturbed probably wasn't a very sensible choice. Have a good day"

DDF Are you my sister? I swear she is the frikkin' pied piper!

A childs smile always brightens up my day. I'm flattered if I look approachable enough for kiddie to come have a chat.

And I'd have told you where to go,LoverofLife. He shouldn't have to leave the coffee shop just because he doesn't want to entertain another's toddler.

he didn't want to work though. He just didnt want to have a banal conversation with a 2 yr old. The Op would have been more offended if he'd told the truth though

It might brighten up your day,but you're wrong to expect it to have the same effect for everyone.