Should I pay double because I have twins?

[pinkandred]

My twins are in reception and one of the mums has made a suggestion that instead of everyone buying bits and bobs for the teacher as an end of term present that maybe we should all put in a fiver and either give her the money or get her some vouchers to spend on whatever she wants.

I'm happy to do this but its been made obvious (without saying it in so many words) that £10 is expected from me.

I would never expect not to pay for one of my children because they are twins but in this case, its not a fee or charge for something, its a gesture for the teacher and is presumably in most, if not all cases, coming out of the parents pocket rather than the child's.

Not all parents are contributing anyway as some either prefer not to or have already made their own arrangements. I know I dont need to contribute at all but I think on the whole its a good idea and it saves me buying something for £5 such as chocs/flowers. But, is it right that they are expecting me to contribute double?

Sorry Pinkandred, shouldn't have made that last dig. Regretted it as soon as I pressed the Post button .

Op - pay your £5, think of it however you want to think of it and leave it at that.

This thread had made me giggle, but there's a lot of over thinking going on IMO!!

I know there is no point posting as you have made up your mind, but I agree with others who say you should pay double. The teacher has looked after your two children helping each to develop. If they were in different classes you would presumably thank each of them separately.

There is a difference, in my view at least, between thank you presents and birthday/Xmas gifts. It has never occurred to me that twins should each take individual presents if invited to a birthday party! If my kids (age 3 and 1) are both invited to a party, do they also have to take separate gifts? Of course not, and neither do your twins in my view.

But this is different. By definition, it is a thank you gift, and you have twice as much as other parents in the class to thank the teacher for. I think it is sad that you can't see that. T

It is clearly the amount that you resent, rather than the concept, so YABU for asking the wrong AIBU.

And I don't think there is anything wrong with a £150 present. I'm sure most teachers would rather have that than 30 boxes of stale choccies in the middle of summer. If there was no collection, what would you be buying for £2.50 per chid? A tin of coconut milk? Half a punnet of cherries? What sort of gift can you really find for that sort of money? Even if you gave home made biscuits you'd still end up paying that, if not more.

It's funny that your kids are not materialistic given you moaned upthread that their birthday presents are worth about half those of other kids. Clearly you know the value of toys...

2 children, 2 contributions. I would give £10. Infact our class collection is £10 each which I thought was quite fair. I would far rather give the teacher a collective present than make my own assumptions of what she would like. I distinctly remember my aunt who is a teacher, bringing home piles of presents which she would never use and trying to palm them off on my mum and she really didn't appreciate the homemade gifts at all.

pinkandred, on the subject of paying "double" for your twins, if you object, as you appear to do, then you have no problems with them getting one birthday present/card between the two of them.

My sister had twins a month ago

Little does she know the aggro she has ahead of her

"And I don't think there is anything wrong with a £150 present."

But surely something decent could be bought with 30-50GBP?

Just read the comment " lots of parents give gifts to show off"

Why disparage and belittle the generosity of others? I think that comment is mean spirited.

I think that, as you've decided not to pay the full amount expected, I would say that you shouldn't contribute at all, and get something yourself. Whether it's right or not, some of the parents have come up with a scheme whereby each child donates £5 towards a gift for the teacher- If you don't want to do that, get your own gift.

The fact that you're going on about how your DTs are less work than badly behaved children is sad and unkind. Way to go to make the parents of children with behavioural issues feel bad. Hope you feel nice and smug now.

"lots of parents give gifts to show off". Really? Lots of parents give gifts in genuine thanks to the person who've nurtured and helped developed their child.

Just buy your own gift, class collections are ridiculous if you ask me

Id give £5. Its a ridiculous amount of money for teachers presents, collecting over £100 .

I thought the point if end if term presents were so the child could give a token. DD loves to give her teachers something but its usualy a small smelly from M&S.

Personaly I would refuse to contribute to a class present. I can just imagine the type of parent who decides to organise this.

I work with teachers and none off them expect any presents. They just want the day to end so the holidays start .

What is all this present for the teacher business?

What's wrong with a good old fashioned apple?

no issue for me as I don't do end of term presents anyway so it would be nothing.

In these classs collections is a vote taken on hows its spent? or does the person collecting pick what they want?

Its madness I tell you! Madness!

Get them a bloody box of Malteasers.

I'm a twin mum and I would give 10 pounds. When my twins left their nursery school I bought them a bunch of flowers each to give their teacher so she got double.

We have a school fair coming up soon and I am expected to donate double.

I have twins and they ALWAYS take separate presents to parties and ALWAYS give separate gifts to their teacher even if they are in the same class. They are separate people, however well behaved they are.

If you only give gifts once from both of them to other people then I'm not surprised that your twins get 'cheap' presents in return!!

I'd also like to defend class whip rounds for presents. Getting something small and appropriate for 8 people (1 teacher and 3 TAs/learning mentors for 2 DCs) is a nightmare and costs a bomb - and what would they do with 30 boxes of Milk Tray? I did little bags of home made biscuits one year which I thought was perfect until several teachers on MN informed me that they would throw any home made food straight in the bin .
A fiver per child allows everyone in the teaching team to receive something actually nice, and for no-one to be left out. You can always get your DC to draw a nice card with a personal message as well.

One teacher - one parent saying thanks - one contribution.

But teachers don't need, or expect, presents. Such a weird idea. Do you give your doctor a box of chocolates once a year? Or have a whip round amongst the neighbours for the bin men? It all sounds as if it has got a bit competitive and nasty in several schools mentioned above. I am not even sure what the legality would be of giving lavish presents in my LA. I have been given flowers after a play and that was wonderful as it was planned by pupils; but I would never, ever expect parents to "pay" for me teaching their children or even send a card because I am doing my job for which I am paid and which brings its own, considerable, non-financial, rewards.

I don't think you should have been asked to pay double. You should put in what you want.
Personally I would probably put in a tenner having said that, but I would be miffed if I had been specifically asked to.
I invited twins to dd's party and was really surprised to receive two presents - one would have been fine. It just struck me that party invites could be really expensive if you have twins!
As a teacher I find the end of year present thing a bit embarrassing. On top of that I'm a job share and there is more than one TA in the class. I want to put a sign up saying no presents please, or if you must then something small to share will be lovely. It all gets a bit silly having to fork out so much. For me the thoughtful cards are the nicest end of year present.

I honestly cannot for the life of me see what is wrong/weird or unethical about a collection for the teacher and TA. They each get a nice voucher from Amazon for a book, music, whatever. It shows our appreciation and is waaay better than 30 boxes of chocs, or headache-inducing fizzy wine (gross, in my opinion). We've done collection for 3 years now. It's always appreciated by the teachers, and it's appreciated by many busy parents who don't have the time or inclination to sort out gifts for multiple children's teachers.

There seems to be some general sneering at generous impulses, which is depressing. And yes, one year I did give my doctor a small present. Also my hair stylist. So what?

Many teachers go way above and beyond their job description. So IMHO it's a bit rich for parents to say they don't have time to put any thought into a card/gift which says something specific and personalised.

I'm with bowerbird- I have given presents to my doctor, my secretary, and even my estate agents. They all expressed surprise and seemed chuffed. The teacher would have to be really bad for me not to give a present!

Thanks Prima! Glad to know there's an anti-scrooge movement here.