Should I pay double because I have twins?

[pinkandred]

My twins are in reception and one of the mums has made a suggestion that instead of everyone buying bits and bobs for the teacher as an end of term present that maybe we should all put in a fiver and either give her the money or get her some vouchers to spend on whatever she wants.

I'm happy to do this but its been made obvious (without saying it in so many words) that £10 is expected from me.

I would never expect not to pay for one of my children because they are twins but in this case, its not a fee or charge for something, its a gesture for the teacher and is presumably in most, if not all cases, coming out of the parents pocket rather than the child's.

Not all parents are contributing anyway as some either prefer not to or have already made their own arrangements. I know I dont need to contribute at all but I think on the whole its a good idea and it saves me buying something for £5 such as chocs/flowers. But, is it right that they are expecting me to contribute double?

The spoken, as Ive already explained further up the thread, my children are individual children and do receive individual presents/cards. But, this is a monetary thank-you coming from the pockets of parents for the teacher. We are 1 set of parents and there is 1 teacher. If my children were sending a thank you card then they would send individual ones obviously. But, a monetary donation is not from them, its from me. And my gratitude is no more than that of a single child's parents. I am grateful and thankful for the teachers efforts throughout the year, but am no more grateful because I have 2 in the class.

When a married couple send a birthday card to a parent do they send individual cards/buy individual presents? No.

This is not about the monetary reward for a teacher at the end of term. Its a gesture of thanks

But presents for your DC are coming from the pockets of your DC friends parents! Or do you refuse them when your DC have a party? Other parents who have multiple DC have to buy more than one gift..dipping in t their pockets twice, three and four times!

(slight segway) All three of mine are invited to the same party on Saturday. Do I have to take 3 presents? It's our first party all together.

I must be a real cheapskate because my 3 (twins plus one)have nearly always been invited to the same party and I only ever give one present from all of them (bearing in mind it was me paying !). It never occurred to me to give one from each ! They do all make a card of their own.

As for the original question - I dunno. It would depend how much I liked the teacher, and how much spare cash I had. Not much help :)

This is why I hate the whole give a teacher a present thing. It should be a special thank you rather than an expected each year thing. No-one gives me a present at the end of the year for dong my job (nor do I expect them to). I only give teacher presents to those who were better than normal (for want of a better way of describing it) with my child that year.

So I probably ought to stand by my first statement - I must be a real cheapskate !

my gratitude is no more than that of a single child's parents. Well it SHOULD be.

Your DC are individuals....do you not think "Oh it's so nice the teacher helped little pinky with her/his shyness...AND it's so good she helped twin 2 with his/her tantrums"

Or is all your feeling lumped into one set?

Rock I buy two smaller gifts for he child when both my DDs are invited...I spend around a tenner on a gift...so if both girls go then that's a fiver each...they like a gift each to give. I mean your twins must get a gift each on their birthdays?

TheSpokenNerd - its a gesture of appreciation for the effort the teachers put in. whether or not twins should get seperate birthday presents is a completely different issue. You can't compare the two at all.
I have always had two cakes for mine, we sing happy birthday twice, they get different presents etc, but in this situation I wouldnt give £10.

No, diddl, its not. If it were, then the teacher would be receiving homemade cards and presents only. Instead, they are receiving bottles of wine, plants, flowers, candles, etc and unless the children are going shopping themeselves and buying these gifts with their own money then they are not from the child, they are from the parents and the children are just handing them over.

Its interesting that all the comments from teachers on here are all similar. It seems to be other parents with the attitude that you have to pay twice if you want 2 childrens names on the thankyou gift. What does it matter whose name is on there, its a gesture, not a fee, not a charge and teachers are not that shallow to think that their services are any less valued and appreciated from parents who contribute anything less or nothing at all.

wouldnt get involved in the collection

say ahhhhh I already picked up sthing ages ago, when I saw it, i was feeling organised that day

or sthing

dont feel pressurised

you have enough on your plate with twins

the rockenholt - buy whatever you want to. I mentioned earlier in the thread, if my dc were to receive a pencil wrapped up for their birthday from one of their friends it would mean the same as someone who bought an expensive present. Its the thought that counts, and you shouldnt feel that you have to pay your way in the form of a present to be able to feel justified in attending a party.

so your card would just say, love from x and y the twins

ignore the fussy mums, hard though

But you clearly want it both ways.

You want (quite rightly) that your twins be considered as individuals, yet are all uppity about being expected to contribute 2 childrens' quotas for the prezzie. Well,you have 2 children,so yes you should.

And going on about it not being a fee or a service is just bloody minded and petty.

The twins in dd's class had a party last year and all the other mums (we all put money together for one big present) were "oh, but we're only paying the usual quota" When I stuckup for paying 2 quotas, because they were 2 children,the class rep told me that the twins' mother only ever pays 1 quota.

"its a gesture, not a fee"-so pay what you want to!

The spoken nerd - I have the same level of gratitude to the teacher of my twins as I have towards the teacher of my elder child. I dont think she has worked any harder because I happen to have 2 children in her class as opposed to the other teacher who has my elder child. They have both worked hard.

I dont think Ineed to thank her twice and I doubt she would expect it.

My twins are well behaved and probably take up far less of her time than some of the very challenging kids in the class. Perhaps their parents should be sending in double thanks for using up more of her time.

I will collect my kids on time on the last day of term so the school staff can go home on time & have a well earned break. That's gesture enough, isn't it?

Bucharest, I dont want it both ways at all. My children are individuals and as such will be sending individual cards. But how the hell would the kids in the class know how much has been put into a collection that is being organised by one of the mums.

Its not like all the kids will be walking into class with a £5 note and mine will be walking in holding a corner each. The money is going in 1 big envelope and card so most of the kids wont know or care who has contributed anyway.

I'm with you OP. Life must be expensive enough with twins! A £5 contribution per family should be ok. Although I agree it shouldn't really be a set amount, just let people give what they can afford.

I don't think it should be a set amount at all, everyone should contribute what they can/ want to, and if you "want" to contribute a £10 then great, if you "want" to contribute a £5 then that's great as well. And if you want to say that she's paid to do her job and I don't want to contribute anything then that should be ok as well.

"just let people give what they can afford."

Exactly!

How has this all come about?

You must give XGBP, full class parties, proms for primaries?

Doesn´t anyone say "no I don´t want to do that, thanks?"

Diddl, dont get me started on primary school proms. How on earth am I going to tell my dd that I'm not contributing to a limo even if all her friends are going in one. I dont even know if I could be that cruel to her but its something I really really detest. They're 11 years old!! Whats wrong with a leaving trip or disco?

who cares what you give, how much it cost and whether it's joint or separate for your children???
Give what you want in the way you want at the time you want and let it be a genuine thanks for the teacher.

I have lots of DCs and couldn't afford the £5 per child tarrif .

I think it is ridiculous and wrong to stipulate how much people give. Who knows what people can afford? Some who are struggling may find it very hard to say no and be placed in a difficult situation.

Suggest that next year you find a big envelope and label it "contributions for teachers present: no suggested amount" and avoid the dilemma from this year.

What diddl said.

I don't mind saying 'sorry I can't afford that, I'll do my own thing' because I don't think there's any shame in admitting it. But I'm sure there's lots of people would pay up rather than face the mortifcation of being 'the only one' not paying their way.

Last year the suggested donation was £10, my DTs are in seperate classes so I'd have to do both. I'd just lost my job and money was tight so I said no thanks and go the DTs to make a card each.

Pinkandred why did you post in AIBU? Every time anybody's disagreed with you, you've told them why they're wrong and you're right .

So - yes, you're absolutely right, you should only put £5 in the collection. I don't really mean that.

I've twins in the same class, and TBH, Id make my own arrangements so I wouldn't get drawn into the argument in the first place. Also, with regards to birthday gifts, we have a standing arrangement with the mums in the class we pay no more than £5 per chils guest for presents, but they all know I will buy a gift worth £10 and address it from both boys, as this gives a better gift to the birthday child, and the mum is grateful to have something more than the usual £5 gifts!

Vestibule, I havent told everyone that they're wrong. Its quite obvious what I think, I know that, but I was just trying to get everyone to think about the real reason for these collections and to remember that they are gestures rather than monetary rewards per child.

And I posted in AIBU because I wanted to, and I can, and I will again if I want to.

atMsVestibule.

No,OP, you're right. No-one will know. (except the woman collecting the wanga will tell everybody about you, just like our class rep did about our twin-mum never wanting to contribute twice. HTH)