Should I pay double because I have twins?

[pinkandred]

My twins are in reception and one of the mums has made a suggestion that instead of everyone buying bits and bobs for the teacher as an end of term present that maybe we should all put in a fiver and either give her the money or get her some vouchers to spend on whatever she wants.

I'm happy to do this but its been made obvious (without saying it in so many words) that £10 is expected from me.

I would never expect not to pay for one of my children because they are twins but in this case, its not a fee or charge for something, its a gesture for the teacher and is presumably in most, if not all cases, coming out of the parents pocket rather than the child's.

Not all parents are contributing anyway as some either prefer not to or have already made their own arrangements. I know I dont need to contribute at all but I think on the whole its a good idea and it saves me buying something for £5 such as chocs/flowers. But, is it right that they are expecting me to contribute double?

FWIW, OP (not that you're going to listen to anything I have to say now ), that although I do think you should pay per child, how much you give per child should be entirely up to you.

Although a suggested amount is OKish, I don't like the idea of you receiving catsbum mouths because you haven't given as much as you're "told" to.

£150 for the teacher? she does not need that much to say thanks?! what is wrong with a lovely handmade card that she will chuck out later and some nice words?

I bought DD's teacher an Acer tree, but that was as she was leaving to have her very first baby, and DD herself really wanted to buy her/the baby something. I would not normally by anything for the teacher. I am obviously wrong in this and will learn as my children progress through school

I thought that the idea of a class collection was that the z´teacher got a decent present at minimal cost to parents

Now, 5GBP may or may not be minimal-but I think that when it adds to 150-or 145GBP then it´s too much tbh.

I'm with you all the way OP.

i have twins at nursery and every 'family' is given an envelope at the start of each term for a suggested voluntary donation of £10, to help cover costs of extras. I have only ever been given one envelope, it never crossed my mind that perhaps I should be given two. Bringing up twins and paying two amounts of fee's is expensive enough!!

If we go to a party, I buy the birthday child a joint gift from my twins as generally they share the same friends at their age. I expect this may change as they progress through primary school next year, in which case the present etiquette may change too.

To those who are talking about expecting two presents from people at their birthdays, then yes I suppose I do. And this is what has always happened....so far. They are two people at the end of the day.

In this case, there is only one teacher.

It is all about gesture, not monetary value.

PS I loved your last post OP - £2.50 per child sounds a great compromise!

I must admit when it comes to giving presents my dts have always given a card and present from each one. I think if they are to be seen as two when they receive it cuts the same way when they give.

My issue in this case would be being told how much I had to give. That's what would irk me.

How ridiculous of one parent to try to dictate to another parent how much to give. I would assume you would give £5 as a family, and really not worry about this.

The op has twins which means she has at least two children. Most people have at least two children at school. She has the choice of doing her own thing, or putting money towards a bigger present with other parents which would mean putting in £10. I don't understand why there is an issue. Parents with kids in different years don't get a "discount"!

I think, at our school anyway, the reason they ask for that amount of money is becausee it is split between teachers and TAs. So say if one teacher and 3 TAs then 4 pounds would equate to a pound per child per teacher - class of 30 that is something worth 30 pounds if everyone contributes. It is also less than you might spend on a gift, plus it is easier. Do check because yoou may find out that it is being split so not actually all for the teacher and if there are no TAs with 30 reception children then they probably need something to help them recover .

I personally wouldn't bother contributing to it. I think £5 is to much. I think that it is utterly ridiculous to have collections for Teachers where £100 or so is collected. £1 per child / family would be sufficient and would buy £20 -£30 gift voucher. Which I feel is extremely generous.

Is it even ethical to accept such a large amount of money as a teacher? It would embarrass me!

I think it is nice to say thank you though. Thank you cards or something homemade is much better and quite frankly more appreciated by the teachers that I know.

When did we reach the point that throwing money at people became more important than genuine thanks and gratitude?

OP YANBU

Quite right MaryPB.

Yes, I agree with MaryP too. I buy a bottle of fizz - about £12 - and chocs for the TAs. It is very costly and I wouldn't spend more if I had twins; I would just be glad that I could express my thanks for the same price. My dc both go to after-school club - I will give one gift from them both.

The gift is from the parents really - it is to say thank you for caring for my dc.

Op: "Should I pay double for my twins"

resounding majority: "yes you should"

Op: "No I shouldn't" repeat ad infinitum

Of course you should! If people gave your twins a joint present or joint card all the time you may feel rightly peeved - they are individuals. The teacher has given no less time to your twins than to two other unrelated children in the class and deserves a thank you from both of them, not half a thank you from both.
Whether or not you contribute at all is a different question which I am not going to get into!

i never like it when people say everybody put a certain ammount in for a gift type thing and this is what we think you should put in.it assumes so many things about what people can afford to do what people think is acceptable

i also think the whole pressie for the teacher has gone way beyond a token thank you gift from a child when its got to the point where people are saying lets all club in a get something,it kinda turns in my stomach if that makes sense.
it might be because im a bit batty but i think its not a very nice practice nothing wrong with a token gift (unless you then think about the problem of the children whos familys cant or wont help them get or make something)

when i worked for the LA i had to declare gratuities and it was a pain in the arse a token gift wasnt a gratuitie but a clubbed togather higher valus gift would have been dont know what its like nowadays tho.

pay what every you feel is right and propper or opt out and do your own thing i guess is the answer to this

Gah, I hate AIBUs where the OP keeps on defending a position instead of accepting thye have been told they ABU....

If £10 is too much, just don't give to the collection and do your own gift?

You are thanking her twice, once for each child. If they were twins in separate classes you be saying thanks twice. Twins takes up twice the time teaching than a singleton.

I think privately I'd like to pay twice, in this situation.

But I would certainly object to someone telling me to do so or judging me if I didn't.

If it was up to me I would have an envelope for suggested donations and I wouldnt be looking at what anyone has put into it

Seems sensible to me if you want to contribute. As an ex teacher I don't see why presents are necessary at all, but I certainly don't think there should be an "expected" contribution. Some people are really short of money and might struggle.

*i also think the whole pressie for the teacher has gone way beyond a token thank you gift from a child when its got to the point where people are saying lets all club in a get something,it kinda turns in my stomach if that makes sense.
it might be because im a bit batty but i think its not a very nice practice nothing wrong with a token gift (unless you then think about the problem of the children whos familys cant or wont help them get or make something)

when i worked for the LA i had to declare gratuities and it was a pain in the arse a token gift wasnt a gratuitie but a clubbed togather higher valus gift would have been dont know what its like nowadays tho*

I couldn't agree more.

Is it even ethical to accept such a large amount of money as a teacher?

I don't think it is.

thanks ilovessooty. i think its just one of those weird things. my kids always made stuff things like soap and foot cream or a sented oil in a nice bottle it never cost me more than a few pence but all the teachers i came across loved them one even once took me aside and offered to buy me stuff so we could make her some more soap and room spray. the kids all loved doing stuff like this.

i think a higher value gift that requires any form of clubbing togather is embarrising and unplesant.

I have twins.I would give £5.

Why did you bother starting this?!

You seem to have made your mind up that you don't want to pay more than £5 !

Look - the suggestion has clearly been made that £5 is given on behalf of each child in the class. But it's only a suggestion. You can buy your own present. Or no present.

Personally I would probably do my own thing, as it all smacks a bit of one parent taking over and organising, and how do they know what vouchers the teacher would want anyway? But if I agreed with the idea in principle, I would give £10 if I had two children in the class.