Should I pay double because I have twins?

[pinkandred]

My twins are in reception and one of the mums has made a suggestion that instead of everyone buying bits and bobs for the teacher as an end of term present that maybe we should all put in a fiver and either give her the money or get her some vouchers to spend on whatever she wants.

I'm happy to do this but its been made obvious (without saying it in so many words) that £10 is expected from me.

I would never expect not to pay for one of my children because they are twins but in this case, its not a fee or charge for something, its a gesture for the teacher and is presumably in most, if not all cases, coming out of the parents pocket rather than the child's.

Not all parents are contributing anyway as some either prefer not to or have already made their own arrangements. I know I dont need to contribute at all but I think on the whole its a good idea and it saves me buying something for £5 such as chocs/flowers. But, is it right that they are expecting me to contribute double?

I hate hate hate this idea that we all have to 'pay' to be able to thank our teachers. I never put into the collections as I find it repugnant that a teacher should get £5 x 30 kids (£150) as a thank you for doing her job. When did this happen? We used to send in choccies or hand made gifts? Last year the teacher got a bloody gold bracelet! so erm no, I wouldnt put any fivers in, let alone 2 of them!

If you want to be involved in the collection, I think you should pay twice. If you don't want to, which is perfectly reasonable and understandable, then just don't be in the collection and buy your own gift.

I think it is the same as having two children in different classes and paying twice tbh. You are only thanking one teacher, but you have two children that need to say thank you. Exactly the same as I do even though they are in different classes.

Betty I dont mind, really I dont.

But, as for any presents or gifts, I really think that you buy what you can afford. If someone came to my dc's party with a pencil wrapped up I would rather they came than didnt come because they cant afford a present.

Its not about what is spent. And not everyone can afford the same.

Like I say, its about gesture.

It baffles me why some people are comparing it to if my children were in different classes. You cant compare that, because if thats the case they you are thanking 2 separate teachers so obviously you would pay twice. But in this case its 1 teacher, and one thank you from me, not at twice the cost.

I know of one Head of Year that was bought an iPad by his class.

The thank you is from the parent, when referring to young children, IMO anyway.

Outraged, when I get letters about trips from school I receive one letter.

When I am offered tickets to the school play (strictly 2 tickets ie, one for each parent (or alternative carer), then I am offered only 2.

When I went in school to help out on a trip (along with other mum) I was given a thank you note to "x&x's" mum. Not 2 separate cards with each childs name - just the one.

How far do you want to go. We are one set of parents and there is one teacher to thank.

If the thank you is from you then give a fiver and ask for your name to be signed on the card instead of your children's.

When my children give teacher presents they give them from themselves. They choose what we give, or they at least have input into it, and the tags or cards always have their names on, not mine. That's why I'm saying you give money from each child, so it is completely comparable.

I buy presents or give money to the collection on behalf of my children. On the ocassions I have wanted to say thank you myself, I haven't given a present at all, I have written in a card.

I couldn't agree more pinkandred. I always make a point of buying 2 presents from my twins when they attend parties, and two cards, everything is separate, but its not comparable to a party situation, nor to end of year presents for 2 different teachers. They have been taught by one teacher and there is no "set" price on a thank you. We always have class collections and my twins are in Year 2 now (there is another set of twins in their class too) and we've never been expected to pay double for this - its never been expressed as a "per child" gesture. Of course if its a class contribution to cake baking ingredients, or something like that where both twins take part separately, thats different, but this is a thank you gesture as the class teacher.

Oh, and outraged - you say that I have two children that need to say thanks, so are you saying that if I only contribute £5 then only one of them is saying thanks.

I really dont think you are right. This collection is about the parents, nothing to do with the children, unless it is coming out of their own money.

The children's thank you will be a little card that they have written themeselves, I think she will know that my children thank her regardless of what is put in that collection and I think most teachers wouldnt be that shallow to think that the amount given is a reflection of their gratitude.

Presumably, if each child got the teacher a present, and there wasn't a kitty, your twins wouldn't share a present - they'd give one each. And also presumably, if the teacher was giving the children a present, you'd expect the twins to each receive a present, and not share. It's no different to having two children of different ages, with different teachers and putting £5 into two different kitties. Is it?

I think you must get in the mindset of thinking of the twins as two separate entities and not as "the twins". Everything will cost double - but would be the same as having two children at different times.

Phyllis, can I ask you, if you were invited to a wedding, or a family party or some other occassion, would you buy a present from each member of your family or do you buy one present from all of you?

If you buy just the one present from all of you (which I suspect you do), do you or any members of your family feel odd, like you need separate entities. If you would normally spend £10 on a present to a party and there are 4 of you in your family going, would you increase that to £40?

Dont think so.

Oh, and for the record, if I was buying a present for the teacher it would be one present and one card. My children are happy for one to carry the card and one to carry the present. I doubt this will have any psychological effect on them in the future.

Of course the teachers wouldn't be that shallow!

I'm not saying that only one of your children is saying thank you if you only give £5, of course not. But each of your children would be contributing less than all the other children if you only give £5.

Which is absolutely fine if that's what you want to do. These collections shouldn't have a definate set amount that each parent provides on behalf of their child anyway. It should be a case of people donating what they want to and then the organiser seeing how much there is at the end to spend or give in vouchers.

If you think the collection is about the parents, then like I said, get your name put in the joint card instead of your children's.

But honestly, does it really matter that much? You haven't been asked outright to give £5 from each child, and I'm sure nothing bad will happen if you do only give £5. Just give what you want to give or do your own gift.

What has been said to make you feel like £10 is expected from you?

Phyllis, found the comment about getting used to the twins as separate entities a little bit patronising, parents of twins are far more aware of this than anyone.

You obviously don't want to give £10 so don't. Presents for primary school teachers were less expected at my kids' school. Also why primary teachers and not secondary ones or university tutors? The present thing is mad. Do your own thing if you don't want to spend £10. I agree that if they were in different classes you'd be getting a present from each of them, if you give presents.
I'd have thought a nice thank you card would be fine.

Thanks Trying.

It would be interesting to see how many people actually attend parties with their partners and children and contribute 3 or 4 times what they would have spent if they attended on their own.

No advice op, but threads like this make me so sad. I'm a teacher, (on mat leave, not mning in class!) and I have been on the receiving end of some very generous gifts from class collections. I would be horrified if I thought these were the result of any form of bullying/upset for any of the parents, or that anyone was contributing a particular amount under pressure from others. I have taught several sets of twins and it wouldn't occur to me that they would send presents separately (not that I expect anything from anyone anyway)

Remember these are a thank you, an extra that is not compulsory in any way, and teachers are very grateful, mostly for the expression of thanks that come with gifts rather than the gifts themselves.

Do what you think is right and don't be pressured by others.

Phyllis- isn't numbers the point though i -

two children receive 2 presents ,one teacher receive one gift. If it was two teachers then yes two gifts.

Who on earth started gifting teachers anyway. Bloody Americans I bet.

Long ago when my children were in primary school it was a gift from the children. Yes we parents bought it but it was a gift that the children chose and gave to their teacher.

pinkandred,

I think that giving should not be an arbitary amount set by someone else. There should be no complusion on what amount you give. Giving is not paying a bill.

A lot depends on family finance. A wealthy family might easily be able to afford £10. A family on benefits might find £2 a struggle to give. Giving needs to be sponanteous and what the giver wants to give.

If you want to give a fiver then give a fiver. Its the thought that counts not the cost of the gift.

pinkandred, you obviously don't want to hear what the majority of people on this thread are saying, so just give the same contribution as everyone else is giving for one single child. Or give nothing, or just a present of your own choice. I don't think anyone is particularly saying that it must be £10 donation, but people are making the point that the gift is generally given from each individual child. So two children would generally equal two gifts, or perhaps double the contribution etc.

Re your point about only being given two tickets (eg one per parent), rather than two tickets per twin - errr, the point is that they are being given tickets for parents. I presume your twins only have two parents?

I was then about to comment and read sherbetpips post which is exactly what I would have written. I feel that when a teacher gives over and above to their class/your dc and you want to make a special personal gesture, then do so, but even then should be relatively modest. A gift for a nice teacher just doing their job as such should be a token gift and/or nicely worded card. I feel a handwritten note thank you letter from parent/dc would mean much more than a hastily bought random gift anyway.

Whip rounds to the value of £5+ per child is excessive and shouldn't be allowed by the school imv, but if they do go ahead, it is unfair for someone to decide that everyone can easily afford £5 ot £10 for twins, £1-2 per child is plenty or whatever people can afford. It's entirely voluntary, no one should feel pressured to contribute a set amount, especially with twins.

I have twins so sympathise, and summer term is expensive anyway with additional events, school trips, parties etc.

I would say I had already made arrangements, get your dts to make e.g., some lovely biscuits and write a sweet card.

Agree with ReallyTired and Eskarina.

Playground politics may come into it, opt out if its going to cause any problems with other mums, depends on your situation.