Should I pay double because I have twins?

[pinkandred]

My twins are in reception and one of the mums has made a suggestion that instead of everyone buying bits and bobs for the teacher as an end of term present that maybe we should all put in a fiver and either give her the money or get her some vouchers to spend on whatever she wants.

I'm happy to do this but its been made obvious (without saying it in so many words) that £10 is expected from me.

I would never expect not to pay for one of my children because they are twins but in this case, its not a fee or charge for something, its a gesture for the teacher and is presumably in most, if not all cases, coming out of the parents pocket rather than the child's.

Not all parents are contributing anyway as some either prefer not to or have already made their own arrangements. I know I dont need to contribute at all but I think on the whole its a good idea and it saves me buying something for £5 such as chocs/flowers. But, is it right that they are expecting me to contribute double?

MaryPoppinsBag:|
I think that it is utterly ridiculous to have collections for teachers where £100 or so is collected. Is it even ethical to accept such a large amount of money as a teacher? It would embarrass me!

Yes. Teacher & twin mum agreeing here. I just think these collections are ethically wrong. The mums of the children in the same class as my twins oganise a collection too. It's put me in an awful position.

I'm never on the playground as I'm in school a few miles away. I couldn't put my mum or mum in law in the position of having to explain for me so I wrote the organiser a letter - I agonised over the wording & tried so hard to be non judgemental & polite.

So wish I'd just politely declined to contribute & left it that. She showed other mums the letter (think some of them agreed, actually) but organiser mum took against me big time. Snubbing and back turning at every opportunity. Daughter left out of parties & all sorts. It's getting easier now they're getting older & I no longer have to attend parties.

OP learn from my mistake. Do your own thing quietly.

at an organised collection for a teacher! really? Blimey i must live in a parallel universe. we give the teacher a jar of homemade jam at the end of the year at most. is this a private school? surely you get the teacher a personal gift if you want to. if all 30 kids are contributing how do you decide what to get?

Martha what a horrible person she sounds. It's always the ones who can't bear to be wrong who do snubbing, back-turning and ignoring, isn't it?

Absolutely. I'm not too bothered. Have only ever discussed it with one of the other mums. Am reassured that most of the others are sensible enough to see it for what it was! But still, was pretty stupid of me. Wasn't a battle that was worth it.

I also agree with MaryPoppinsBag - it is surely not right that a teacher would accept such a gift worth £150 ish (and doesn't that a gift of that sort of value have to be declared for tax purposes ). Where I worked (private sector) we were not allowed to accept any form of gift worth more than £5 - if it was too embarassing to refuse, it would have to be put on one side and if you wanted it you would have to pay the market value for the gift and the money donated to charity.

I would like to hear from a teacher who has accepted a gift of that value and whether they really think it is appropriate?

Fortunately I have never been in the situation where I have been asked to contribute to a class gift; I do not give teachers end of term gifts - I send a handwritten letter of thanks. When my DS has left a school I give a 'charity goat' type gift if I feel it is deserved.

And can I just make the plea I make every Summer and Christmas - the people that do deserve your thanks and appreciation are all the volunteers who help your children - sports coaches, brownie leaders etc .

If your children were I two different classes, you would pay twice, right?

If you don't want to be part of the class present, opt out and give a present just from your family.

If it's a whip round people should just pay whatever they can afford and want to give.

£5 (or £10) is outrageous, and I agree a £100+gift is inappropriate
If I were you OP I'd decline and make a lovely card with your DCS, and maybe some cakes if you've got the time

Totally agree with Ragwort
On all counts

How about buying £150 of vouchers from your DTs or a Kitchenaid and 'trumping' the class present?

[helpful]

OP, I'd give what I could afford, or better yet, send a thank you card instead.

I think it's very vulgar and thoughtless to tell people what they should contribute, in my judgey opinion. But then I think pre-emptive wedding lists with invitations are presumptuous, too.:o

OP, why did you post in AIBU?

You had already decided YWNBU and no one would change your mind, so what was the point?

The teacher is unlikely to get a gift worth £100+.

When my ds's schools have done collections some of the money has always been spent on the TAs.

Shelly, I posted in AIBU because I can, because its available for anyone to post in. There are no rules to say that I have to agree with other peoples opinions (as they too dont have to agree with mine). But I generally wanted to know what most people thought.

As I said earlier, I will go with the majority on here and make a donation from each child. As most people seem to think it is not appropriate to state how much is donated and feel it is up to me to donate whatever I want to, I will make a donation of £2.50 per child. Same outcome, different way of putting it across.

Oh, and regardless of what most people say, lots of parents give gifts because they want to show off. Not everyone, but lots do, and imo that means far less to a teacher, and teachers are not daft, they know who the showy ones are.

As for the comments from someone who says that 2 children take up twice the time, well, I dont agree, 2 well behaved children take up far less time than 1 very challenging child. Fact.

Thank you for such a funny thread.

nosey - funny in what way? if you are being sarcastic then please, carry on. I dont buckle on here and am not afraid to post in AIBU.

Its not a requirement of AIBU to accept the majority decision from the "in-crowd"

2 well behaved children take up far less time than 1 very challenging child

So, if both of your twins were challenging, would you then agree that you should pay £5 each? Or if one was challenging, but the other wasn't, would you give £5 for one and £2.50 for the other?

Sorry, just amusing myself now.

Vestibule - you are definitely one of the mums at my school that wont say boo to a goose but comes on full of confidence. Do you wanna be in my gang...??

*comes on here full of confidence

Vestibule, I have never thought about that, because I have never had to. I have lovely well behaved twins, thanks.

I think 5 per family is ample. anything more would be pushing it.

I'd probably only spend a fiver never mind how many kids I had in the class - triplets, quads or whatever. I think saying thank you is meaningful in itself and it doesn't really matter how much you spend as long as the appreciation is there.

I have lovely well behaved twins, thanks.

And no doubt that's down to your lovely, sunny nature.

No, not my sunny nature, just the way my dh & I have brought them up, not materialistic, nice to others, polite and well mannered. Its nothing extraordinary, but its lovely.

I dont understand why you would mock that. Is it not something you have experienced?