Should I pay double because I have twins?

[pinkandred]

My twins are in reception and one of the mums has made a suggestion that instead of everyone buying bits and bobs for the teacher as an end of term present that maybe we should all put in a fiver and either give her the money or get her some vouchers to spend on whatever she wants.

I'm happy to do this but its been made obvious (without saying it in so many words) that £10 is expected from me.

I would never expect not to pay for one of my children because they are twins but in this case, its not a fee or charge for something, its a gesture for the teacher and is presumably in most, if not all cases, coming out of the parents pocket rather than the child's.

Not all parents are contributing anyway as some either prefer not to or have already made their own arrangements. I know I dont need to contribute at all but I think on the whole its a good idea and it saves me buying something for £5 such as chocs/flowers. But, is it right that they are expecting me to contribute double?

So what do I do when both dc are taught by same teacher, but at different times because she covers different job shares in different year groups, and my dc happen to both have her? Same teacher, different dc, different collections, different year groups. Oh yes let them decide what they want to give which happens to be some handmade tat craft which might have some use. My children don't yet see the point of monetary gifts, so they thank them in the way they see fit. Opt out of the collection and do your own thing.

Oh and re tickets, if both dc are in the same show we only get two tickets even though they are in different classess as there are still only 2 parents, thank yous are addressed to Mrs 3db, and only one parent mail/letter for shared activities.

If you think your twins only had half the attention from the teacher as all other children, then you might want to think about complaining to the school that they were unfairly treated.

If you think they each had as much attention as any other child in the class, then it's two thank yous (one per child).

If you don't want to pay, fair enough (and I loathe these kinds of collections where expected amount is spelled out). But, like AdventuresWithVoles, I think the attempts to rationalise just don't stand scrutiny.

Adventures, thats a ridiculous thing to say, of course its not ok to give them half the effort and attention if I pay £5 instead of £10. I hardly think that any teachers give attention and effort to a child according to what gifts they receive. Your quote is an insult to teachers, they dont even expect gifts and they are certainly not given as payment for teaching a child.

A more expensive gift does not warrant extra attention. And she is paid to do her job regardless of gifts. What has happened to treating these end of school gifts as gestures.

I have twins and I am a teacher and I don't think you have to give anything! It shouldn't be expected that parents give gifts as it's hard enough financially anyway bringing up kids, let alone twins. If you want to give a present it should just come from you. LIke you say it's a gesture from you, not the other parents and not 'the twins.' I'd be mortified if I knew the parents of kids in my class felt pressured to give me something just for doing my job.

Adventures & Edith, can I ask you, if you are invited to an occassion as a family, do you buy presents from each individual in your family or do you buy one present and give it as a family gift?

Why does everything have to be so business like ie, 2 children/2 thank you's. Why is it not a gesture??

I totally agree, pinkandred. This is supposed to be a kind gesture - not something which can be reduced down to a stark 5 + 5 = 10. I'm amazed at how many of the replies to you OP are this calculating.

If you had 2 children and your sibling had 3 children and you decided to "chuck-in" to buy your parents a gift, would the sibling with 3 children be expected to contribute more in order to put an extra name on the card??

It really should just be a gesture. It's not some sort of performance related commission is it? If that's the case then the china labrador and the fake 'Angel' perfume I got two years ago speak volumes about the lack of attention of pay my students. I also got a toilet roll cover one year.

makes the box of chocolates that i give to each of my children look a bit rubbish if the teachers getting a £150 present!

do what you want.... you asked but don't look like you want to budge on your opinion which is fair enough.
give £5 and walk away.

Not read whole thread but think anyone at school hinting you pay double is being an arse.
None of their business. Put in what you wish and sign the card from both your twins. As you say- it is a gesture.

I have twins and personally I would give the £10 on the principle that they are 2 children and everyone else is contributing per child. But you obviously don't see it like that (and I don't think there's anything wrong with that, just a different way of looking at it), so I think you can either give the £5, on the basis you've suggested or opt out and get something from your children seperately.
I'm not clear if you feel its expected that you contribute twice - in which case I think you'd be perfectly entitled to explain to whoever's organising it the reasons you've outlined here - or you're worrying about it on a personal level, in which case I think you've clearly come to the conclusion you have through thining about it and that should be enough.
HTH

I think people would think it a bit wierd if you took 4 gifts to a wedding, but at Christmas for example each child will decide on a gift to give to grandparents etc. My children have different friends/parties, but each will take a gift to each different party, we just have twice as many parties to factor in. When they have been to party for twins, even though only invited by one of the twins, I send presents for both, and no cheaper than any other present, maybe you are assuming that people spend lots of money usually. I would say the ave present my dd have recieved costs 5 quid, bit more from a special friend maybe. Try not to over think it all, do what you feel is right, otherwise you will tie yourself in knots.

I am a teacher and the parent of triplets and agree with everything sammissatt has said. If I were you, I would opt out of the class present and do something myself if I wanted to thank the teacher.

Surely if you were getting something yourself you'd buy two gifts so both could take a present in? I'd be interested to know where you could buy two presents for £2.50 each!

"I shouldnt have to pay to thank her per child."

But the others are!

That said, I think 5GBP is too much.

Here the children have two form teachers & we give 50ctd/?1 per teacher per child.

Well spend what you want.
Why did you ask for opinions?
I probably won't give a sausage to DC teachers this year myself, but I'm not asking AIBU, am I?

Can only speak for myself: my family rarely receive gifts from us & it's a devil to think of anything they'd like (or DH's family would like), so I am rarely adverse to spending a LOT if I can think of anything, because I know they've spent so much on us in past. I would feel cruddy in myself if I didn't seize those opportunities to give something back, and quite a lot back, if I can afford it. DH thinks similar to you WRT gesture not value; BUT he is quite willing some yrs to spend huge amounts on his family if he thinks it's the right gift to give that yr. So it balances out in the end. You may not get those options with this same teacher.

No, diddl, its not a thank you per child. Its a gesture of thanks from them both. Not a set amount of money donated per child, a gesture of thanks, which means no more, or no less than if I gave £5 each. The amount of gratitude is the same.

Adventures, its quite sad that you think the level of gratitude shown is reflected in the amount of money spent.

I would gve double...your twins parents will have to buy TWO presents when your twins have a party right?

Having said that...it IS a bit much to state that everyone is giving a fiver...that's too much for some. I for instance am having to MAKE all my Dc teachers gifts this year...I don't even have a spare twenty to buy a lot of cheap chocs....

Pink....will you expect one gift and one card for your DC? When it's Christmas they will more than likely both get a card from friends...one each...and on birthdays, it is usual to buy two presents..one for each twin.
My sis has twins and she always makes TWO cakes...we give them a card aand a gift each...they are individuals.

When did it become the norm to 'tip' the teacher at the end of the school year?

Are teachers really getting gifts worth £150? I have only ever got gifts when leaving a school, not each year and give my own children's teacher (not twins but composite class) a bottle of wine. We have recently had a collection for her as she is retiring and everyone gave what they wanted to give. I gave £20 because I wanted to and could afford to and I think she is wonderful. Others may have afforded far less. The point was, it was the gesture that counted and no one was checking up on who paid what. Why not have a collection box for "donations" and everyone can put in what they want / can afford.

Alternatively, just a card. Teachers don't need expensive presents and it all sounds as if it has got a bit competitive and OTT.

"No, diddl, its not a thank you per child."

Well surely it is for those with just one in the class?

But, 5GBP is a suggestion-give what you want-or don´t participate!