Should I pay double because I have twins?

[pinkandred]

My twins are in reception and one of the mums has made a suggestion that instead of everyone buying bits and bobs for the teacher as an end of term present that maybe we should all put in a fiver and either give her the money or get her some vouchers to spend on whatever she wants.

I'm happy to do this but its been made obvious (without saying it in so many words) that £10 is expected from me.

I would never expect not to pay for one of my children because they are twins but in this case, its not a fee or charge for something, its a gesture for the teacher and is presumably in most, if not all cases, coming out of the parents pocket rather than the child's.

Not all parents are contributing anyway as some either prefer not to or have already made their own arrangements. I know I dont need to contribute at all but I think on the whole its a good idea and it saves me buying something for £5 such as chocs/flowers. But, is it right that they are expecting me to contribute double?

It just comes down to whether you feel the contribution is from your family as a whole or from your children as individuals. There is no right or wrong answer, just different views on it.

FWIW, I would give a more expensive wedding gift if dh and I were going as a couple than I would if I were going on my own as a single. Especially if one of us was going as a plus one where one of us was much closer to the hosts than the other, because there would be two wage packets to draw from instead of just one. It's family money obviously, but we would bear in mind that it costs more to host two of us than it does to host one regardless of the fact that that is not what gifts are supposed to be based on.

Pay the tenner and don't be such a tightwad. You'll be asking for means testing next!

I'd tell the collector that you think it's bonkers that you're giving such a lot of money and the children will give their own gift.

I think it's mental that you're giving so much (collectively) by way of a thank you and I'm married to a teacher!

From what you say, it doesn't sound like you are treating the children separately - at least in this case. I was close in age to my sister, but would have hated to be the only child not giving a present and being fobbed off with a card!!

I do agree with comments that you shouldn't be bullied into contributing to a class collection at all, though teachers I know would prefer to have one nice present rather than 30 £5 tacky ones. But if you are going to join in, then I think you should definitely contribute to on behalf of both children. I would prefer to see a system where everyone anonymously donates whatever they deem appropriate though (like an office collection).

I think I would just put £5 in and say it was from the whole family. £5 sounds more than enough to me.

Phyllis, my children are not sad to not be able to hand in 2 presents. And not all children in class will be doing so anyway. I hope I have brought them up well enough not to be so shallow as to think its all about how much you give rather than the thought.

Phyllis, its quite sad that you feel that giving a teacher a card is being "fobbed off", I think its nice to give a card.

Give a fiver!

PhyllisDoris I think you must get in the mindset of thinking of the twins as two separate entities and not as "the twins". Everything will cost double - but would be the same as having two children at different times.

Every part of this comment is ridiculous.

pinkandred its a shame there are not more twin mums on here as I think most people in this particular situation would think that £5 is acceptable, not because its all you can afford, but because its a gesture from the family to say thank you. If you had two different children in two different classes, then yes, it would be £5 per child, but thats not the case.

OP you know what you're going to do. Do enough people agree with you yet?

Seriously just give what you want to give and let your twins do a card each which sounds much nicer

Not really the point but putting in £5 each!! It there are 30 children in a class that would be £150! This whole teachers present thing is getting out of hand.

I don't think you should put in twice because it's a gift from your family to the teacher

My DT's are only 2 so we dont have this problem yet - Flisspaps had a good idea. I think I would buy /make our own gift/s.

My twins are 9, but have only once been taught by the same teacher, so have only faced this dilemma once. My solution would be to opt out of the class present totally - if whoever's organising is more or less demanding a set amount from you, that would be reason enough for me. I would choose a small, thoughful present from each child (and a separate card or note from each too), and spend as much or as little as I wanted.

Birthday party issue - in our house each twin invites a certain number of children to their joint party, and it's widely known amongst the parents that they don't need to buy a present for the other twin as well.

The mum of the twins in our reception class makes sure both boys give a separate gift, or a gift with a few parts to it, so each boy has chosen parts of it. She also contributes for each child to anything going. A present for a teacher, would be from each child.

If they were just collecting, and it was up to the parent, I would expect a bit more, but not double. But if I were putting in, I would probably put in double because of other parent's attitudes.

Interestingly though, at nursery people tend to contribute as a family, because they are more likely to have two children (of different ages) there at the same time.

When both my DSs are invited to a party I sometimes buy 1 present, but spend more on it. If it's someone they know well they will get separate presents, but maybe on a similar theme. I never spend less on them than I would on individuals. (Same goes for December/January birthdays, separate present and never less than I would at a different time of year!) If I go to a joint party of friends, I usually buy the same or same type of present for both (pink and blue lego boxes anyone?! ).

I haven't bought for twins yet, but if I was I would probably buy a present each, but something that can be played with individually but can also be joined together - different lego kits but on the same theme (like star wars), different sections of a marble run, etc

Twin mum here also, £5 fine. I'm not at this stage yet with my twins so I hadn't considered it but its the 'suggestion' that would piss me off.

Still loving the comments on doing this is not treating the twins as individuals??? There is more to raising twins than this type of issue.

I would opt out personally, and make/buy something from you as a family. More personal that way and less playground politics to deal with.

i have never got a teacher a present,really dont get all this buying them stuff :?

If should be a voluntary contribution not a set amount. £5 if you can afford it seems reasonable to me.

Mine are in seperate classes so I'd have to pay for each of them, but in your situation I would give a fiver.

Last year the suggested contribution was £10 per child and I refused as I think giving the teacher almost £300 in vouchers is ridiculous No doubt I'm marked as the tight wad.

Birthday party issue: for school friends, both mine take a present. For DCs we know well its one present from all of us (I wouldn't give my nephew 4 presents for instance)

Pink you anbu. I think it is mad that a £5 per child collection is going on at all tbh - let each parent decide with their individual children what they wish to give to their teachers. Last year I had my children decorate gift bags for their teachers each one contained a chocolate orange and a homemade card - I have 2 chidren at the same primary and both were in classes with two teachers (job share). If I had to fork out for class collections for each teacher I would have had to contribute £20.

The effort and enjoyment that went into the gift bags and cards far outweighed a monetary gift (imo), so I will do the same this year. Do what you feel comfortable with op. Good luck.

I would be interested to see what would happen in a blind test - a collection for the teacher but with no value associated with it. I wonder how many parents would actually choose to put a fiver in. I wish sometimes at school they would just say ' we are doing a collection' and leave out the 'and we suggest a fiver'

I would give what you can afford and don't offer any explanations, just 'here is my donation'. I agree, you don't have to buy a gift at all and you certainly shouldn't be made to feel you have to pay double as there is nothing to pay for!

in this case its 1 teacher, and one thank you from me

So it would be okay by you if the teacher only gave each of your DC half the effort & half the attention that she gave any non-twins in the class?

No, no, no. Pay what you want. But don't justify it on those grounds.

How good has the teacher been this year?