to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

Nailak, the way I see it, when you are old enough to pay for your meal or cook it, you decide what to eat. If so one else has to pay or cook it for you, you eat what is put in front of you.

Good manners are taught early on, and IMO, it is pretty core good manners not to fuss over food. It is different, of course, if one is allergic or if there are moral or religious reasons reasons. Otherwise, IMO, it is boorish and uncouth to be fussy about food.

Get THROUGH!

In our house new foods are encouraged by allowing Ds1 to just give them a kiss. it allows the child to explore the smell and texture without worrying that they will be made to eat it. Pre-school suggested this, i was sceptical but tried it, it's been a revelation! implemented same policy at my nursery and seen a child who only eat's crackers at nursery and cold microwave meals at home add 5 new foods in 6 weeks

Children don't really have the choice to buy and cook their own food, so thats a ridiculous argument IMO

Yeah the kiss thing works really well.

QuickLookBusy - I made oven baked risotto tonight. DD ate the smoked haddock (quite strong taste) but refused to eat the rice (plain risotto rice), what would you do with a contrary child like that?!

op, you were 100% right. at the table, children should be polite and well-behaved. your daughter could have followed your house rule, had one piece of beetroot and left the rest. it is hard to maintain discipline when a child kicks off. you've done well, and she'll thank you when she is a welcome guest in other people's homes.

"the way I see it, when you are old enough to pay for your meal or cook it, you decide what to eat. If so one else has to pay or cook it for you, you eat what is put in front of you."

Don't you think that is abit harsh??

my kids would happily live on fruit, yoghurt, toast, sandwhiches, which they would get/make themselves then although me/dh would be buying still.

but i agree that when older you should be grateful and eat what is in front of you, and that is what i would do out of respect even if i didnt like it.

she will hate beetroot for the rest of her life

why battle with a 6yr old though, sounds like you were stressed perhaps because GPs were there?

I usually try changing the subject, oh look there's a cat/did granny tell you about such and such...

wouldnt have put her dinner in the bin tho, would have fed it to GP's or sthing at least, what a waste of a meal

"Good manners are taught early on"
Surely you can see that good manners would start by not FORCING a person to eat somthing they do not want.
Children are people after all!!

sorry rabbitee that "bog off" wasn't directed at you by the way that's what I'd like to tell my parents to do :o

Headfairy, nothing wrong with a pizza. Perfect thing to order in PizzaExpress. But the deli counter of an upscale health food store has loads of interesting food from all over the world. Perfect opportunity to try something different, no?

It is like going to an Indian or Chinese and ordering chips and sauce, or something. Why bother to go to an Indian/Chinese then, iyswim?

Thank you Lovebunny.

I do want them to be welcome in other houses. We have friends in/from many different countries and cultures so my dcs need to eat a wide range of foods.

OH I see your point flatbread :o

To be honest wouldn't bother me, I'd enjoy something lovely and tasty while they had their pizza. Their loss :o

You reap what you sow with children and eating. Everything should be tried but insistence on finishing everything avoided at an early age.

I'm generally with the OP. I cannot stand theatrics in children as regards food. You indulge it you're asking for trouble in later years.

A child's palette is a blank canvas, the more you expose it to the better. Children's education on food in this country is an absolute disgrace, and a lot of parents attitudes are not much better.

OP , you're damned if you do , your damned if you don't . I'm sure you'll get 'evidence' proving you right and wrong from various posters . You'll be creating issues with food and offending those who have restricted eating habits , and you'll be doing your daughter no harm , as it did others no harm when they were kids. Have faith and do what you think is right for your home and family.

Thinking about the tantrum thing a bit more... I wouldn't have tolerated the tantrum at the table either Greenwheelie... I'm with you on that one. But my response may have been to have dispatched from the table so we could continue our meal, then quietly sat dd down after everyone had finished to have the bits of her meal she did want to eat.

I say may because it's all very well being so wise when you're not actually dealing with a raging child. Much harder to remain calm when you're facing it.

I think usually parents know where the 'food line' is and sometimes either party crosses it! I try to get DS to try all sorts of things - I like cooking and trying out new recipes/ingredients. Usually he is curious and tries it - I just have to convince him sometimes (you ate it all the time when your were a baby).

I was one of those kids who ate virtually anything (even kippers at a friend's house when I was little - now that was really really nasty).

If I didn't like anything, mum usually said 'oh well, your tastes change, so you'll probably like it when you grow up'. Other times she'd say 'eat it or else'. She was a child during WW2 so had a very different attitude to food than we do now. She was a great cook and we loved eating out with our parents, so they'd take us out every week to a some nice places.

What we had tonight is actually not that typical as my my parents were here. They are not fussy as such but only like "plain" foods, so the scampi was for them really. I am very into cooking and trying new recipes and the dcs are used to that and happily eat up spicy curries, any kind of fish or meat, any fruit and most veg. Beetroot is not strange or bad!

Beetroot is yum and super healthy! But then, I was an unfussy child about food and so was perfectly happy with the rule that we had to eat what was served. We controlled how much to put on our plates and were encouraged to take only a bit at first and then seconds.

The tantrum would of not been an issue if the beetroot was removed as it would not of happened.
A six year old throwing a tantrum like the op decribes is abit scary however as six is a tad bit old to be doing things like that .
Yet again force feeding and sending upstairs will result in problems like that i guess.

I myself have had no problems with food issues. As a babies my children had a wide variety of foods and eat everything now however my youngest does not like garden peas :) but they have all been there at one point stating they do not want/like somthing i have always told them okay eat around it then lol and it seems to have done the trick because they would be eating it the next time.

I think she just needs to get used to it, like she has done with many other foods.

But like I've said many times, it was her behaviour that was the issue.