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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

869 replies

greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 18:27

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 18/06/2012 20:53

I don't get how you can control what food other people like. Your DCs sound like they eat a great variety of food already, so does it matter if she doesn't like beetroot?

Original poster
greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 20:53

Sunshine do you really think 6 year olds never have tantrums? My 9yo can still give it a good go.

OP posts:
cabbagesoup · 18/06/2012 20:53

I think you did really well under the circumstances, I have a strong willed boy who went to bed without tea recently and he moaned about not wanting what I'd served, pushed his plate away and refused to eat, so I gave him till the count of 10 to eat something... this is a tea he would normally eat.

So he refused crying sobbing and got sent to bed at 5.30 with no tea, he went straight to sleep and woke up at 7am starving!! I was very tempted to keep his meal for breakfast Grin but he was in a lovely mood and it's never been mentioned again!

It wasn't about the food just a battle of wills a week on and he's eating well and hasn't repeated the preformance, so fingers crossed!

Sparks1 · 18/06/2012 20:54

Lots of people don't like beetroot. It's one of those foods that can cause a strong reaction. You might not think it's strange or bad but your dd does. Why are you insisting on invalidating how she feels about it?

I don't think the OP was invalidating at all. The child's behaviour was unacceptable for a start.

You get feeble over issues like this and you get what you deserve imo.

Original poster
greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 20:54

No, it doesn't really matter. But I know if she was in a different mood she would try it without a fuss. She's not fussy.

OP posts:
dittany · 18/06/2012 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunshine401 · 18/06/2012 20:57

greenwheelie -- A full on making herself sick at 6 NO! A moody then yes but there is a big difference!! :)

usualsuspect · 18/06/2012 20:57

I think the Op caused the tantrum by insisting her DD ate the beetroot.

But we all handle things differently, I cba to have a full scale war over a bit of beetroot.

Sunshine401 · 18/06/2012 20:57

However like i pointed out it was probs because she was being forced to eat somthing she simply did not want

Original poster
greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 20:58

I don't remember if my parents forced me to eat. I remember being praised for cleaning my plate. Mainly I remember lots of processed/tinned junk that tasted horrible and contained very little nutrition. It's a wonder I have any immune system at all tbh and I find it very important to feed my dcs properly. The never get processed muck to eat apart from at my parents' house.

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 18/06/2012 20:59

How many tantrums does your 9 year old have? How many are related to food ?
What other 'rules' do you have with regards your relationship with your parents?

Mintyy · 18/06/2012 21:00

I don't understand why people think the op "did well" when there was a tantrum, a fuss, a scene, the entire meal got chucked out and her dd went to bed hungry!

What's to congratulate in that scenario Confused?

Original poster
greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 21:01

My 9yo's tantrums are related to his personality! Not food.

Rules with my parents.....um, not sure totally relevant....they are nice and good people but it's all rather superficial. Can't talk about emotion etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 21:03

Should specify - looking back on my childhood the processed food was horrid but at the time I thought it was ok because it was all I knew.

OP posts:
Rabbitee · 18/06/2012 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparks1 · 18/06/2012 21:04

*I don't understand why people think the op "did well" when there was a tantrum, a fuss, a scene, the entire meal got chucked out and her dd went to bed hungry!

What's to congratulate in that scenario ?*

The fact the child will now know that behaviour is unacceptable perhaps?

If a child is hungry they will eat. It's hardly starvation and malnourishment is it...

Sunshine401 · 18/06/2012 21:04

greenwheelie -- I would like to point out that no one has said they let their children eat unhealthy they are saying they do not force a child to eat somthing they do not want.
Its not like Child says "mummy I do not want these carrots"
And mummy replies "okay sweetheart lets go get Mcdonalds"
lol
Its just a matter of letting them get on with the parts of the meal they want thats all :)

singingsoprano · 18/06/2012 21:07

YABU! Why not put a small piece seperately to try, instead of putting in the salad?
Do you eat all foods. or do you choose what you like? It all seems petty to me and could lead to further unecessarry batlles.

ladyfirenze · 18/06/2012 21:08

jesus christ! op's only human... I tink there's some mega harsh answers here. I hate food fuckwittery. No child ever died from missing one dinner, and if she was acting up while op's (frankly unsupportive) parents were around, it's no surprise to me that the op chucked her tea. Listen op, don't stress about it too strict. Far better that your dd sees you putting boundaries in place, than being a pushover. You can always rethink your strategies for next time, if you feel you want to do things differently. I don't think beating yourslf up is the way forward here. You did what you thought was best at the time, and you are reflecting on your actions afterwards. That tells me you're a decent sentient mama trying your best to do right by your child. That is worth applauding, and long may it continue!

getupgo · 18/06/2012 21:08

your dcs will eat 'a wide range of foods' if they are with their friends from other countries, they are human beings, not robots and you do not own them!

and because the umbilical cord was cut, remember? they will mimic their peers, enjoy the food

BUT they wont eat the wide range of foods you insist on, if you are there for every mouthful, pushing, goading,forcing them

to make you look better

sounds like your standards are the issue here. food = control? much?

I grew up with a mother who battled every mealtime, slopped the food down, yelled, sulked, forced, belitted...you get the picture. Consequently, all 3 of us HATE eating a meal with her to this day. the domestic atmosphere with her from back then is too much of a memory

positive home/kitchen atmosphere=positive sensory environment
positive love of food=positive sensory experience

please give your DD lots of hugs tomorrow

1950sHousewife · 18/06/2012 21:09

Greenwheelie - I've not read the whole thread but I want to give you a tiny salute. I wish I had enforced that rule of trying everything just a little bit. Had I done so then I wouldn't have two darling little fussy buggers on my hands.

Probably though, I would relax the rule just a little bit when there are guests because it is a bit ugly to see bit rows at the table, even if the guests are family (this, of course, does not apply if said family are over quite a bit. In which case I think you are doing an admirable job).

Can I ask you - when are your children allowed to definitively say the definitely do not like something and are allowed to not eat it? I can't abide beetroot (but adore it's uglier cousin - the gherkin) and would get v pissy if someone tried to make me eat it.

ladyfirenze · 18/06/2012 21:09

And for what it's worth - using terms like 'forced to eat' is insidious and nasty. She wasn't tube feeding her! Having expectation is very different to being forced! Chuh!

Rabbitee · 18/06/2012 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goldenbear · 18/06/2012 21:12

Now that's gratitude for you. You're talking about manners and respect and here you are as an adult slagging off your parents.

You sound like my MIL she always insists in giving my DS food he doesn't like and then can't understand why we don't make him eat it!

He loves fruit and veg and will ask for a melon pot over another sweet thing. However, oddly he is not a big carb fan- he will eat carbs but will probably have about 2 tablespoons and leave the rest. He didn't used to be like this as a toddler but there is no way I'm going to force him to have a reasonable portion for his age.

Sparks1 · 18/06/2012 21:12

Oh FFS. So now a root vegetable has potentially caused childhood mental scarring?

Seriously, before you know it potatoes will be creating issues for life...