to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

About to eat!

I don't like my dcs to announce they don't like a food someone has made. I tell them it's one of those thoughts that can "stay in your head" along with "my brother is an idiot" and all the other insults.

It's the way I was brought up I suppose.

What about in a resturant though? Slight tangent here but my parents get very sensitive and huffy if everyone doesn't love all of the food if we go out to eat. I managed to cause an atmosphere recently by stating an opinion that I would prefer to go to one chinese restaurant over another as I thought the food was awful at the second one last time we went. For some reason they were offended that I said that (maybe because it had been their idea?), however like I said before I could start another thread about their behaviour....

If someone is treating me to a meal or, or even if we are going Dutch, but a friend chose the place, I tend to keep any negative comments about the food to myself.

I have taken friends out for a meal and when they complain about the food, I secretly think they are ungrateful twits

Twats, I meant, of course

Yes definitely agree it's rude to say it at the time, but this was recently and we haven't been to that nasty place for a year at least. And I said it very diplomatically. Anyway....

DS had a mini-fit when he saw his dinner as he thought it was the same offending cream sauce from last night. He needed a few minutes to "think" then he sat down and ate. 3 clean plates!

This had all been very interesting for me as I love anything to do with food and cooking. I guess it's my own food issue in reaction my junk/processed food upbringing, that is, I hate anything that isn't good quality food nowadays, I feel it's like calories for nothing.

I find that strangely offensive too, ivykaty, even online!

You often see it.

Someone innocently posts "I am having omelettes tonight" and someone else's contribution is "oh eggs, VOM".

Not naice and not necessary.

differentname - yes, I would eat anything put in front of me out of politeness, and I fully expect my kids to do the same. There are some instances when just taking a bite is enough, for example, I was in China on business recently and was served up ducks foot and intestine. I ate the intestine, but just did one bite of the foot - I really couldn't manage anymore. However, had I refused, it would have been a real insult, and although our cultures are very different - I think they come down to the same brass tacks. When someone bothers to take you out to a restaurant/cook you a meal, you eat it - regardless. There are 7 hungry mouths in my house and I cook 1 meal for everyone, and everyone has the same on their plate. My DH hates veg, DS2 is not a big meat fan, DS3 detests peas. I could go on. However, they eat those things regardless as they are part of a balanced meal. We don't fight/argue about it - it's just what is done, along with being grateful that we are fortunate enough to be able to put a meal on the table every day. I would say, IMHE, that too much choice is likely to make a child picky/fussy. If a meal is placed in front of them of an evening and they are expected to eat it, and everyone is eating the same it is unlikely that there will ever really be an issue....

I don't think you are being unreasonable as I have a very similar (middle) DD but I don't tend to be as strict when we have guests....

I think parents (you included OP) need to be careful about playing the food critic when you go out because little ears are listening many times, and what they pick up from your remarks is that it's fine to make derogatory remarks about food. You can't turn around at home and impose a rule about rudeness that you yourself don't adhere to when you're out.

They are not always able to distinguish the idea of being a customer in a restaurant from 'person whose food is served to them' at home -- basically the only difference where they are concerned is that a waiter or waitress dressed in black trousers and a white shirt serves them when they are out while the waitress at home wears what mum usually does. So why not do what mum and dad did at the restaurant, and pick apart the way the steak was under or overcooked, the veggies still frozen in the middle, etc.?

I also think if someone is taking you out and they are as close as family, then you can say you prefer another restaurant (as long as the prices are about the same) without criticising the one you don't like. You can say you absolutely love X dish and you think they do it really well at the favourite restaurant. If you are allowing yourself to say you think the food is awful at the first one, then you are doing something you don't want the children to do.

After all, if you spent your time talking about people behind their backs at home and not in a complimentary way, within earshot of the children, would it surprise you if the children developed a negative attitude towards the people they had heard talked about, or started gossiping negatively about others too?

I think there is a huge difference between routinely forcing a child to eat something that the parents know they don't like, and the way the OP responded to the whiny drama-llama behaviour of her DD when faced with a food she has eaten before.

The first --> potential food issues
The second --> teach the DD not to be a drama-llama at mealtimes or you get, ultimately, after a couple of warnings, no dinner.

I think also there is an awful lot of projection going on on this thread.

As an adult, you are usually aware of what the menu is & get a choice as to say "sorry, but I really don't like xyz" before you are presented with the food. If I have friends for dinner, I make sure everyone knows what I am cooking & that they like it. If someone doesn't, I'll redo the menu. I would rather they be honest with me & eat something they like, than eat something under polite sufferance & feel ill/don't eat it all & feel hungry!

At a restaurant, you generally choose your own food, so that really isn't an argument.

Yes, if you are popping round a friends for tea (although to be honest I would still just serve it up, thank God I don't have any fussy friends!!), but weddings/public events/dinner parties?? People don't go round everyone asking what they do and don't like!? It's just FOOD!

Raffles - that must be really tough finding things to eat (savoury anyways) with that list! Do you mean that if your parents had challenged your palate a bit more you might feel less restricted now?

If we have people round for dinner I usually ask if there are any allergies/real 'hates' and go from there. I am v v unfussy, but completely understand people having a few things they really don't like - or obviously someone having and allergy, or choosing to be veggie. I have to be honest though, and say the couple of really fussy people we have had round (given me a huge list of what they don't like, and then still didn't eat what I had prepared - even though it complied with the list - because it was food they hadn't encountered before....) have not been invited back. As someone who loves food I do feel sorry for people who are restricting themselves in this way. Fine to be discrimating because of quality of food, or health reasons (i.e choosing healthy options)....but because you are 'scared' of what it might taste like? Missing one of life's great pleasures, IMHO

conorsrockers, you speak sense! I grew up in a 'here's your tea, everyone's having the same, sit down and eat it' environment and have never been fussy. And I wouldn't dream of making faces/voicing dislike of any food that anyone served me.

The fussiest and rudest person around food I've ever known (announcing loudly how much she dislikes things when they're served to her, making 'yuck' faces and noises at being passed a shared bowl of something she doesn't like) was very indulged and fussed over as a child, made different things if she decided she didn't like the first offering etc. I'm not saying this is always the case, or that a different approach will always work perfectly, but I'm sure there's a connection.

Just tripped over this .....

www.flutterbyes.co.uk/dinner-choices-plaque-p-600.html?page=2

Love that! I have been known to remind children about the only choice which is "eat or don't".

Love that plaque!

lol we have that plaque, eat it or leave it is the choice in this house as well!