to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

yabu, children are people, they are allowed to not like things, have you never been put off anything because of the appearance of it? she didnt like the look of beetroot. so if she has a varied diet elsewhere what is the issue?

Well I think having chosen your battle you had to see it through.., so in a way yanbu. But then I think yabu to pick a battle over food in the first place. Scampi, wedges and salad without beetroot is a perfectly reasonable meal for a 6yo!

Not what I would have done but YANBU if that is how you feel you should discipline your child.

FWIW a friend of mine was a very willful child but also had a willful father, she refused to eat a meal when she was 7 or 8 and she was given this meal for breakfast, lunch and finally dinner the following day. To her father's consternation she refused to touch it for each of those meals and he finally had to back down and give her something else. This was a very strong memory for her - winning the battle of wills with her dad.

I've always felt that there is no point in turning meals into a "battle of wills". If your child is willful then she will probably win in the end because you won't want her to be hungry.

My willful friend continued to be willful but that has led her to be very successful in life. She demands a lot from herself and usually achieves it.

I accept kids don't like certain things, but I think they have to try little bits now and again to get used to new foods. My other 2 dcs are not dead keen on beetroot but they ate a bit as they know the rule. I love it and feel I should be able to include it in meals occasionally! But like I said, it wasn't really about the beetroot.

Children will often say they don't like a food before they've even tried it. The rule to try a tiny bite isn't mean, it's teaching them to try new foods!

I say to my dc you must try it - you don't have to eat a huge amount, you don't even have to swallow it if you really dislike it you can put it in kitchen roll in the bin.

But don't tell me you don't like a certain food when you've never tried it.

Yes but there's a difference between asking someone to try something and mixing it in with their dinner.

It does sound a bit of a strong reaction for me but then I'm soft wary of making issues around food. I ask ds to try things, even just a lick or a sniff will satisfy me, but the rest of the meal is not dependent on it.

Why does everyone else have to eat beetroot for you to include it in a meal? I love beetroot but no-one else in the family does, I still buy it and eat it. DH loves pickled onions, if he insisted I eat them because he likes them he'd have one hell of a fight on his hands. I think the whole situation could have been handled better by you and her to be honest.

We were also advised not to withhold desert as a punishment for not eating other food. It teaches them that the other food is just something horrible you have to get through to got to the nice stuff . . . desert!

Its all about encouraging a healthy relationship with food and to be interested in it in a good way, rather then it being matter of battles which could contribute to an eating disorder later on.

To be fair to the poor child, beetroot is utterly disgusting. It's not the most appetising thing for a six year old to eat. How stressful and uptight meal times sound in your house.

Maybe "well, eat the rest of your dinner then" would have been a relatively fuss-free response to her not wanting to eat the beetroot and then maybe tackle the beetroot trying at the end of the meal.

YABVU

Utterly ridiculous to send her to bed hungry and upset and to throw good food in the bin.

Yes encourage children to try new things but you behaved way over the top.

If she had said I don't want to try it you would have still forced her to, hence the drana, pick your battles

Drama *

It was the way she was behaving rather than the not eating. I have never forced my dcs to eat but they love a yoghurt or some fruit after dinner which they are not allowed if they don't eat some of everything on their plate. I appreciate everyone does this differently but this way has worked pretty well for us.

I couldn't ask me Dad what he would have done as that kind of open discussion is against the "rules" of our relationship, but I know what he would have done - lots of cajoling, bribing and attention to get me to eat.

Completely avoidable. Hate the rule too.

I think as the op said previously though, this wasn't about the beetroot. I have a very demanding dd and sometimes I don't handle situations in the best way possible because I'm so fed up of the constant compromise and negotiation it takes to keep her on an even keel for every little thing.

She won't starve from be missed meal. If you made the threat and followed through in it, that shows consistency. However when I've find similar I have felt terribly guilty afterwards!

It is the classic chose your battles though. I used to fight with dc1 over meals. Now I'm into dc4 I generally can't be arsed as it doesn't seen to have made a difference in the long run.

Rules like this are a sure fire way to give her a lifetime of issues with food.

Really bad move.

I think also dd was being attention-seeking and it needed to be nipped in the bud.

I think what you're doing (or rather the way you went about it) is totally counter productive.

You're supposed to make kids feel unafraid to try new foods

Not attach conditions to them.

So, OP, you could have got round the not even trying beetroot by simply denying fruit or yoghurt as according to your own rules. Removing the dinner was OTT considering you allready have a rule in place for those who dont try everything on their plate.

I dnt think YABU OP. DD (4) tried a stunt like this tonight. Made chicken curry and despite having had the same thing a million times she claimed she didn't like it. I told her to leave, bt nothing else til tmrw. However, in our house I do give the option of re-heating food.

DD chose after 10 mins to actually eat the curry. If she hadn't she wouldv'e gone to bed "starving".

So on that note YANBU for sending her to bed, but YABU to have thrown it away.

Yes they have to try it if they are going to get used to it, but you do not by any means have to force them to do that! You can just put it on their plate along with other things you know they do like and eventually they will touch it, smell it, pick it up and then taste it. Even if its just a lick. They then may eat a little bit and on and on. That's the natural way for a child to get used to a food. They explore it. Much more about the child discovering it and exploring it then being forced to put it in their mouth under the threat of having no "nice" food (desert) that day.

I just dont like the whole "disciplining a strong-willed child", "nipping it in the bud". Doesnt sit right with me.