to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

I wouldn't say she's having a fussy phase even, just a dramatic phase (long phase). On a different day she would have just sat down and ate the offending food item.

Don't worry she won't get it for breakfast. And I expect she will have totally forgotten about this evening. I am also quite surprised at all the "food issues" comments!

Familiessharegerms that all sounds very familiar!

I can understand your frustration and think the 'DD will starve' attitude from your parents is ridiculous, but I also think this was a case of picking your battles and probably one that was better left well alone.

TBH it really wouldn't be difficult to include beetroot in your salad and leave it out of the DC's would it? I'd also suggest that if you want them to try new things it would be better to do it when you don't have guests for dinner.

As for throwing the meal in the bin - it could be worse...my granddad used to make my uncle go to the end of the garden and eat his dinner in the outside loo if he misbehaved at mealtimes!

she was over tired and behaving like an overtired child. in this situation i would have probably recognised that nothing good would come out of a battle of wills with a tired child, and tried to better the childs mood, rather then pushing them to act even more unreasonably.

I would never ever force a child to eat anything.My dh used to insist they have one bite and to this day [aged 37 and 42] neither can face brussels sprouts.

No child is willingly going to starve unless they some more serious issue.

CailinDana - And just how do you find out if there is a serious issue? DS1 at 20 months became very ill with tonsillitis. As a result of a great many foods hurting him he stopped eating completely, prefering just to drink milk. This continued even after he got over the tonsillitis. He lost almost 2 kg in weight, and simply refused to eat. We had to force him to eat. I didn't enjoy it, but it had to be done and I would do the same again.

He is still unlikely to try new foods unless he absolutely has to. Trying to gently persuade him to try new foods didn't work. For the next 2 years his diet was incredibly limited and probably quite unhealthy. I don't physically force anymore, but have the firm rules. The improvement since the rules have been in place has been dramatic. I make sure I only introduce new foods every now and then, so it's not a weekly or even a monthly thing that he faces.

I didn't realise she was tired until I put her in bed and she fell asleep really quickly.

When I made the dinner I ddn't even think about what went into the salad, I just put in what we had in the fridge as I always do. Really can't be bothered with who likes this and that in a family of 5!

Do you give yourself food you don't like then?

ChitChat - that's exactly what I mean by a more serious issue. In your DS's case, if he would willingly starve then there most definitely is a more serious issue, and I would guess it's down to the pain he experienced when he had tonsilitis. He needs you to control the situation because his judgement is skewed by his past experience. You can't let a child waste away to nothing. That's not a danger with the OP's daughter.

So if you're not bothered about who likes this and that, why not put the salad in the middle and allow them a choice about what to eat? Why have a rule that they have to eat everything? It sounds like you want to decide what they like and don't like rather than not being bothered.

I would always be aware when my DS is tired, even though he can't say it. How come you didn't notice your DD was tired - was it not obvious?

I would eat whatever someone else cooked for me, yes. The dcs get to choose what I cook sometimes, but not always, obviuosly. That would be silly.

yanbu, it wasnt about the food it was about the behaviour, fake vomiting and big drama at the table in our house would result in being sent away to calm down, the opportunity to come back and eat nicely and if they dont then yes they will go to bed without any dinner.

she could have sat and eaten the rest of her food and not the beetroot, she chose not to and so had nothing.

i have 3 kids, i know who likes what, doesnt stop me putting something i know one of them doesnt like in the meal, i just let them take it out, or cut it so fine they cant see, like grated carrot in the dhal etc.

You were way over the top.

I don't like that rule at all.

I'm an adult and there are certain foods I would never try (not many, but still some) based purely on what I can see of them. I have never, for example, eaten a prawn. And I never will. I DON'T want one in my mouth, I don't care how nice anyone else things they are. The sight of them makes me feel ill.

Who are you to violate how a child feels about putting something in their body? It's not your body, it's hers. You don't own her.

I said I can't be bothered taking everyone's likes and dislikes into account at every meal, not "I'm not bothered who eats what".

I didn't notice dd was more tired than usual, no.

I agree that food should not be a reward or punishment, but the rule to try things is not exactly harsh.

Taking a plate away when the child is throwing a tantrum rather than eating is not using food as punishment, though she was obviously to tired to eat. Happens to my DD as well, and I do the same. Your child is already asleep you win!

YWNBU

If you don't encourage a child to try new things then you are potentially setting them up to be incredibly fussy eaters :(

My cousin is terrible for this. 'I don't like that' 'I can't eat that' 'I'll be sick'

How do you know if you've never tried it? Honestly if it isn't junk food he's terrified to eat it without a lot of encouragement and well dones. Once you've convinced him to try it and he discovers he likes it he's incredibly proud of himself. If only his mum would continue this and not leave it to me when he stays with us and his dad when he goes there

I think theres a way to get children to try new foods without causing beetroot gate tbh.

well the problem with your cousin is lack of variety of food available in his house obviously?

Sounds like the time we had 'sweetpotato war'.

It just got out of hand (anyone remember Spy Vs Spy?). I completely lost it - end of a long, hard week and we were both not in the mood to back down. He really isn't a fussy eater! Very silly! The next day we came to a deal that I would make whatever he wanted to eat with sweet potato - he chose soup and that is how his favourite recipe was born.

YANBU - DD was being a drama queen. DD wanted control, OP didn't give it to her.

So all of you who let their dcs choose what they eat, do they willingly sit down and devour all their veggies? Because in my experience given the choice most kids would rather just eat the meat and pasta/potatoes/rice. We often have kids over to eat and they never want to eat the vegetables. I tell them they have to if they want dessert, and they usually do!

I agree with you OP, YANBU.

I would not have let her continue the drama either.

I remember when my DD1 was 18 months old, my dad was visiting. I gave her a bisuit, she refused point blank to say 'ta'. I took the biscuit off her. Dad was worried about the 'poor little maid' being 'so upset'. I did not give in.

When she started pre school a year later the comment I got when picking her up was 'She was the only child whosaid please and thank you without being reminded'.