to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

So she has had beetroot before and she was telling you she can't stand it.

Why did you want her to 'try a bit' then?

JustFab, I would just ignore. There is usually more than one thing on a plate, if they want to leave something, but eat the rest, then fine. If they are still hungry they would have bread and butter/jam.

If for instance as in this case it was beetroot, I would just leave that off the plate at the next meal and give them extra cucumber/pepper.
If I wanted them to try something new I would always put it in a bowl so they could help themselves.

I hated beetroot as a child, the thought of someone forcing me to eat it. Why should she try everything on her plate anyway? There is a chance you are teaching her to "swallow" things she does not like to keep the peace - not a good lesson I would have thought in life.

That said, its sometimes difficult to not take it personally when children are fussy about food, believe me I know. But if you can keep a grip of the situation, not take it personally, it is best not to take it personally and ignore instead. Easier said than done, but doing so gets nowhere really, and can cause more ishoos IMO.

I wasn't forcing her to eat it! She could have chosen not to, and eaten the rest of her meal, but she started having a tantrum at the table instead. That's why she got the consequence of leaving the room and then the end of her dinner. Bear in mind this went on for a while and everyone else was finished and trying to have a conversation with dd flailing around at the table.

Whatever you did was right at the time. Don't be harsh on yourself or DD. ignore your parents. They do not know the whole picture. I am going through something similar at home so am watching for advise
too.

I honestly can't remember what happened the last time she had beetroot - I think she didn't love it but ate a bit. But the tantrum was not about the food really!

But she was making a drama and behaving badly because the OP insisted the DD ate beetroot.

If OP had taken the offending beetroot off the DD's plate, I expect she would have averted the whole drama and she would have eaten her food.

You said she had to eat a piece, which is forcing her to eat it.

Yanbu to be cross with her but ywbexu to throw a 6 year old's dinner in the bin! That is simply tantrumming yourself.

She became hysterical because you continued to force the issue. Of course she can be attention seeking and dramatic; she's six years old. They can't express their emotions as articulately as adults and often lack an off button when it comes to dramatic reactions. You need to pick your battles you really do, and this is not one.

Yes, picking your battles applies all through parenthood and I think you badly misjudged on this one.

'If she had simply said she wasn't eating it in a calm way..'
she is 6.

fine, i understand greenwheelie. but the tantrum thing could mean anything. she is playing power games, or she is absolutely frustrated at being treated in a certain way? its impossible to tell from your post, but young children usually only have massive tantrums IME when they are feeling powerless and ignored. OR else if they are spoilt. Like I said, its impossible to tell from your post, only you can really know as you are her mother. I hope you work it out and go from there.

I reminded her only twice, I didn't go on and on about it, but she knows the rule and she also knows that screaming doesn't get you what you want.

She had to eat a bit if she wanted dessert. The dcs sometimes choose to leave their main course, in which case I say ok you're not hungry but nothing else instead.

Us adults are pretty lucky in that nobody can force us to eat something we dont fancy.

I'd have done exactly as you did. YANBU.

Ample at 6 she is prefectly capable of speaking nicely, ok she sometimes needs reminding but she is not a toddler anymore.

I know what would happen if the beetroot had been taken away. Then it would become the 'I'm not eating that bit because the beetroot touched it' battle and it would start all over again.

It was about OP's dd wanting control. She didn't get it. YANBU.

Because anxiety often causes stomach pain and digestive problems, it is incredibly easy for anxiety and food to be linked. If someone is often anxious or upset when eating then their body will get the signal that it is the food making them feel ill rather than the emotions. If anxiety is relieved with dessert then the signal is ordinary "good" food = bad and sick-making, sweet food = good and satisfying. That is why eating should always be as calm and pressure-free for children as possible.