to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

I wonder if it was very wise to introduce a new food at a meal at which grandparents were present, if she's liable to kick off over trying new foods.

I understand your point, but I think you should've just taken it off the plate and enjoyed a meal together.

On a different day she would have tried it without a fuss though, and the fact that she fell asleep quickly so early means she was tired and it wasn't about the food as such.

I appreciate everyone does this differently but this way has worked pretty well for us I think that's your answer... all children are different and I don't think having a blanket policy is entirely the right thing. It may be that your dd is a bit of a drama queen (not saying she is of course, but if she was) then this approach might feed right in to her more dramatic side. Perhaps a more measured approach would work better with her. I don't think it's ever the best end result for someone to go to bed with no supper and food to end up in the bin. I'm not saying pander to her, but perhaps some kind of different approach is better for her because she's got a different personality to your other dcs.

I think i'd have lost my rag too....it was the poor behaviour at the table that the OP was reacting to....YANBU

why was she attention seeking?

You know she can be a drama queen, so why make such a big deal about making her eat a bit of beetroot? You set her up to make a drama out of this.

I always asked mine to try something, but if they didn't want to and they had eaten other things, I would never force them. It's never worth it.

Would you want to try something that you think looks/smells disgusting?

I wasn't giving them a new food, they have had it before. DD was just in a rather dramatic mood.

It just annoyed me that my parents put a huge amount of emphasis on well-behaved, polite children, then make comments when they see me discipling them. I feel like telling them that's it's not only luck that my dcs mostly behave well.

Why do there have to be such strict and stringent rules about meal times anyway? Eating as a family is supposed to be an enjoyable, relaxed affair. Why not go with the flow more? I'm not talking about letting kids eat sweets and chocolate for their tea, but just be a bit more relaxed and open about it. Appetites and meal times aren't an exact science. There should be a bit more give and take.

I didn't lose it or anything, I reacted calmly throughout.

You should not use food as either a reward or a punishment ever.

Her punishment for her behavior at the table was to throw all her dinner in the bin-look out eating disorder here we come.

Ugh, so many typos, sorry.

I would be interested to know what you do with kids who won't eat something because they say they don't like it (though may have eaten eat last week/month) but then an hour later want other food. DD will eat X this week but not next, makes it hard to keep up .

This is the only time I have ever thrown her dinner away - I do not believe that this will give her an eating disorder!

I'm no expert, but I think YANBU actually. It sounds like it wasn't just about not liking beetroot, as she also refused to eat the rest of the meal (she can't have been all that hungry, or she'd have eaten the other non-beetroot stuff surely?), plus all the shouting and crying and general drama.

If she'd just quietly left the beetroot on her plate I would think it wasn't worth worrying about (we all have foods we don't like), but this does sound like attention-seeking/bratty behaviour.

YANBU .
If it wasnt the beetroot it would have been some other element of the meal. She wanted to create a drama with GPs as interested observers.
Good for you that you stuck to your guns.

So she has had it before?

So she knows she doesn't like it? But you made a huge deal because she wouldn't eat something she knows she doesn't like?

I wish DH wasn't such a softy and would let me do this with DD2.

at 11 she is still a total control freak with food. it is very wearing.

FWIW greenwheelie you have my sympathies about trying to instill good habits when your parents are around. My mum goes on and on about how ds eats really badly, ever eats a proper meal, is too fussy, and whenever we are at their house she always ALWAYS brings out crisps/snacks/nibbles before a meal so of course they haven't got any bloody room for their meal (grrrrr)

YABU, OTT and verging on bloody cruel. I defy ANYONE to say that there is NOTHING in the world that they don't like the taste or texture of. I would never expect my 6 year old to eat beetroot. Life really is too short to send a distressed little girl to bed hungry just so you can show her who is boss

never eats a proper meal

You did well greenwheelie - never ever go back on a warning or threat you have made to DCs, ever ever.

Ignore GPs - it has nothing to do with them.

10/10 in the good parenting test.

DD will be more sensible in future (so will any other DCs who were there)

Exactly Ephiny, she didn't really seem to want to eat anything, which would have been her choice but then all the fake-vomiting started. She was just being a complete pain at the table and ignoreing her food.

Forcing a child to eat food against their will is controlling behaviour, bordering on abusive IMO. I would never force a child to put anything in their body that they didn't want.

Willbe - your situation is entirely different. You know your DD likes the curry and she was just acting up. She said she didn't want it, you said fine, and asked her to leave, which is a normal response to someone not wanting to eat, then she changed her mind of her own accord which is a great result. You didn't make a song and dance of it.

OP what you call "drama" I would call a child driven to bad behaviour by the fact that a simple "I don't want to eat that" won't work. You are encouraging your child to act out by not listening to her perfectly reasonable wish to decide what to put in her own body. If someone was forcing you to eat and they just wouldn't accept "no" what would you do?

I don't think you used the food as a punishment either. You put it in front of her, she had two opportunities to eat it (any of it!), but she refused. So you threw it away, as she clearly didn't want it. Doesn't sound all that bad to me...