to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

Sassy you may want to find one of my previous posts to get my opinion on this & those who are being, quite frankly, pretty hysterical about op approach.

Couldn't give 2 shits about the beetroot though I bloody love the stuff myself.

Greenwheelie, I wanted to post on this thread last night but things got taken over when 19month DD2 was running a temp and I had to give up my MN time

Aaaanyway, I grew up with a mum who carried out her threats and was firm on food (and other) issues. She very occasionally did things like put our dinners in the bin, or feed us yesterdays left over dinner for breakfast.

I do not have an eating disorder, nor do I consider that I was abused.

Our DCs are younger than yours, so it's not something I have done. Yet I might end up doing it one day, if the situation arises. I'm not a scary disciplinarian. I think I'm probably a push-over on certain things. I absolutely know what it's like to enforce certain rules we have in our house (no hitting or whatever it might be) only to see my ILs giving eachother little raised-eyebrow glances.

Hope you and your DD have made things up and you have a nice dinner tonight all together without being a spectator sport for your parents. Have a glass of , you've earned it.

I think it is fussy eaters who are ok with having children who are fussy eaters too. And parents who have made a conscious decision to educate/ widen their palates who are strict regarding meals and non-fussiness.

I made a conscious decision to educate/widen my children's palates by offering them different foods. I'm not a fussy eater and neither are my DDs but I'm not strict regarding meals.

Sassybeast "Question for those who are unshakable in their belief that children are to be controlled and that a parents mission in life is to force them to eat wichety grubs, do you take your children to restaurants ? Do you allow them to 'CHOOSE' what they would like from the menu ? Or do you dictate that as well ?". I expect good table manners and consideration. DS would be allowed to choose his own meal and I would expect him to try it (not eat it).

If my DS has a tantrum or is badly behaved, we deal with that in a consistent manner - whether food is related or not.

I'm not a fussy eater or strict regarding food, I had two eat most things kids and one fussy bugger

what do you make of that , Flatbread?

Thanks, juggling, the beetroot salad was a brilliant. Suspect I shall have a craving for mushrooms tomorrow, given the way the thread is going

Agree that meals should be pleasurable. On both sides. No forced eating or nagging and no fussiness, including picking out bits from the food (gross habit) or moaning.

Those of us who dont have the 'you must try' rule or the 'no veg, no pudding' still offer variety flatbread but in a 'you can try' style which -ime- works better than 'you must'. Most children are naturally curious anyway. Thats why we keep the glass of wine away from toddlers

Laquitar :o

I'm not a fussy eater or strict regarding food, I had two eat most things kids and one fussy bugger

usualsuspect - was the 'fussy' one the ignored middle child or the spoilt youngest, I bet it wasn't the eldest.

I didn't ignore my middle child or spoil my youngest

It was the youngest one actually who actually saw his older siblings eat most things, so I don't think your theory works tbh

In that case why oh why, once the child had calmed down, did the op ask her to eat the beetroot again?

To avoid 'I see you are giving in to her now' superior snotty looks from her DPs.

Mayisout

Are all middle children ignored and youngest children spoilt then?

YANBU unreasonable. You have a rule, she knows it, she broke it, there needed to be consequences and there were. You even gave her a second chance. Acting up because her grandparents were there is irritating too. I find their lack of support of you a bit unreasonable - how is it their business how you parent your children? I think they should have given you some respect for showing your DD that rules still apply even if visitors are there.

There's not anywhere near enough of this sort of parenting anymore, IMHO. I am a primary teacher and see the results of a lack of rules and consequences at home constantly. Well done you for sticking up for your rules.

What have people's opinions about beetroot got to do with it anyway? She had never tried it before, she may have liked it, she had no need to be unreasonable about it.

Grr and grr some more. It has been a bad day chez moi!

Oh so she wanted to score points over her parents?

We just finished dinner.

My prediction was wrong. DD devoured the mushrooms, although she has fussed about eating them a couple of times before.

DS, on the other hand, didn't like the pasta sauce. He asked for pasta without sauce, I said sorry it was cooked in the sauce. He tried it, made a face, asked for a different dinner, sorry I said, this is what's for dinner tonight DS. This is disgusting, he said. I told him - you don't have to eat it, but you are not allowed to be rude to me. He continued to whine and complain. I said if I hear you whining again, you will have to leave the table. He whined again and was sent out. After 5 mins I asked him if he wanted to come back, he did. He sat down and ate some of the pasta and all of the salad, then he had a yoghurt and some cherries. Everyone is happy.

I think this gives the impression that we have this every night - we really don't and this seems to be a bad week for some reason!

One thing I wondered - because I enjoy cooking and trying new recipes we don't have the same meals every week or 2 weeks the way some friends of mine do. Maybe this means more fussing but long-term getting used to more new foods?

I have now.

I agree your DD wanted to be in control of the situation and in a case like that where she had raised her ante to the point where one of you needed to lose if the other was to win it had to be the parent who won.

The trick is to try to find a way where she sees she has won of course, but I really don't know how you could have done that given the performance she put on from the outset.

I don't agree with the cajoling approach of your parents either. She is 6, which is both old enough not to create a scene or rudely announce she doesn't like beetroot, and too old for the cajoling method. There are less rude ways of telling a cook you don't like food that she has served.

I don't think expecting politeness (including trying something before politely telling someone you don't want to eat the rest) is a matter of controlling children, controlling what they eat, or unduly harsh. There is more to meals and eating with others than just getting nutrients from the table into a digestive system. The associated decorum is important too, and if children are allowed to turn down an item after trying it it's not a matter of imposing an unhealthy attitude to eating. So imo, YANBU.

Ha, ha OP. My DC had chicken and MUSHROOM risotto for tea today, as did I. Yum.

Mmm....chicken and mushroom risotto. I think I'll make that soon.

Sou n like a good dinner, OP.

Bugger, I am craving mushrooms now. Luckily girolles are in season, plenty around given the recent humid weather.

Hmmm, mushroom pasta or risotto or an omelette tomorrow? Or perhaps a Thai curry with mushrooms and aubergine?

I love Thai curry. Although last time I made it for me and DH I went a little overboard on the chillis and we needed a yakult to drink alongside it.

I also think that encouraging children to eat meals they aren't as fond of makes them better, more polite guests when they go for tea at other children's houses. I would expect them generally to eat what's given to them, which they generally do, even if they're not used to that particular meal, or at least to make a brave attempt. it drives me mad when kids come to tea and tell me they don't like this and they don't like that (often without trying it).

I don't offer alternatives, although I do feel bad sending them to bed hungry. It hardly ever happens. My dcs do eat if they're hungry.