to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

I also have to add, as a lot of you seem to think op is forcing food on her child, that we ask our dd(2.10) to try things when she refuses (mainly because I know she is arsing around) Very rarely does this result in her leaving anything as when she actually tries the originally rejected food she does actually like it (which I know as she has eaten before) I'm pretty sure most of us are aware which foods our dc do actually dislike & which ones they are just trying it on with.

Oh Pav . My dd is not the best of eaters, but she's healthy and happy and has a reasonably balanced diet, so that will do for me.

Pavlov - do you think it would have affected you the same way if it was once and then you hadn't seen a sprout for some time? It reads as though it was the utterly predictable and relentless way it was sprouts each meal over the xmas period which caused the stress, which is understandable.

Think you are projecting Pavlov
She was "agitated and defensive" erm or actually she was a pain in the arse right from the start of the meal.
If my Dc ever stated they hated something or were rude ,said yuk/vomit or anything of the things I hear my friends kids saying they would be removed from the table so fast they wouldnt have time to draw breath !
They are now polite,well mannered teenagers - obviously nothing to do with my parenting though
Good luck OP YANBU - Im sure there will be many days like this ahead

I think if any us felt that our children were being rude or tantrumming then we would be removing them from the table.

But to bring them back and force them to eat the very item that triggered it in the first place is asking for trouble IMO.

My mum also used to say - eat the stuff you're not keen on first, then the bits you like, then you've got the nice stuff to enjoy in peace. Either I was a complete dustbin, or mum was very convincing.

I do remember putting my foot down at quicke lorraine (foul stuff).

I like to put a lot of bowls and plates of different foods on the table at meal times - so that we can pick what we want, and try new things. I make sure that there isnt one big bowl of somehing like chips - mainly veg and salads, so it looks interesting.

It is hard when a child refuses something that you either think is good for them or something you have taken time and effort over making and it gets little more than a sniff before refusal.

Children can be very stubborn and will throw up if forced to eat, so I suppose the way is to know how best to approach a 'tricky food' if you want them to try it. Maybe ask them to help propare and dish it out, or look for recipes with you?

If the girl was that hungry she would have eaten everything else then started compaining about the beetroot.

As it seems, she caused a scene from the start.

I would have said eat the meal and leave the beetroot.
I remember the school dinner ladies sitting there waiting until you had eaten that cold stringy cabbage, and yes, it made one gag having to eat something they really didin't fancy.

Not projecting at all. I gave an experience of being forced to eat food I did not like, at about the same age. I gave an opinion, like man many others have.

gin hard to say, not sure how any times she offered it, but certainly every Christmas. Only have one vivid detailed memory that pops into my head pretty much every time I see a sprout! Who knows what else happened that day? Maybe i was being a spin in the arse and my mother had had enough an it was not about the sprout. But what I remember is what actually happened which was that I was made to eat something I did not like.

And maybe the OPs dd might have that same memory. Maybe she won't remember it. But I bet she will remember one if the times she was made to eat food she does not like.

rabitee yes, we joke about it too now as Dh loves them so we have big bags full in the house at Christmas time. He also knows not to put it on my plate!

DD does not like them, so she does not have them on her plate. She still gets offered them, and Dh prepares them with lots do flavouring so encourages he to try a mouthful of his, she has done that, did not like it, good enough.

More or less done the same thing, put dinner to one side for her to come back to when she was ready to behave. We have the same rule re trying stuff.

This was about her behaviour more than beetroot, it is not acceptable to sit at a table like that. I would have done exactly the same.

Regardless of what the tantrum was about, it was insitgated by the parent. We do not need to control our childrens lives to the point where we have to win no matter what. The situation could have been avoided or diffused quickly with the right words. Many parents seem to think they are weak if they back down from an argument with a child, or they will be seen as giving in to their demands. Looking at your own behaviour and modifying it isn't weak at all - it means your child can see that you accept you are not always right and that even adults are unsure of things sometimes.

I never make my children eat something they don't want or like and never have done. Now they are 10 and 13 and have pretty good diets and are more open to trying new foods because they are never forced to. I have no issues in cooking differently for each child - they are different after all. One child eats everything I give him but the other is very particular about what he does and doesn't eat. He wont eat meat (apart from cold chicken) and doesn't like cooked vegetables. Hates potoatoes in any form and wont eat any sauces - so while the rest of us are tucking into a roast, he has cold chicken slices, chopped raw veggies and salad. No drama, no fuss and we all sit down together to have a pleasant family meal.

The OP wasnt forcing her DD to eat something she didnt like. The OP had a rule, which her DD knew perfectly well, that everything on the plate has to be tried. If the rule isnt followed and some things arent tried then the result is no dessert.

The OP's DD rather than trying one food gave amateur dramatics a go. She was given a couple chances to calm down and behave properly at the table. OP's DD didnt so was put to bed and dinner was binned.

I think OP was absolutely in the right including binning dinner. Dinner was served at the table all together. It wasnt a buffet.

6 is a couple of years into school, not a baby.

YABU. This book explains why: www.pinterandmartin.com/my-child-wont-eat/

Yikes. YANBU

DS has always been fussy and anxious about trying new food, some kids are. We have a no thank you rule about trying. Two bites and then new food can be left, no fuss involved. My friend DC is a year older than my DS and always ate everything without a fuss. She takes exactly the same approach with her youngest child (nearly 4) and he eats cereal, noodles, biscuits and bananas.

If DS behaves badly, there are consequences.

Theteapig: "She was "agitated and defensive" erm or actually she was a pain in the arse right from the start of the meal."

Right. And the OP has a choice about how to deal with that: behave in a mature, sensible way, like an adult, or behave like a six-year old child by responding in kind. It's fairly obvious which course the OP chose.

It's not a new food.

The amateur dramatics needs dealing with. The rule about food is OK as long as it's consistent. How many times must a child try food before it's accepted that s/he doesn't want to eat it?

Haven't read the whole thread so almost certainly cross-posting, but it strikes me that asking her to come back might have been the problem. If she's 6, I would think you would be able to say 'if you feel sick, you can go and lie down in the living room (or somewhere fairly boring)' and let her leave, if she's really hungry she'll come back, and if not, you can offer her a bit of toast or something later.
Maybe she did really feel sick?

@SecretNutellaFix the grandfather probably would have put it in the fridge and heated it up for breakfast as that was wat was done but i think some grandparents forget what they used to do when they were parents.

YANBU if she hadnt had beetroot before then how does she know she doesnt like it. I only make wat i know my child likes and if she doesnt eat it i would send her to her room and she would get nothing else. Think you did the right thing by not giving in.

I would have done the same. I hate doing it, but sometimes there need to be serious consequences. The only thing I would have done (possibly) is give her food to anyone who wanted seconds and give her a slice of buttered bread instead.

When ds1 refuses to try something new it is never really about the food, always to do with asserting himself. If it is clear he is a obnoxious mood, I do try to ensure the dinner is something that won't spark confrontation but sometimes it's already made and who knows whether he will suddenly take a dramatic dislike to a former favourite. So yes, in the end, it is the behaviour that needs to change, not your menu!

I'm with you OP except my DH would hoover up the leftovers.
Rules are rules, and even more so if there is an audience so that the DC understand there are no exceptions, no matter how awkward.
All my DCs (5, 3 and 2) have at least once gone to bed without much or any dinner through excessive dawdling, fussiness or misbehaviour. They will not starve as a result.
So far they are good eaters and I do have a problem with making different meals for different people.

My 3 yo loves beetroot because it turns his wee pink

My mum was a very liberal parent, we didn't have lots of rules and we turned out absolutely fine. My mum's main concern was for us to be kind to others. My DP's mum was like the OP about food, manners, politeness. It is the only place my DS will get really upset over dinner or lunch as she insists on certain rules at the dinner table. It is a very stressful experience. My DP feels she was and is very controlling, with that control comes the selfishness because she thinks it is all about what she wants. My DP remarks on how she always puts her self first. Part of me thinks good on her for being a woman that does so I.e not a selfless martyr but I see the fairly distant relationship my DP has with her and his brother has with her. They have pushed her away because she is controlling.

The OP was forcing her DD to eat the beetroot because that was the rule.

The DD was going to have a tantrum over something, that was obvious, but did the OP have to make the tantrum about a piece of bloody beetroot? That the child did not need.

And having to try a bit of everything on the plate is a stupid rule. Offering is good, but making a child eat something is just plain wrong.

hackmum
The OP behaved like an adult - she didnt scream at her child,cry or lose her temper
She did the most sensible thing - gave her a chance to behave,then removed her child from the situation when it was clear she was going to continue the drama.
I have done the same thing - after a couple of times they know you are not going to tolerate bad behaviour and mealtimes are enjoyable.