to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

Bizarre tangent onto beetroot-coloured growths.

Yes I do reason with my dcs. We are a very happy family with a normal amount of disagreements, strops and tantrums which are getting less as they get older (apart from dd1 who is now doing teenage moods....)

However I am prepared to say I got it all wrong later if my dcs think so. I could never say anything like that to my parents though.

This is simply an example of how we deal with parenting in different ways, obviously those of us who agree with OP have a similar style & those who don't agree do things differently-anybody getting on their high horse & saying what she is doing is wrong is, to put it simply, a bit of twat & anybody saying what she did is cruel & bordering on abuse is a lot of one. We all do things differently, just because something isn't what you would have done doesn't make it wrong.

She's usually very independent and does most things on her own, which is why I think it's a phase at the moment. School holidays maybe?

Well said Barred

But we're not talking about a food phobic child here....

what Barred said sometimes in hindsight I think oh i shouldve handled that different or better with my children and as parents we change and adapt parenting to suit
My eldest is a grown up and yes probably I shouldve done things a little better or in some cases a lot better,

Can't believe this is still going on! It surely has nothing to do with beetroot, it was the dds behaviour that was the issue. I bet if the dd had simply left the beetroot on te edge of her plate and sat politely eating her dinner, the op wouldn't have even commented on the beetroot. I still think the op wnbu to have removed a theatrical tantruming 6 year old from the dinner table. Although maybe shouldn't have continued to force the beetroot issue when the dd returned to the table.

It's not a new food. OP says she's had beetroot before. Not sure how many times children have to 'try' food before it's accepted that they don't want it.

How many 6yo children will leave something they don't want to eat on the side of their plate? Mine never did and neither did any friends of theirs that came round. They seem to go into a blind panic about the offending item and don't settle until it has been removed. Funnily enough they were happy to do that before they went to school and the plate clearing police were in charge.

The behaviour is the issue definitely and I'd have removed a tantrumming child for a quiet talk in the kitchen. The beetroot wouldn't have been forced though

Obviously that is right if the child is food phobic, rabbitee. But for a child with no food issues, there are obviously different ways of parenting vis a vis food, none of which are wrong.

Besides, this was not a new food.

dittany - nice to see you outside of woman's rights and feminism.

I agree with you as well. Children like boundaries and they like to know that the adult is in charge. From my experience with my own DCs they respond far better when DH and I are firm than when we do fluffy "oh, you can have your way".

The point is that the OP managed to escalate the situation by mismanaging it. She took what was essentially a pretty trivial problem (child won't eat beetroot) and turned it into a huge pointless confrontation in which everybody (child, OP, grandparents) ends up feeling upset. Why some people persist in seeing this as good parenting is beyond me.

It could have all so easily been avoided. The little girl doesn't like beet root so why was she being told to eat it? It doesn't matter, in my mind, wether it was one bit, or 3. I would get upset of someone was forcing me to eat something I hate.

I have never made my children eat anything, they are 15 & 17 now and are not fussy at all, their favourite veg is sprouts. My dad used to make my brother eat his dinner when he really didin't like it. Meal times were a fraught, tense occasion in our house and there is no way I am having a repeat of that n my house now.

Hully - re your point on tantrums. (Slight tangent here...) My nearly 6 year old DD had a massive tantrum last night because she couldn't do some sewing in a craft kit she was playing with. I was upstairs and hadn't heard her initially asking for help and instead of coming to find me she got louder and louder and worked herself into a frenzy of 'I want to sew! I can't do it!' I came downstairs and sent her to her room and told her to come back down when she could stop shrieking and talk to me normally. It took 45 minutes. Now she knows (because I asked her afterwards) that she should just have come and asked for my help at the beginning, and that shouting will never get her what she wants, and will only get ignored. Yet she still did it. I should add that this happens very, very infrequently. But it happened. And I am not sure I could have prevented it, because she knew what she whould have done, and chose not to. She didn't get what she wanted out of it, and also lost TV time after dinner. Really not sure how something like that can 'irrelevant' though (although i would obviously prefer it didn't happen.)

OTOH, it gave me 30 minutes alone to do my exercise DVD....

She wouldn't have been having a tantrum if she hadn't been told to eat something she doesn't like.

I am a really strict no nonsense parent but I think op was completely wrong on this occasion.

Dd tantrummed, gps tutted, op slung dinner in bin, dd went to bed hungry - congratulations on a scenario well handled op and yes that is a sarcastic .

hackmum
probably in hindsight she wouldnt have insisted but tbh I think from the description her Child was going to tantum over something .
I really dont think the whole "dont do anything ever if you think the little darlings might have a tantrum as a result" (non)parenting is helpful either.
She had a tantrum - big bloody deal .

Op YANBU, I would have done the same.

YANBU. It wasn't just the beetroot, it was the excessive reaction to a tiny request to taste one morsel of food. She is 6 not 2, so old enough to understand that we can't always have things our own way and that sometimes something may be asked of you which is not to your liking but for good reason.

I think you gave her consequences for her behaviour which was not reasonable - not a bad thing IMO.

:)

My mother used to put one Brussels sprout on my plate every Christmas, over the entire period that we ate them. Every Single Time. I hated them. She would say you have to eat one, just try one. That is all I am asking. I loved everything else in the plate, but it was such a battle, I used to cry and plead, and for me, the entire rest of the meal was ruined. I recall being around 6 or 7 and in tears as I forced myself to eat it. I remember watching he put it on my plate and then eating the rest of the food dreading the end of the meal time as I knew I would have to eat it.

Those memories are real and strong and scarred me. I remember it every time Dh tries to get me to eat something I don't like, or put it on my plate in case I changed my mind.

I will Never Ever force my children to eat what they don't want. They will be offered everything, encouraged to try one bite and that is ok. But if they refuse, that is their choice.

This is not about the child's bad behaviour. She saw beet root and new she would have to eat it as she knows the 'rules' and she became agitated and defensive immediately. You placed her in an horrible embarrassing situation in front of others and she became upset and unable to fully express herself so he behaviour became unreasonable, she is 6 she is still very little.

Absolutely unreal.