to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

or if the dont have boundaries set - it makes children feel secure to know what "the rules" are
This doesnt stop em testing the boundaries from time to time

getupgo you are sounding very confrontational and making lots of false assumptions.

Or perhaps you're right-Mummy can I have that toy to add to my huge collection at home? err no-cue tantrum which yes I suppose could fall under 'thinking they're not being heard' I suppose.......

YANBU. You weren't asking her to eat a whole plate of something she genuinely hated; it sounds as though most of the 'battle' was about, as you say, table manners and behaving in company without showing off/playing up/using food to create a drama.*

You're just trying to teach her that tantrumming and fake-crying is not acceptable, whether it be in relation to food or to anything else.

*I know people in their 40s who still do that

And you'd all let your tantrumming 6 yr olds get their own way just to avoid arguments. You have to be firm with a 6 year old or you are making a rod for your own back. That would be SOFT and INEFFECTIVE parenting (or maybe NO parenting).

I have never had battles about food with either DS (now 30) or GCs (13 & 12) who we're bringing up. My father used to do this sort of thing and I remember the misery of trying to eat whilst crying, my mum crying because she didn't agree with it and my brother getting scurvey (sp?) because mealtimes were so fraught.

I cook nice healthy meals, always have salad and fruit available, serve meals in serving dishes so people take what they want and never make anyone eat everything on their plates or eat anything they don't like. If there's nothing they like (rare) then it's fruit and salad and bread, with a glass of milk.

All of them enjoy food, are happy to try new things,eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. And no-one's ever cried at the table, which for me is the most important thing

Six is way too old for tantrums. Four is pushing it. I'd expect negotiation and reason to be used at that age.

I'm not trying to have the last word, I'm enjoying the discussion. No pressure to stay and comment if you don't want to.

Really, hullygully? Maybe it depends what you call tantrum. I certainly didn't do it after about 4 but I was a repressed parent-pleaser.

I think YWBU to bin it (waste of food) but NU in any other way.

Your parents should butt out. None of their business. I bet if you had given in and she had continued to play up, you'd have got the ol' catsbum mouth about you being too soft on her, not disciplined enough - you can't win.

Good for you for following through and actually, shame on your parents for trying to make you feel bad about it.

Soft and ineffective parenting? Not really, you just have to pick your battles. This battle was pointless and ineffective and clearly has upset the OP as well as her 6yo.

I remember my brother sitting crying for hours chewing and spitting up bit of meat every Sunday lunch, every week ...then he'd be sent to eat in the kitchen in disgrace.

Misery for everyone, every week, and what's he learnt from it? Well he's a vegetarian now. And a bloody fussy one at that.

What Hully said. I know a lad of 7 who has the most spectacular foot stamping tantrums at school because his mum always gives in to him.

Doesn't work with me. He is beginning to learn that.

Well, I don't give in, but they still do it sometimes.

YABVU.

dittany don't you think it's good for children to find their own solutions when they can?

I am not saying that when it is clear that a child does dislike a certain food after trying it that they should be continually forced to eat it - that is a different point TheOriginal (your brother), but that rules simply need to be followed through.

I think you were unreasonable, i serve the food up and they either eat it or dont, they can eat what they want (out of whats served) and as much as they want, i dont think being forced to ear build a good,healthy relationship with food, i only eat things i like and as much as i want (although i over eat due to being forced to eat everything served) and pudding is part of our meal, not a treat for if you finish. i have 3 children that eat and a 19 week old baby that doesnt yet and they are 'good' eaters and the right weight for their (tall fir their ages) heights

Ah, but I don't think it is about "giving in" or "not giving in" to so-called tantrums, I mean that parent and child should have worked out how to communicate by then so that tantrums are simply irrelevant.

And I used the OPs sort of rules - try a bit of something before you say you dislike it, no pudding if you leave most of your dinner etc, and I have four good eaters too, all the right weight etc.

There is no absolute right answer here, I think.

But given what your rules are and the fact that your DD knows them, YWNBU!

also ive not eaten beetroot for years! i had a growth removed when i was 10 and the dr showed it to me (i was interested) and it looked exactly like beetroot, same size,shape and colour

OP - YANBU.

Your gaff, your rules.

I really think the OP wants to reason with her daughter I do,
but in this case there wasn't any reasoning with her so she was sent away from the table not all 6 year olds are reasonable and not all parents are reasonable either perhaps the OP did over react to the whole thing it sounded stressful,