to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

No manic, the OP ignored her DD and then told her if she "couldn't be quiet and eat" she would have to leave. She didn't teach her how to behave better, she just said she had to be quiet.

What cockwomble said-wow 23 pages!!!

Well, you sound like you did fine to me , OP.

Very odd that some have you as some kind of dragon woman, slamming a spatula on the table and demanding that your children 'EAT'!

I haven't read the whole thread funnily enough (!) but I do have this to say:

The whole debate about whether it's best to be strict about trying new foods or completely laid back and the consequences these approaches have in the long term regarding how good an eater your child eventually becomes.....you can argue the pros and cons till you're blue in the face but I really believe that being fussy or eating everything (or somewhere in between) is completely random and down to luck. Everyone's got a story to tell - someone mentioned a few pages back about being a terribly fussy eater as a child but her parents took the firm approach and she now eats everything and she claims it was down to that approach. I was also very very fussy as a child and my mum took the relaxed approach with no pressure to try anything new. I eventually became a real foodie but it wasn't until my late teens/twenties that I really got interested in food of all types.

So you see, it's all anecdotal evidence but it really is down to luck. Or how would you explain sibings having completely different eating habits having been raised the same way? Unless it was really extreme, you can't blame your parents for you having food issues/hang ups in the same way you can't attribute their approach for you having good eating habits.

OP - I'm honestly not sure about what happened but it does sound like it was more about the behaviour than the beetroot. None of us were there at the time. I probably wouldn't have thrown the dinner in the bin but absolutely I would have dealt with the mealtime behaviour appropriately.

She was tired green, you said it yourself.

You don't need to 'cook different meals for everyone' - I definitely wouldn't do that, though I know some people who do. Just let people take what they want from what you have made.

24!!!!!!!

I have no problem with ignoring a badly behaved child. I reckon it's the sensible thing to do rather than enter into a discussion with a tantrumming child.

Well perhaps your scampi and wedges and salad were horrible too?

Don't you think they should at least try everything partly out of manners and appreciation that they have nice food to eat while many do not?

My food is never horrible!

Really.

If a child is acting up there is a reason for it. You should at least try to find that out before ignoring a child who might be genuinely upset. In this case the DD had been told she would have to eat something she hates and she was very tired. In that situation there was no point in being "firm" it just wasn't going to work because the situation was too fraught. What I'm basically saying is that it was a completely pointless showdown.

So you see, it's all anecdotal evidence but it really is down to luck. Or how would you explain sibings having completely different eating habits having been raised the same way? Unless it was really extreme, you can't blame your parents for you having food issues/hang ups in the same way you can't attribute their approach for you having good eating habits.

dancergirl- a parents approach creates the atmosphere in the home, so in fact, everything in the home largely depends on their behaviour

children mostly tantrum usually if they feel their voices are not being heard
or if they feel misunderstood

it is frustration

the DD is only human, not an ornament

I dont think as part of a family meal asking a child to try a small bit is unreasonable - along with the usual showing correct table manners etc .

The child probably from the sounds of it would have had a tantrum over something .The Op stopped the fuss and put the child to bed which is what she needed -clearly.

Well your daughter would beg to differ, I imagine!

I think trying everything is a good aim, I think it's definitely good for them to know you think that's a good thing to do, and that yes, it is polite to try. But I differentiate between it being a valid ambition and something I would praise, and something I would enforce if they really didn't want something.

My youngest likes all vegetables really except peas - when we're at my parents' my dad will go on and on: 'oh, not having any peas? Come on, why don't you just have a few peas? Does she not like any vegetables? Just have these few peas!' and she always did, but said to me that she really didn't like them - so we agreed that I'd step in and say 'dad, it's fine, she's really not keen on peas'. I think in that instance it is my dad who is not showing manners really, by commenting on what others are or are not eating.

and barred - it has run to 24 pages, as OP seems prone to having the last word

as at home, I would guess

Everyone is assuming her DD hates beetroot. Have I missed something?

That's why I said that the fact it was beetroot is e red herring.

OP, I doubt this thread would have gone the way it has if your DD had refused to eat.....carrots, or potatoes, or.........

children mostly tantrum usually if they feel their voices are not being heard
or if they feel misunderstood

Never because they are showing off or just plain playing up?

if a 6 yr old is playing up all the time, then it's time to look at other areas where she may or may not be feeling validated and heard and understood, cockwomble

otherwise she will carry the tantrums into seeminly simple normal activities of daily life like mealtimes

up the attention to her, praise her, reduce the criticism for a while and maybe she will be less feisty

who knows

Not in my experience cockwomble

I'm sure everything I want to say has already been said but I do think that fighting with tantrumming 6 year olds leaves nobody a winner.

"Playing up" = "Not doing what I want you to do"

Yeah I love that point of view on tantrums too

WHO SAYS SHE'S PLAYING UP ALL THE TIME????

This was one major strop. You are all trying to make this into some major behavioural issue. WTF?