to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

I also don't get what the problem is about "not being happy" once in a while. They have to learn to deal with the negative emotions. I can't keep 3 children "happy" all of the time. It's also not reality.

So 15 minutes is an ok amount of time in which to upset a child over nothing?

The child upset herself over nothing and the OP dealt with it.

greenwheelie I don't think you did anything "wrong" I just personally couldn't be bothered to have a big fight over beetroot.

I don't really think it's a big problem, no.

Oh, now she's gone off and got socks and a fleece - sorted.

School has already finished for my dcs - it's going to be a looooon holiday!

Mine hadn't ever liked mushrooms, and we said about a year ago 'could we just try stuffed mushrooms, if you still don't like them I won't make them for you again', and they did, and now they love them. They are the only children I know who will eat mushrooms, in fact. I'd much rather arrive at that situation by consensus and kindness than by ramming it down their faces until they learn to like them.

And yeah, 'I'm cold' annoys me too - I don't like being presented with problems ('I don't want that') rather than solutions ('can I leave that?'). However, you could have had a perfectly reasonable solution which would end in her eating a decent tea but leaving the beetroot, albeit with you having to suck up the fact that she didn't want any beetroot. Impossible, I know.

I mean looooong!

sounds like your DD just wants hugs and affection from you OP

and loads more attention

hence the constant demands and playing up

youre her mother, not her teacher. give her a hug and spend 15undivided minutes with her.

Oh fgs.

do you lock her in the cupboard with spiders?

you don't have to ram things down their throat, you can just offer it in a perfectly matter of fact way without making an issue of it.

I don't think kids need to be happy all of the time neither. it does sound like she wants a bit of attention, mine go through phases like that, and I am quite relieved when it passes! They get individual attention, but there are limits to how much attention you can give and still do other things.

Yeah - offer it. And if they decline the offer, get over it!

They don't need to be happy all the time, but it would be nice! And I wouldn't ever want the unhappiness to be created over food.

I'd love to know where the OP has said 'she rams food down her kids' throats'?

my comment was directed to thesteamingnit, sorry for the confusion!

Be a fecking adult and behave kindly Very unfair
Where did the OP not behave kindly ?? I dont remember any mention of forcing food down her throat/smacking just firm parenting.
The child said she hated food,Op asked her to try a small bit,child had a huge tanrum,chances given,child continues and is clearly tired - child in bed,food removed.
Sometimes as a parent you have to do what the child needs rather than what they want. Sometimes that is difficult .
I see no end of parents pleading,begging and overtalking to small children - the child needs them to set firm boundaries .

The child didn't "upset herself" she was tired and she knew she would have to eat a piece of something she didn't like. She let it be known (very badly) that she wasn't coping with the situation by coughing and shouting and instead of responding to that the OP ignored her. The OP could have told her DD that there were better ways to behave and that she would be listened to if she asked correctly, but the OP didn't do that, she didn't teach her anything beyond the fact that the DD will be ignored when she is upset. Yes the DD behaved inappropriately but if her own mother won't teach her how to behave correctly, who will? Plus I suspect that the DD knew that if she said "I don't want the beetroot" she wouldn't have been listened to. She had already said she hated it and was told she'd still have to eat it. So she had no options - in that case why wouldn't she have a tantrum? How many tired adults would put up with a situation like that and still behave perfectly? She's six years old FFS!

It's a phrase, isn't it? Like you can ram your politics, or what a good parent you are, down everyone's throats or whatever.

Reading back, if there's any behaviour in my children which really would have made me cross with them, it's the rude comments about someone else's lemon meringue pie! Bizarrely, never having been made to eat something they don't want has left my children well able (better than me, in fact) to eat things they're not keen on to be polite, and certainly they wouldn't make rude comments about anything anyone else gave them.

So the tired upset child needed to be ignored and humiliated in front of her grandparents? Why? So she wouldn't miss out on a vital piece of beetroot? Really?

Sometimes as a parent you have to do what the child needs rather than what they want

and they need to eat a mouthful of beetroot, do they? Or what?

The OP did tell her there were better ways to behave. Gave her a time out and then gave her another chance to behave but the child didn't.

I'd say that's fair.

"Im cold"- put a cardigan on then !!

I don't like overtalking in these situations either. We talk a lot together, but when kids are set on a tantrum they are not even listening.

And I hate it when parents immediately announce their child is tired every time they play up! Sometimes they are just playing up!

I'm with you OP.

I think that it is irrelevant that it was beetroot, and those of you that keep going on about it being yuk are completely missing the point.

The OP has rules and her DD knows what they are (and has eaten that food before). This is not about the OP being too hard on her DD and wanting to win. It's about CONSISTENCY in parenting. Kids need to know that rules will be enforced every time or they will push the boundaries. LACK of consistency leads to worse behaviour.

We too have a rule about trying something (which hasn't been eaten before) before saying you don't like it.

I remember one time on holiday when DS was about 3. We were having a picnic - sandwiches etc. He didn't want to eat his sandwiches - just wanted the next bit - I made him eat one sandwich before he could have anything else. He screamed and cried for half an hour in the middle of the beach. He did eat the sandwich eventually. He is now a lovely 12 yr old who is a very good, non fussy eater........with no food issues, and we look back and laugh about that time on the beach.....

I don't think YWBU op. If you let children start picking and choosing at mealtimes you will make a rod for your own back.
I know this from experience. It ended up with me cooking different meals for everyone. I thought Sod This and now they all eat the same meal.
If there is something on their plate they refuse to even try, I scrape that off and replace their plate. They get less food as a result and the stock reply "Don't come back in an hour complaining that you're hungry then". That is THEIR choice.
No fuss, just calm.

DS got told off about his lemon meringue comment even though I secretly agreed with him because it did taste horribly fake.