to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

Original - well said. I couldn't agree more!

21 pages? For the love of god and all that's holy! OP - you served your child a great meal which included beetroot - which she has eaten before; without complaint. In front of her grandparents she put on a grand performance and refused to eat. She broke the house rules - which have been in place for the whole of her six years of dinner times. She chucked a wobbly. She was rude and unreasonable. You gave her chances. She didnt take them. She will NOT as a result of this episode develop ano eating disorder or mental health problems... OP YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT BEING UNREASONABLE have people been reading a different opening post???? Ffs

Most sensible post here.

I like beetroot.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

So she doesn't want beetroot? So what, leave the beetroot, eat another vegetable.

She's having a "drama" because she is six and has no other weapons.

You wouldn't make an adult eat a bit of beetroot, would you?

At what age is it accepatable to say no thanks to beetroot?

What age is it acceptable to make a child realise there are consequences to having tantrums and the correct way to refuse something is in a more polite manner, not by having a show off tantrum to granny?

It isn't about the bloody beetroot which i actually like , I don't think a 6 yr old having a hissy fit at the table is acceptable she is 6 not 2 maybe the OP wasn't very clear and sounded a little snooty (sorry op it was ) but letting a 6 yr old away wth this behaviour isnt going to go well OP sounds like she is having problems with her and trying to sort it out,

Don't let it get to the tantrum stage.

And if there is one, discuss it calmly later and work out a way forward so there is no need for one next time.

One person's "tantrum" is another (small person's) expression of frustration and rage at their opinions counting for nowt and not being listened to.

Personally if I cared so much about beetroot, I would have said well leave it for now, and then on another occasion, when there weren't other people around suggested it was tried then, with some sort of encouragement as enticement if necessary.

it sounded like the tantrum blew out of nowhere all mum asked was she tried a bit of beetroot and it just blew up out of nowhere, and at 6 fake coughing and all that rubbish isnt needed,

HullyGully: "So she doesn't want beetroot? So what, leave the beetroot, eat another vegetable.

She's having a "drama" because she is six and has no other weapons.

You wouldn't make an adult eat a bit of beetroot, would you?"

Agree with all this. Mealtimes should be pleasurable. If the OP wants to end up with a child who has a completely f*ed up relationship with food, she's going the right way about it. As for creating a drama, well, it seems to me the OP was creating a drama as much as the 6-year old, with less excuse.

eat a bit of beetroot no mummy yes try it = food issues really ?

I don't think there will be food issues, it's just the entire thing is so unnecessary. It quickly turned into a power struggle. And nobody wins those.

I remember 'fake coughing' and it was genuine retching at having something I hated in my mouth.

Everyone involved, including and especially the grandparents would have had a much nicer, calmer mealtime if you had treated dd with some respect and said 'fine, leave it, but please don't get all silly about it'. But heaven forfend you shouldn't win.

I guess we all do the parenting different It did sound very dramatic and a battle of wills I don't think mum wanted to win though she wanted her dd to behave,

Since when is 'behaving' defined by the amount of bloody beetroot you put in your mouth?

My children have never even been offered it, come to think of it. Probably because I found it revolting as a child. They must be delinquents by now!

Also kids, like adults, are all different.

My ds eats literally everything, far more than I do.

My dd, for the first four years or so of her life, only ate four things (luckily healthy ones), now she eats a lot more, but is nothing like ds.

As long as what they do eat is healthy and balanced, sing hallelujah and be grateful...

All I think is that it's possible for a child to grow up without ever having any ridiculous show-downs about beetroot. This incident is the kind of thing people look back on in their adulthood and think "what the fuck was all that about, I just didn't want to eat beetroot!" Children don't express themselves well but they still have feelings and opinions and it's up to the parent to see that a certain situation is getting beyond reasonable and put an end to it. The OP ignored her daughter's "drama" which meant a child who was trying to express tiredness and unhappiness was just ignored. Why not just say "DD you're not really handling this situation are you, how can we make it better. Would you like to just leave?" She was tired, as the OP later found out, when she paid a tiny bit of attention. The fact that the OP didn't figure that out at the table says a huge amount IMO - to me it's always blatantly obvious when a child is acting up out of tiredness, even a child who isn't mine. There's no point in getting a ruck about beetroot with a tired child, it's just so pointless.

she had eaten it fine before she just decided she didn't want to eat it that day yes kids are fickle I know i dont really fancy getting into a hoha about beetroot the kid had a tantrum the mum dealt with it, I don't think she did anything wrong,

What Cockwomble said. I reckon a lot of you have read a different post.

OP has said, at various times during this thread, that had her dd said she didn't want the beetroot in a calm manner (ie saying she didn't like it and could she eat the rest instead) then the OP would have had no problem. She wasn't forcing the poor child to eat it. It was the drama that got the kid sent away from the table (right thing to do imo). She was given a second chance to sit and eat but chose to continue her histrionics and so was sent to bed where there was no audience.

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

This morning dd is fine. She ate breakfast but didn't seem any hungrier than usual.

Theoriginalsteamingnit the fake coughing started as soon as she heard there was something she didn't fancy in the meal. And yes, the tantrum went to full throttle immediately, from nothing.

dittany I don't believe it was genuine upset, it was indignation at me not giving in to the screaming. If she had talked normally to me, I would have listened, and I always remind her about that. I really don't know why people give into screaming. The families I know where this happens have children who scream a lot more than mine do. I also don't know why you think we have a lot of tantrums because I never said that. They do it a normal amont I would say - maybe your children never do?

Anyway the whole thing lasted about 15 minutes max and tbh what I feel worst about is wasting that lovely food. I've enjoyed the long discussion though!

I don't think letting a child cough and shout she's going to be sick at a dinner table and ignoring her constitutes dealing with it. The child was clearly not happy and the OP just ignored it. It turned out the poor child was tired and consequently couldn't deal with being forced to eat something she doesn't like. What is the bloody point in the misery some parents inflict on their children? I'm all for discipline, definitely, but ridiculous stand-offs, throwing dinner in the bin, god what theatrics. Be a fecking adult and just behave kindly. As the parent you are the one in charge and it is in your power to make the situation work. If a child acts up, is sent away and comes back and acts up again then it's clear sending them away did nothing and they're actually trying to tell you something, albeit badly. In the end an exhausted child went to bed without dinner, all for nothing. How pointless.

blimey, 11 pages! I haven't read the whole thread.

I've done the same thing. Same rules in our house. There is very little the kids don't enjoy. I do encourage them to keep trying though. None of them liked prawns or mushrooms until the 3rd or 4th time of trying. I think it took ds1 longer than that, but credit to him, he kept trying! DT2 still doesn't like cuisses de grenouille. I make it for the other three, and he gets his with just a small amount to try, and extra of the veg or whatever else I am making.

If they just have a little try each time though, most things they do acquire a taste for, even if it never will be a favourite food. You can also try different ways of cooking things. I grow my own beetroot and pickle it in spiced vinegar.

I've only ever had to bin a dinner ONCE. They didn't want to go to bed hungry a second time! I think pandering to kids does them no good and is equally likely to cause eating issues. The thing is not to make a big drama out of it.

Everyone has different ideas about which battles are pointless to fight. For me, I don't really care what they want to wear, if they get dirty, climb trees and generally do lots of "unsafe" things (according to my parents - there's another thread!) but I will not accept extreme fussy eating.

I think DD is going through a dramatic phase - right now she's whining next to me that she's cold. I asked her what she was going to do about that. She seems to want me to sort everything out. I asked her if she would like me to suggest something. She said no.

Cailin if it had been a standoff for a hour you would have a point. It went on for 15 minutes and the OP put a stop to it. I really can't see what was unfair.