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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

869 replies

greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 18:27

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

OP posts:

AllDirections · 18/06/2012 23:04

No wonder their are so many grown up that don't get on with their parents :o

No wonder there are so many people (children and adults) who have issues with food

quirrelquarrel · 18/06/2012 23:06

I am a picky eater! I was incredibly picky from when I started eating solid food. Everything had to be separated. I would eat the smallest possible amount. I hid food all over the place. Etc etc. But we got rid of a lot of my food problems through this kind of discipline. So, I guess they were so arrogant that they could get this kind of result? Not so bad.

It's not meant to be delightful, it's meant to show that if you eat things first time, they're a lot nicer. It doesn't have to be a battle. It never was here. It's what you choose to make of it. We're very close. My grandparents always told my parents that they were treating me far too softly!

TheTeaPig · 18/06/2012 23:06

I havent called you anything sunshine ????
Nor accused you of forcefeeding - I have Never done this to my children either -I gave them the chance to sit quietly and enjoy their food or it is removed and the meal ends- no shouting,forcefeeding or drama !

Sparks1 · 18/06/2012 23:06

*And again Sparks.How did my friend then end up with a very fussy eater and one who'd eat anything? Where did she go wrong?

Are you really so arrogant that you believe that it's entirely down to nurture and that nature plays no part in your child's eating habits?

There's been quite a few formerly smug parents who've found themselves with a picky eater.*

I don't know your friend so couldn't possibly comment.

But if a child is hungry they will eat. So the theory they get fussy is complete crap. Fussy is an affect of nurture not nature by definition.

ivanapoo · 18/06/2012 23:08

Nit and getup there were other, highly traumatic and separate dinner time and food related events that took place in my family, trust me. I'm sure they are likely to have contributed to any issues we had.

But the having to eat all food on our plates? I don't think so, no. I don't remember being upset by that or it causing rows once. I do remember the other stuff.

BoffinMum · 18/06/2012 23:08

It does a normal, healthy child no harm at all to miss a meal and appreciate what hunger feels like IMO. Although I would offer a bit of bread at sleep time if this upset them.

WithACherryOnTop · 18/06/2012 23:08

If forcing a child to eat a food,and repeatedly putting it down in front of them until they give in isn't a battle,then what is?

usualsuspect · 18/06/2012 23:09

I have 3 children, now all grown up

Two ate most things, one was a fussy bugger, so how did that happen then if they were all treated the same?

BoffinMum · 18/06/2012 23:09

Fussy often translates as not needing as much food as they are being given. Children's appetites seem to vary.

BoffinMum · 18/06/2012 23:09

Two of mine ate everything, two were a bit fussy but not in a bothersome way IMO.

Original poster

greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 23:10

I agree Boffinmum. It reminds me of all the snacking that's done too close to mealtimes. It annoys me (when we're at someone else's house for example and they give my dcs loads of snacks) as I think they should be good and hungry for a meal.

OP posts:

WithACherryOnTop · 18/06/2012 23:10

Shit parenting and not being French apparently,Usualsuspect.

Sunshine401 · 18/06/2012 23:10

I said call me what you like about me uping my kids :) I was just being honest however some people on here think that is being smug but i live with my kids i know what they are like :)

Force feeding I would never do In the op situation I would of simply removed the beetroot or told dc to eat around it :P Im sure a tantrum would of not started then

quirrelquarrel · 18/06/2012 23:11

Didn't you read what I said about it only being the next day? They didn't eek it out until it started growing bloody fur!

It's a disciplinary tactic. Look, with me it got more good results than bad. Good results were what they were shooting for, so game won there. And it wasn't ever a battle. If I end up with less food issues than I started out with, I doubt sadism had an awful lot to do with it.

Original poster

greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 23:11

Probably not sunshine but to me that is kids dictating to the parents and we don't have that.

OP posts:

AllDirections · 18/06/2012 23:12

DD2 often used to say she didn't like something when she was younger (when I knew that she did like it) but she meant that she didn't want it or she'd had enough.

I just corrected her so 'Do you mean you don't want it, that's fine' so that she didn't get into the habit of saying she didn't like things.

WithACherryOnTop · 18/06/2012 23:13

I did read what you said about the next day,and that's still taking it too far and making it into a battle. A new day should be a fresh start,not round two.

Brandnewbrighttomorrow · 18/06/2012 23:13

We have a similar rule - the kids have to try something before they are allowed to decide whether they like it or not. I wouldn't have chosen to serve something that might be contentious when we had guests but perhaps that's a lesson learned.

I always point out that there was a time they'd never had chilli / olives / garlic bread - all strong flavours but they love them, what if they'd turned their noses up and said no (as I'm sure they did the first time)

I don't, however insist that they eat everything I serve. I do ask why they haven't eaten something if they've not even tried it.

I don't think you were being unreasonable. She was having a tantrum. End of.

usualsuspect · 18/06/2012 23:13

They will all be spending their dinner money on chips and red bull when they are teens anyway

Original poster

greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 23:15

Exactly usualsuspect so all the more important to get the good food in while you can!

OP posts:

AllDirections · 18/06/2012 23:15

I would have done the same as you Sunshine. And that is definitely not what I would call kids dictating to the parents. I would call that children making appropriate choices.

Sunshine401 · 18/06/2012 23:17

"kids dictating to the parents"
Surely not? Its parenting child tells you they dont want somthing Parent responds "Eat around" or "leave it then"
Wheres the need for upsets??

BoffinMum · 18/06/2012 23:19

Don't even begin to get me onto snacking. DS1, whippet thin DS1, ate a whole packet of HobNob creams, 2 vanilla Provamel and a bowl of cereal when he got home from school today. FFS!

Original poster

greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 23:19

But they don't always need to have a choice. There are plenty of other opportunities to choose - orange or apple juice, jam or peanut butter, weetabix or cornflakes? Sometimes they just have to eat what's for dinner. It's about manners as much as anything when they get older - I find it rude when other people's dcs tell me "I don't like that" and I don't allow my dcs to say it to others.

OP posts:

quirrelquarrel · 18/06/2012 23:19

Say whatever you like about me, but I love kids. Kids often love me back. Probably the weirdo Aspie in me. People trust me with them, a lot. I doubt they'd do this with such a messed up budding sadist. Maybe if you stepped back and considered the means and the ends you might realise that it's not such a terrible way of handling things, but obviously you won't do that. G'night.

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