to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

I am with you OP. I could see your decision was about not spoiling her (effectively) and not the ins and outs of beetroot eating. At five years she can just be hungry and suck it up - she shouldn't be bawling all night because of it, like a baby or toddler might.

For what it's worth we had the same rule, and after years of breath holding/ smothering in cranberry and bread sauce to detract from the taste etc., I now love Brussels Sprouts.

Who takes parenting tips from Wife Swap? I've seen a lot of things done on Big Brother.It doesn't mean they're a good idea.

I'm not strict about trying new foods but encourage it when possible, never insist on finishing plate and no do not use physical punishment.

There can be a happy medium :)

Sunshine- if I were left in charge of my little cousins as I often am, I would never use physical punishment for this sort of thing. I can't think of a time when I'd use it anyway, but definitely not at the table. I don't see what it would achieve? I've seen the way my uncle reacts when things get hairy at their dinnertime and I can't imagine throwing physical stuff into the mix. Would just explode!

No wonder their are so many grown up that don't get on with their parents

TheTeaPig - I would like to point out my children indeed have their ups and downs I have NEVER forced them to eat anything they did not want and call me whatever you want but my children are not fussy they eat healthy and are very loving and poilte .. I love my childen and would do anything to make sure they grow up in the best possible way .

quirrel, did you ever think about why your uncle reacts the way he does at mealtimes?

Do fuck off Sparks,but make sure you step down carefully from that high horse when you do.Wouldn't want you to injure yourself.

No need for that.

As i've stated previously you reap what you sow with children and food. Any idiot can indulge a child. But food is like any other subject, it's education.

I'm safe in the knowledge my daughter has no problems on that front. Doesn't make me smug, just confident and vindicated i did the right thing.

Sunshine401 No i don't and have never needed too, i'm strict about behaviour generally, and reward good behaviour and make it clear regarding rules. Dont understand the connection really between the two.

getupgo my DD doesn't specifically play up at the table. She sometimes pushes boundaries and digs her heels in, like all kids, with an added talent for dramtic effect. Today it happened to be at the table.

usualsuspect I believe that crying doesn't necessarily equal unhappy child. There are many forms of crying from the truly upset to the indignant manipulation cry.

Sunshine you can ask me a cheeky question. I have occasionally smacked my dcs. Maybe twice each ever. And not in relation to food.

I most definitely have my food issues as a result of this being done to me.

Winding down now....
But obviously you know much better than me whether I have these issues or not, because it's so predictable and it couldn't possibly end up any other way? If you grow up in stable, loving household and you know that what your parents do is all in your interests....what is the problem? This big almighty problem which somehow lets me eat whatever I like, whenever I like it?

Hmm. Have to stop biting some time.

'It's basically like eating leftovers you don't like the next day, at a funny time'

Sounds delightful.Who wouldn't love that?

Again if you are making food into a battle and dragging it onto the next day,then it's pretty obvious that it's really about control.and not at all about convincing one's child to try new foods.

sunshine I never force my children to eat ( never have to they are dustbins !) .From an early age food was offered and they were expected to sit down at the table and eat .
No mucking about ,whining or rudeness tolerated .
Im baffled that this is considered harsh!

I was never particular strict or controlling with any of my children.They seem to have turned out alright.

I am an 'In charge' parent but I don't feel the need to control everything my children eat. I'm happy for my DDs to eat a healthy balanced diet without making them eat the occasional item of food that they don't want to eat.

usualsuspect
No wonder their are so many grown up that don't get on with their parents because they where all asked to eat vegetables. I was made to eat eggs to this day by mum, which i still don't like and don't eat but me and my mum are really close, i sought therapy and no longer feel resentment for the trauma she inflicted.

Thanks for answering :)
I was kinda getting in my head the types of mums who were posting on here lol (Judging abit) So I kinda wanted a wider view.
You know the vision of a mum who lurks over you while you eat shouts ever two seconds clean your plate BLah blah then just a horrid image of smacks being added in :( So just wanted to clear my thoughts abit.

particularly* can't type tonight

And again Sparks.How did my friend then end up with a very fussy eater and one who'd eat anything? Where did she go wrong?

Are you really so arrogant that you believe that it's entirely down to nurture and that nature plays no part in your child's eating habits?

There's been quite a few formerly smug parents who've found themselves with a picky eater.

I have never said sitting children down at the table was harsh???
Forcing a child to eat is harsh

I would have done exactly the same as you OP. I have four kids, and I expect them to at least try a bite of something at a meal, before I will accept they dont like it. I also have a seven year old, who will swear blind she doesnt like something, when in actual fact, she just doesnt like it quite as much as something else. If i was to indulge her, she would happily declare she dislikes everything until she has her own little menu of her most favourite, preferred foods. Never going to happen!

I also know from my kids, that some days they may decide they dont like something, in another week, it may be entirely different. If they say they dislike something, I dont automatically believe that they do and stop serving it to them, it takes a good few times of saying they dont like something and I would expect them to taste it again. Even then I would offer it to them again in a couple of months. Kids are fickle. :)

You have to stick at it. If she is hungry, she will eat. If not, remove the plate. I actually put plates in the fridge with cling film on, and people can have a second go before bed if they are starving.

With regard to eating wierd stuff like beetroot, we have a system of 'pre-registered dislikes' and we have one or two of those each. For example mine are raw tomato and raw milk, DS1 hates leeks, DS2 hates tuna. You are never expected to eat these unless you are at a dinner party or meal in someone else's house. Then we have things that we don't really like, but can manage. You generally just eat a bit of that. If it's a new food, you have to give it the benefit of the doubt before pulling a face and refusing to eat it.

If people feel like making a fuss at the table, their meal is removed and they are pretty much ignored.

If kids are being faddy at lots of meals, they end up being put on cooking detail and they have to help prepare everything. This usually means they are happier to eat it.

If kids are rude, it's 1-2-3 Magic and off upstairs while the rest of the family enjoys the meal.

I never said that I control everything they eat.

I also use 1-2-3 Magic. DD had 2 chances to stop wailing.

Well said, voddie. Sounds like a battle of wills rather than a parent encouraging a child to eat a variety of foods and try new things. The DD was stuck in a situation where she couldn't enjoy her meal without trying a bit of beetroot so she played up. Saying to her "OK, don't make a fuss, just leave your salad if you don't like it otherwise you can leave the room" would still have ensured your child knows who's boss.