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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

869 replies

greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 18:27

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

OP posts:
WithACherryOnTop · 18/06/2012 22:47

Her smugness is grating. Can she explain why my friend,who used the exact same techniques with all 3 children wound up with a child who'll eat everything and a child who eats about seven foods. And that 'technique' btw is pretty much that of the OP? Evidently her parenting was lacking.It's the only possible explanation.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 18/06/2012 22:47

You were not motivated by how important it was she ate some beet root. You were motivated by how important it was she obey you.

If you thought it mattered what she ate, you wouldn't have sent her to bed hungry. You wanted it to be clear that you, not she, are in charge of what she eats. I see this as a problem.

quirrelquarrel · 18/06/2012 22:47

If the kid is sensible they'll eat it in one meal. If it goes on until the next then you have a talk and throw it away. Do you think I was saying- make it go on for a week? Yes, that's messed up. But the next day? No, I don't see what's wrong with that.

Goldenbear · 18/06/2012 22:48

Is anyone else fed up with the tedious references to how the French do it? I dont care how the French behave as parents any more than I care for the parenting techniques of the Danish, the Swedes, the Mexicans, the Russians etc!!

ivanapoo · 18/06/2012 22:48

My siblings and I had to finish what was on the plate or we weren't allowed to leave the table.

I was going to say "and we turned out alright" - we're all slim-ish and healthy-ish, and are really unfussy.

Actually we've all had (fairly mild and v much in the past) eating disorders. But I can almost categorically say they had nothing to do with having to finish our dinner.

getupgo · 18/06/2012 22:48

and, quirrel, wifeswap is your benchmark for how to handle all things domestic?

blimey

WithACherryOnTop · 18/06/2012 22:49

I do think it's harmful,Quirrel,and wrong. I don't believe for a minute that it's normal,and the people who go on Wifeswap are hardly the best yardstick to measure the rule by.They're not exactly the norm.

ivykaty44 · 18/06/2012 22:49

your dd2 was playing up as grandparents were there and she wanted to see what happened if she did this. Probably best to send her to bed as she will now know what buttons were pushed and what mum does if she plays up.

I am not overly keen on your food system, i agree with trying something but not for a pudding.

AllDirections · 18/06/2012 22:49

OMG, I didn't think that quirrelquarrel was being serious with those earlier comments, I thought it was tongue in cheek.

I'm with usualsuspect then, you have to be really screwed as an individual to think that behaviour is acceptable in any way at all.

Sunshine401 · 18/06/2012 22:50

It really shouldnt be a big deal :)

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 18/06/2012 22:50

ivana do you want to maybe read that back?

quirrelquarrel · 18/06/2012 22:50

Um, no. I've come across it in books, like I mentioned. I came across it during my childhood. I came across it during numerous family holidays amongst a huge extended family. I came across it on wife swap, yes.

BoffinMum · 18/06/2012 22:51

She was being a drama queen. She'll know next time who is in charge and behave properly at the table.

It has nothing to do with the food, from the sound of it.

TheTeaPig · 18/06/2012 22:51

sunshine Oh the poor child - her terrible mother tried to get her to try a piece of beetroot!
Because errm- its her job to encourage her DC to eat sensibly and not muck about at the table.
No wonder there are so many children with terrible table manners and who are fussy eaters that is Sad

WithACherryOnTop · 18/06/2012 22:52

I hate it too,Goldenbear. I've nothing against the French,but I hate it when they or the Spanish or the Italians or 'Europeans' in general are used as a stick to beat 'inferior' British parents over the head with. I don't believe for a minute that all French/Spanish/Italian children or parents are paragons of virtue.

getupgo · 18/06/2012 22:52

ivana - having to write 'categorically' makes alarm bells ring for me, maybe there is a little connection there between having to sit there until it was finished and an eating disorder in later life? if not, how so?

Serendipity30 · 18/06/2012 22:52

I love the way people are acting like they would have disciplined their children perfectly in a similar situation and are acting very holier than thou.Parent your children how you see fit , as you can see everyone's parenting styles are different and if it works for them it does not mean it will work for your DC's. Your DD will not starve to overnight, but have a quiet word with her about her behaviour when visitors are present. Disciplining your child will not traumatise them for life. Thanks

Original poster
greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 22:52

theoriginalsteamingnit I am in charge full-stop. I know several families where the dcs are allowed to be in charge and tbh they don't seem very happy, as well as being a complete pain in the arse to have around to play.

OP posts:
Sunshine401 · 18/06/2012 22:53

Can I ask a very Cheeky question :O

Those of you who have strict rules about eating new foods finishing your plates etc Do you use physical punishment?? Not looking for a debate just a simply yes or no will do :) Cheeky I know but I was just wondering . Also those who dont do u??

quirrelquarrel · 18/06/2012 22:53

Agree to disagree then.
It's basically like eating leftovers you don't like the next day, at a funny time. Sorry if I'm so screwed up I can't see how heinous this is.
Funny how I've never really had these food "issues" though.....you'd think my relationship with food would be terrible, really unhealthy? it's not.

TheTeaPig · 18/06/2012 22:53

Thank god Boffin I thought I had stumbled into a parallel universe thenGrin

getupgo · 18/06/2012 22:54

boffin, actually it sounds like this DD hasnt learned, the consequence chosen by OP isnt working, if DD regularly plays up at table etc

so time to try something new OP

just like trying a new vegetable perhaps? one that is really really stomach churning to start with, and thay you know will show the DCs who is really the boss

eugh

usualsuspect · 18/06/2012 22:54

Your DD clearly wasn't very happy though was she

AllDirections · 18/06/2012 22:54

I am not damaged as a result of this having being done to me

I most definitely have my food issues as a result of this being done to me.

Serendipity30 · 18/06/2012 22:54

TheTeaPig Oh the poor child - her terrible mother tried to get her to try a pieceof beetroot!
Because errm- its her job to encourage her DC to eat sensibly and not muck about at the table.No wonder there are so many children with terrible table manners and who are fussy eaters that is

Just made me spit out my tea.

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