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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

869 replies

greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 18:27

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

OP posts:
Sunshine401 · 18/06/2012 22:35

"Children need guidance and sympathy far more than instruction."

A very useful quote I belive in this situation :)

Original poster
greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 22:35

I don't believe that most people whose parents were strict about food ended up with issues. Crikey, my mum grew up after the war and my Gran would have struggled to put food on the table. She had to eat up whatever was put in front of her and that would have been the norm then.

OP posts:
WithACherryOnTop · 18/06/2012 22:35

'IMO you should just have said- do it, because I said so- and forced her to eat most of it. And given it to her for breakfast, lunch, whatever, until it was gone if it wasn't gone just before bedtime'

That's what you said wrong,Quirrel.That you'd force a child to eat it,and serve it up again and again until they gave in. That is fucked up. That is nothing short of sadistic,and is more about your own ego and a power trip than encouraging a child to eat new foods.

Sparks1 · 18/06/2012 22:36

*Could you be anymore smug,Sparks? You know that you can do everything 'right' and still wind up with a fussy eater. It's not all down to how marvellous the parents are you know.

I have a friend who used the exact same 'techniques' with all 3 of her children.She has one who eats just about everything,one who is average in that respect,and one who eats about seven foods.Where did she go wrong I wonder?*

Smug, no. Right, yes.

As i say, perception. Now stop projecting and talking a load of shite.

AllDirections · 18/06/2012 22:37

I agree with you Sunshine.

It's taking me right back to my childhood and all the anxiety that built up at many a mealtime.

As long as a child has a healthy balanced diet why would you insist that they eat something they don't want to.

quirrelquarrel · 18/06/2012 22:37

Not really. I have AS and am still an incredibly fussy eater but I still eat foods I don't like, either because it's not worth the hassle, I'm hungry, I want to see what there's to be liked about it or it's just healthy. Sometimes the texture of foods will make me want to throw up- but so what? It probably won't actually make me vomit (ha). It's due to my parents. Yeah, my mum's dramatic too. But I'm glad I wasn't pandered to and that I can now eat more than 7 foods- considering that probably with most other parents the AS would have been taken as the perfect excuse to just leave things be. I don't think my parents would ever describe me as meek and mild....

^ So, what was wrong with what I said?

Sunshine401 · 18/06/2012 22:37

Its not about what is put on their plates at all its the fact when they start being forced to eat everything GOSH!!!
Don't want it all fine eat what they want of it :)

TheTeaPig · 18/06/2012 22:38

Who forced their child to eat Confused ???? the child threw a huge wobbly and the food was removed . She didnt stand over the child for hours until she ate it.
Clearly the child who has eaten beetroot before was tired,overwrought etc

getupgo · 18/06/2012 22:38

withacherry - your point about the 3 kids fully explains the importance of choice then, and giving each different child a choice in their tastes...evidently the tastebuds of child 1 differ to child 2 and so on

who are we to dictate otherwise? expose them to loads of healthy choices, dont make a fuss, they will soon enough choose and learn from that choice, as to what their preferences are.

why take away the pleasure of finding out for themselves?

plus - give them loads of fresh air before a meal, works wonders for empty plates

notyummy · 18/06/2012 22:39

Very true Wheelie. Nothing wrong with food preferences- we all have them. Food fussiness on the other hand, I suspect is very much a problem in the First World. Wonder how many people in societies without much to eat have such sensitive palates Hmm.

WithACherryOnTop · 18/06/2012 22:39

It's news to me that French children like all foods,and eat all of them.That's certainly not true of the French people I know.

It may not be true of French adults either. I've just finished reading a book written by an American living in France,and she describes serving up chicken livers at a dinner party,and almost no one touching them because they didn't like them. She also describes some other foods that aren't universally popular in France. I'm sure even the Sainted French find an occasional food they dislike.

Original poster
greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 22:40

quirrelquarrel that is interesting. One of ds' friends has AS and last time he came over I offered him a biscuit. He took a bite, looked a bit unsure and I asked him if he liked it. He said "no, but I'll eat it." I think he must have been learning how to try new foods or something. Anyway I told him he didn't have to eat it and he looked relieved!

OP posts:
TheOriginalSteamingNit · 18/06/2012 22:41

Here's a thought: don't put it on their plates in the first place. You're not a restaurant, you're a family: have dishes on the table with the stuff in them and let people take what they want from them. That's what I'd do for adults. If they take all the beet root and THEN don't eat it, be cross. Otherwise, let them choose.

I cannot stress strongly enough how beastly and damaging I find this idea of telling someone else what they must eat and how much of it.

WithACherryOnTop · 18/06/2012 22:41

Do fuck off Sparks,but make sure you step down carefully from that high horse when you do.Wouldn't want you to injure yourself.

quirrelquarrel · 18/06/2012 22:41

Cross post.
My parents are NOT sadists, thank you.
A lot of parents who do this are not sadists. You should think about how you phrase things because I find this extremely offensive. I am not easily offended at all. Even I could tell it was not about a power trip, when I was young. I knew exactly why they were doing it. Can you imagine that it's about wanting the kid to develop the kind of willingness and self discipline that you get by going about it this way? So they have to eat something not nice for breakfast, or lunch, or whatever. That is NOT sadistic, or fucked up, but dare I suggest that you might be, slightly, if that's how you fling that kind of word around. Again: bloody hell.

Sunshine401 · 18/06/2012 22:42

TheTeaPig-- The child got upset because beetroot that she did not like/want was in her salad
Simply common sense soluation Remove the beetroot problem over why make such a drama
Not force the child to eat a piece just to get the poor child so worked up she gets the tantrum and then ends up being put upstairs to go to sleep all upset WHYYY!!
so sad :(

AllDirections · 18/06/2012 22:42

I cannot stress strongly enough how beastly and damaging I find this idea of telling someone else what they must eat and how much of it.

Agree completely

getupgo · 18/06/2012 22:43

why swear at sparks, withacherry? is she supposed to agree with you? but why? we're talking about choices kids can have in their culinary lives, let's not lower the tone

1950sHousewife · 18/06/2012 22:43

Withacherry - that is so true. We have some wonderful, sophisticated friends from Paris, and although their children are way better at eating than ours, the middle DD can throw spectacular wobblies if she doesn't want to try something.
Witnessed her having a freak out about being made to try some relish this weekend.
I was delighted that their kids are 'normal', like ours.

Grin
eyestightshut · 18/06/2012 22:43

OP YANBU
NannyOgg Can your DD really fake crying? What?! MY 3 year old is an expert in it!

usualsuspect · 18/06/2012 22:43

quirrelquarrel , I think your post was the most fucked up on this thread tbh

WithACherryOnTop · 18/06/2012 22:44

I'm not referring to the OP,Teapig,but to Quirrel's comment.

Quirrel.If you can't see what's wrong with serving up a food meal after meal and literally forcing a child to eat,personally it's obvious to me why it's fucked up,then I don't think any explanation I can give will suffice.

usualsuspect · 18/06/2012 22:46

Anyone who thinks that forcing a child to eat a food they don't like for breakfast, lunch and dinner until it's eaten is seriously fucked up.

quirrelquarrel · 18/06/2012 22:46

Why?
I am not damaged as a result of this having being done to me. I found it normal. Like I said, it's a common practise. It was even on Wife Swap a few years back, because one of the women didn't want to waste food! I must be missing something because I just don't get how you can be so much affected by this and me so little. Fine, so you're forced to eat something. I just don't see the big deal.

voddiekeepsmesane · 18/06/2012 22:46

So I would put a salad on the table and ds would not go near it 3 years ago. I introduce one thing at a time, a bit of lettuce, some cucumber etc over time and ask him to try bits and 3 years down the track he likes salad. I really don't think he would have tried it without me asking him to.

This is from experience of my dss who was always allowed the foods he loved only such as chips, nuggets etc and now at 18 is an extremely fussy eater.

I saw one way and decided to go the other and for me at least it has worked (so far)